Happy Father's Day

When I started this blog, Poop and Boogies, I never intended for it to be a Daddy Blog. Actually the term Daddy Blog wasn't even part of the blogging vocabulary back in 2005 (I am not a big fan of the term Daddy Blog because I think it limits a person's perception on what this blog is about or any other blog that gets the two word description like Mommy Blog or Craft Blog or Political Blog). I did intend for this blog to be about my life and my family. Since I am a dad and most of life and time is consumed in an effort to make my kids life better, this blog has become mostly about parenting. So yeah, I guess I am a Daddy Blogger.

Seven years ago, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon this happened. Seven years ago, throughout the day, and in the middle of the night this happened.


My dad used to call me on March 1st and wish me a Happy Father's Day because it "is the anniversary of when you became a dad." Seven years ago Maxfield was born. Seven years ago I became a dad.

To celebrate Max's Birthday we took Max, a few of his friends, and Wyatt to a Rock Climbing Gym. Max and his buddies put on harnesses and helmets and had an hour to climb and jump and flip and learn to rock climb.

As a "Daddy Blogger" I am supposed to write a heart touching post using analogies and metaphors about how watching Max rock climb is kind of like life, letting him go, trusting him, watching him climb and fail only to try again, being worried about him falling and getting hurt, using the support rope and holding it too tightly,

making sure he accomplishes his goals and reaches the top.But I didn't think about any of those things at the Rock Climbing Gym. The truth be told the only thing I was thinking about was,
"Damn, my kids are the cutest rock climbers ever."

I am not a very good Daddy Blogger.

Dental Humor

I am sitting in the dentist's office having a consultation done regarding three teeth that need to be extracted. The dentist is reviewing the options of novacaione versus anesthesia and the comlications that can arise. The dentist flips through my charts and starts checking off boxes on a form.

"Are you allergic to any medications?" he asks.

"Benadryl and some kind of anti inflamatory stuff." I answered.

"Any medical conditions for which you take daily medication?"

"No."

The dentist checked off a bunch of boxes in a row.

"Any problems with Alcohol or drugs?" He asked.

"No." I answered. "How about you?"

The dentist looked over the top of his glasses.

"Excuse me?" He asked like I offended him.

"I just figured you were the one that was going to be cutting into my gums with sharp objects that I should ask you the same question." I smiled trying to let on I was making a joke.

He looked back at the form not acknowledging my joke. He place the tip of his pen onto the form and prepared to write the answer to the next questions

"Who is your emergency contact?" He asked.

I answered hesitantly. I wasn't sure if he was asking because it was an actual question on the form or if he was making a joke. Or was he?

---------------------------------------------
Poop and Boogies turns 6 years old this week. I really do appreciate all the people that stop by here to read the little stories I write. From the bottom of our hearts, my family and I thank you.

Make Out

There is no such thing as a bad cheese steak. Sure some are waaay better than others but there is no such thing as a bad one. A cheese steak*, to me, is just like making out; sometimes it is a little sloppy and wet; sometimes it is a little dry; sometimes you need to use more tongue; and sometimes it smells like onions but for the most part I am just happy to be getting some. Now that Lauren and I have 3 boys there is not a lot of time to be getting cheese steaks (see another way to compare it to making out). We try to set a good example of eating and cooking right and we leave the fatty take-out to a once in a while occasion.

This past Saturday night was that once in a while occasion.

In the city there is a debate about who has the best cheese steaks, Pat's, Geno's or Jim's. Out in the burbs most places make a decent cheese steak but none ever can compete with the those big three. Lauren found a coupon for Tonelli's and we decided to give it a try. I've gotta tell you it was one of the best cheese steak sandwiches I have had.

Saturday night into Sunday morning, around 2 AM, Lauren woke up and told me she was not feeling well, she felt nauseous. Twenty minutes later she was vomiting. My first thought was "Man I hope she does not have a stomach bug or flu." My second thought was, "I hope she will be okay." My third thought was "Looks like I have go the kids all day. My fourth thought, "Maybe it was something she ate. What did we have different that we normally don't have?" And my fifth and final thought, which I guess I should be ashamed to admit was, "OH NO! Cheese steak. We had Cheese steaks. I hope it was not the cheese steaks. Oh I hope she has a stomach bug. I hope she has a stomach bug. I hope she has a stomach bug."

I need to defend my wish that my wife had a stomach bug.

Did you ever drink too much gin or eat some kind of curry dish, only to get sick later and throw-up? You end up swearing off that brand of gin. Or you refuse to ever eat curry again. It has nothing to do with the food itself , but just the smell of curry brings back the memory of the dry heaves it caused is enough to make you stay away. It can be any kind of food or drink, once you associate it with vomiting you usually, for years, will not touch the stuff. So if Lauren associated the awesome Cheese steaks with her being sick, there was a really good chance that we would, not only never go that place again, but we would never get cheese steaks again. I couldn't have that. These cheese steaks were that awesome and were only minutes away from my house.

Turned out Lauren had a bug. She was in bed all day Sunday. When she was not in bed she was throwing up. It was a bad day.

I did my best to occupy the kids throughout the day getting ready for Valentine's Day parties on Monday. I also did my best to take care of my sick wife. All day I had a nagging thought in the back of my head that there was a chance that I may get the stomach bug too. I kept trying to eat bland things or maybe things that I knew I already did not like just in case I got nauseous. I did not want to have a an episode that would cause me to banish the delicious chopped steak and cheese in a long roll. I had cereal for breakfast, toast for lunch. I made a dinner of plain grilled chicken, asparagus and crackers.

Sunday night as I placed out Valentine's days cards and gifts for my kids and wife I decided to have a snack. We had a bag of Doritos and a bag of plain corn tortilla chips. I am so glad I chose the plain corn chips. At 2 AM I caught the stomach bug. I was thankful for puking tortilla chips. I love Doritos. I was in bed all day Monday. Thankfully Lauren was doing better (it was only a 24 hour bug). It was her turn to take care of me. I couldn't move at all on Valentine's Day. Nothing says "I love you" like the willingness to clean up a person's bag of vomit and bile.


As I was laying in bed in a sleep deprived dehydrated cramp induced delirium I couldn't help but be thankful that I too had a stomach bug. Because then I knew it was not the cheese steaks.

I look forward to another night of Tonelli's cheese staek make-out. I mean take-out.



* When you live in the Philadelphia Pa area you don't call a a cheese steak a "Philly Style Cheese steak. It is just a Cheese steak.

Post From The Future

Poop and Boogies 3.0

What's for Breakfast --2/10/2056


I had to drop my rocket jet pack off at the dealer this morning. I have been having problems with the throttle. The other day on my way to work at the hologram theater I nearly lost power and dropped about 100 feet. At first, I thought it may be the bypass line, but the seventh Fetzer valve was sticking so I thought the dealer should take a look. Sure I could have taken the Green Transporter Line to work, but ever since I was nominated for a HAG award and a HolOscar I get recognized. Besides, the dealer is right down the street from the home where my dad is placed, so I decided to pay him a visit.

I stopped at the front desk and spoke with the RN. I asked if I could speak with someone who had a little more authority and knowledge about my dad. Robot Nurses do a great job and all but sometimes dealing with a real person is better. The RN tapped a few times on her I-Stamp and a few minutes later I was talking to Colette, dad's primary human caregiver.

"Wyatt, It is so nice to see you. William, I mean your dad, is doing great. You are just in time for breakfast. Would you like to stay and help me feed your dad?"

"Sure." I said. The whole reason for stopping in was to spend time with him.

"William, I mean your dad, is pretty hungry this morning. He refused to eat his dinner last night."

"Really? What were you having?" I asked.

"Spaghetti." She said. "He used to eat it all the time. Last night he refused. He said the sauce was too spicy. It is the same sauce we use every other time we make pasta which he never had a problem with. It is the same sauce we use for the Pizza we make, which he eats with no problem. I don't know, last night he was just being stubborn."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I told him he would not get any snacks or anything else to eat until breakfast."

We walked down the hallway towards his room when a memory crept out of the corner of my mind. I could see myself sitting at our table in Hatboro. I was 4 years old. Maybe 5. I refused to eat my spaghetti. My mom was so frustrated. I remember her saying something like, "What, so now you don't like spaghetti? I am running out of things to feed you Wyatt. I will not let you be a kid who only eats chicken nuggets and fries." I remember dad getting angry. "Nothing else to eat tonight! Do you understand?" I got up from the table. "You will be having Spaghetti for breakfast tomorrow. Do you understand?" I nodded. I think I heard dad say something to mom about "going all Mommy Dearest with breakfast".

As we got closer to dad's room Colette asked me something but I was not paying attention. I was lost in the memory of the next morning of me screaming as my dad was taking the plastic wrap off my plate of spaghetti from the night before. I still can't stand the smell of microwaved cold spaghetti. I remember dad holding his ground and telling me I had to eat the pasta before I would get anything else like fruit or yogurt. I also recall that as soon as I started crying he had to go to work and left mom to do the dirty work.

"Wyatt? Wyatt?" Colette's voice pulled me back to the present.

"I'm sorry." I said as I shook off the memory.

"That's okay. I know sometimes visiting can be difficult. I asked what would you like to feed your father this morning? We have pancakes, waffles, oatmeal or cold cereal." She said.

I thought a moment.

"Do you have any spaghetti left over from last night?" I asked.

Colette was hesitant. "Uh, yes." she said.

"Then that's what he will have." I said.

I really, really enjoyed my breakfast with my dad that morning.


Posted By Wyatt- at 2/10/2056 at 9:17 AM



This post was inspired by my brother the LawnWhisperer. When I told him about feeding Wyatt spaghetti for breakfast he said that when I am old and I need my kids to take care of me they will remember those moments.

I've known too many Spaniels

One of the greatest fights ever was the duel between the man in black and Inigo Montoya at the top of the Cliff's of Insanity. They used Bonetti's defense, which was appropriate considering the rocky terrain. Thibault could cancel out the Capa Ferro attack. The opponent used his Agripa. It was a mighty duel. They both used their best moves and artistry in the sword fight. They dodged and parried and thrust and dodged some more. They both dueled left handed, a deception move used until they needed to switch to their right and stronger hand, which changed the direction of the battle twice.

The conversation that takes place right before the fight, as Inigo who is just waiting around to kill the man in black meanwhile assisting him is a wonderful display of honesty and mutual respect. The dialog during the battle is the same, each dueler complimenting the other while attacking with blades.

The man in black bested the Spaniard. Why? He was better. He wore down his opponent. He knew when to strike and when to sit back.

Lauren and the kids have bested me. They wore me down. They knew when to strike and when to sit back. I waited at the top of the Cliff's of Insanity to shoot down their requests to get a new dog. Our conversations were honest and showed mutual respect.

"I promise to take her for walks." Max would say smiling his semi-toothed smile.

I used Bonetti's defense. No, was my answer.

"I will feed the dog." Wyatt would say and bat his long brown eyelashes.

I have studdied my Agrippa. No.

Lauren called me last week. She was at the SPCA. She wanted to tell me about Lilly, the Spaniel mix, she had just found and fell in love with.

"No." I said.

"Why?"

"I have known too many Spaniels."

Lauren sent me a picture, which was equivalent to admitting she was not left handed.

We picked her up on Saturday. This is Lily.




Lauren and I want to change her name. Lily is one of my favorite names. We know a few Lilys. And each of them is beautiful and radiant. But they are people. Lily the dog is a beaut and radiant and full of life. But she is a dog. I don't want to, I don't know, disrespect or confuse the two. We are thinking of name for our new dog.

Any suggestions?

Encyclopedia

"Dad, can you show me how to Google something?" Maxfield, my 6 year old, asked.

I was curious about his request. The only interest he shows in the computer is when a game is involved. And he mentioned Google by name.

"Sure. What do you want to look up?"

"Billy Inschool* said that applesauce is a fruit. I told him it wasn't because a fruit is a fruit and applesauce is made from apples which is a fruit but that apple sauce is not a fruit because it does not grow that way."

*Tangent-I always find it funny that to a kid, another kid's last name is the same as where the kid knows the other kid from. Inschool is not Billy's last name and if it was he would have many siblings. There is Marissa Inschool, Kyle Inschool, Zach Inschool, Nicky Inschool etc. These are the same kids with the same last name as Inmyclass. Billy Inmyclass, Marissa Inmyclass, Zach Inmyclass. Billy also has the last name Fromteeball and Fromaroundtheblock, it all depends on when and where the point of reference to the conversation is. *End Tangent.

"And you want to look up, on Google, if applesauce is a fruit?"

"Yes."

I explained to Max, to the best of my knowledge, how the Internet works and what Google does as a search engine. I showed him how to get to Google and where he should type his key words. I told him the Internet was great for looking up information. I told him how when I was younger we need to look up information in books like encyclopedias. I also told him he is to never look up anything without an adult around.

"Why?" He asked?

"Well sometimes the answers to your questions may be something that is totally wrong for you. Do you know how I don't want you to watch certain movies or play certain games? Well it is kind of the same thing. Mommy or Daddy should be around to make sure you are learning what you need to learn from your questions."

"Okay."

"Looking up whether applesauce is a fruit should be okay for you to do." I said. "Now what should you type?"

"Is applesauce a fruit?" He said.

"Give it try."

Max started typing in the Google search bar. He typed a letter I and then the letter S. Google started to do the auto fill thing it does when it thinks it knows your search. Max started to read the Google questions suggestions.

I could see his innocent brain start to process the first Google auto fill response. He looked at me and then back to the screen. He looked at me again and then back to the screen. I quickly reached over top of his arms and typed the word apple to change the Google auto fill response to something more apple related. I quickly changed the topic to apple and sauces trying to distract him from his thoughts about Santa.

Seriously Google? The first response to the word IS in your searches is about whether Santa is real? Now I have no idea if that was what Maxfield was reading. I hope he was trying to figure out if Lady Gaga is a man. I know I would have an easier time talking to my kid about Vin Diesel's sexuality then I would explaining the existence of Santa.

Does anyone know if there is a kid friendly version of Google? Or does anyone know someone who sells Encyclopedias?

History

30 years from now someone is going o look on the Internet, in their brain, to see who was the number 1 best selling author of this week of 2011. They will punch in their search terms into the search engine Poop and Google and find that Brad Meltzer's book, The Inner Circle, will be listed # 1 on the New York Times best sellers list for the weeks of Jan 30th 2011.

That person doing the search will be looking for history. History is what Brad's new book is all about. The history of President George Washington's secret spy ring which was called the Culper Ring. That person doing the search 30 years from now will discover that President Obama's Culper Ring delayed President Obama in his giving the State of the Union Address until about 9:15 ish because Brad Meltzer was signing books at the Philadelphia Free Public Library. Obama's people at that time knew it was due to the fact that William from Poop and Boogies gave The inner Circle a great review just a week or so earlier which would catapult Brad Meltzer's book to hit #1 on the New York Times best sellers list that week that he should delay his speech just a few minutes. Obama wanted me to hear his speech so that maybe Poop and Boogies would write a review about the State of the Union address.

---------------------------------------------------------

I went to the Philadelphia Library last night to stalk Brad Meltzer. He spoke for almost an hour about the book, some of his comic book writings and his show Decoded. Decoded is a show about decoding secret societies and government secrets. Brad is a very funny speaker. The event felt like a comedy routine about nerdy stuff like comic books and secret societies. I even had a chance to talk to Brad and he told me he enjoys my blog which is always nice to hear.

When I got home my wife asked me if I had a good time. I told her I had a blast. Not only was Brad funny but I got to people watch as well.

I said, "You know when a guy who writes comics, writes novels about Masons and secret codes and he has a show about decoding possible hidden societies in the government, makes an appearance, the freaks are going to come out of the wood work. And they did."

Lauren replied, "You know you're one of them. And I am sure those people are saying the same thing about you."

Interpretation

"Hi. I was going to use the left over turkey breast to make a pot pie for dinner. But I still need something to feed the kids since they won't touch pot pie. Can you pick up a pizza on the way home?"

"Sure."

"Great. I am going to go to the gym when you get home. You can feed the kids and then we can eat together when I get back."

"Okay. See you then."

Would you interpret this that there will be pot pie when you get home? What if pot pie is like your favorite meal ever? Wouldn't you get home and expect there to be a freshly baked turkey pot pie?

Grounded

I lifted my head off the floor of the car. I could not remember how I ended up laying on the floor in the back seat. My head was buzzing and my ears were muffled. No. My head was muffled and my ears were buzzing. I could hear crying and yelling. I smelled steaming antifreeze. I looked out the backseat window and saw my brother John limping around a driveway. He was holding his elbow. Whose driveway was that?(1.) Where were we?

I followed the sound of the crying. My sister was sitting on the curb. There was a crowd of people around her. She was leaning over, her head between her knees. She was spitting blood. She was spitting out teeth. Oh right. My sister was taking me, John and Bob out for ice cream. She wanted to drive by some guy’s house first. We made a u-turn, were in a car accident. Wait. Bob was with us. Where is Bob? I don’t see him. Did he die? (2.) He must have died if I can’t see him. If Bob is dead we are going to get grounded.

I lifted my head off the dark blue vinyl seats of the car. I could not remember how I ended up laying down in the back seat of a police car. I reached my hand up to my forehead to see if I could discover the source of the pain I was feeling. I felt bits of broken glass littering my hair. An officer asked me to look into his flashlight. I did. There was no light. He smacked the side of the flashlight, still no light. He borrowed another officer’s flashlight. That also did not work. They both needed batteries. One of the officers took out a first aid kit. He blew dust off the top, cleared cobwebs away from the latches. As he fumbled to open it I looked out the window through the metal cage separating the front and back seats. I saw the car we were in smashed against a telephone pole. I still could not see Bob. I could still see John and I could still see my sister. There was a hole in her chin. (3.) She was still spitting blood and teeth. A paramedic was with her. The officer told me not to look at her. I wonder if they are arresting me. If they do I am going to get grounded. The flashing red lights of the approaching ambulance blinded me. I closed my eyes.

I lifted my head off the tan vinyl bench-seat in the back of the ambulance. I could not move my arms or legs. They were encased in inflatable casts. My sister was laying down in the gurney with bloody towels covering her face. Where was John, in another ambulance? Maybe. The medic asked me questions about my sister since she could not speak. What was her name? Sharon. How old was she? 17. What was her date of birth? I don’t know. You don’t know your sisters birthday? No. Why not? I just don’t. How old are you? 12. When is your date of birth? March 9th. March 9th of what year? Not mine, hers. Her birthday is March 9th. Of what year? I don’t know. She is 17. Do the math. Try to stay awake you may have a concussion? I want to take a nap now. We think you may be in shock. Please don’t shock me.

I opened my eyes when the cold wind hit me in the face. They were wheeling me into the hospital. I could taste blood in my mouth. My mom stood out front of the ER doors. She was crying but smiling. How did she beat us to the hospital? Why was she crying? (4.) I think we may be in trouble. I hope we don’t get grounded. I tell the doctor my chest hurts and he tries to unzip my Oakland Raiders sweatshirt but the zipper is broken. He cuts my favorite sweatshirt off with a large pair of scissors. I am definitely going to get grounded. (5.) Using a pair of tweezers a nurse picks specks of glass out of my scalp. She washes my hair and I watch white suds turned pink by blood wash down the drain. I start to cry. She tells me everyone is okay.

That night my mom wakes me every two hours, per the doctor’s instructions, to ask me questions to test my mental state. Some questions are easy like my name and birthday. Some questions are more difficult. What is your grandmother’s first name? I don’t know. I don’t call her by her first name. What is the phone number of 125 Primrose? It takes me a minute but I get it. My mom then asks me to tell her how old she is. I am so going to get grounded.

(1.) John was sitting in the front passenger seat. His elbow went through the glove box. He had to tear it out of the dash board to get out of the car to go get help. He knocked on the door of the first house he came to. “We need help!” he said to old man who answered the door. The old man replied, “I am sorry I cannot help you. I am blind.” John went to the next house for help. John ended up with 60 plus stitches in his elbow.
(2.) Bob was sitting in the back passenger side. He saw we were about to crash and braced for impact. He sprained both his ankles and I think he had stress fractures in both shins. When he got out of the car with John, he could not walk and fell to the ground. He was lying below my line of vision.
(3.) My sister’s chin hit the steering wheel, her head hit the windshield. She opened her face from below her lip all the way through to her tongue. I think she lost all of her bottom teeth. She had to have numerous operations and plastic surgery.
(4.) We only lived a mile from the ER. Someone called my mom to tell her we were on the way. She beat us there and waited by the entrance for the ambulances to arrive. When they pulled Bob out of the ambulance on the gurney the wind caught the blanket that was on top of Bob and it blew up and covered his face. My mom only saw them wheeling in a covered body and thought that Bob was dead. She started to cry. Bob then said hello from under the blanket. I was wheeled in right after that.
(5.) I was sitting in the back driver side. When we made impact my chest smashed into the back of her seat and I flew over my sister’s head I hit the windshield. I had bruised ribs, minors cuts in my mouth and on my head and I had a concussion. The car accident happened 28 years ago this week.

Frost Bits

"Touch it." I said.

"I am not touching that." Lauren said. She knows my tricks and she thought I was trying to, well, get her to touch it. The last time she fell for this trick we ended up with our third boy. And now, after having three boys there is not much time or desire to be touching anything.

"Seriously Lauren, I am not trying any games I need you to touch it. I think it is has frostbite."

Lauren looked down. I was stretching my waistband out so she could get a better look.

"Oh my God!" She said startled. "It is bright red. Are you okay?"

I winced. I was not okay. I was in serious pain. I looked down. I was shocked of how much of it was shrinking up into my belly. Everything they say about shrinkage is true. I reached my hand down and tried to make sure everything was intact. As soon as my fingers touched the tip, the fire helmet, I could feel it all burn. My lower abdomen ached, as did my groin.

"What happened?" Lauren asked.

"I think my pecker is frozen."

I explained how I decided to go for a long run, after all it was early Saturday morning and the sun was coming up. Part of the Half-marathon training program I am trying is to do one long run a week. This was my first true long run. I always wear spandex-moisture wicking pants under a loose fitting, breathable, mesh sweatpants. The rest of my running outfit is various layers depending on the temperature. It was in the low to mid twenties so I bundled up on top wearing new tight fitting vest and running shirts as opposed to the multi-layers of long t-shirts I usually wear.

When I run, I just run away from my house until I feel the need to turn around and head home. I set out that morning intending to do a 6 to 7 mile run. Somewhere around mile 3 and a half, 30 minutes into my run, I could feel my thighs start to numb and a pain throb in my groin. I started heading home, going back the 3 or so miles. I was running into the wind. A cold cold wind.

Somewhere around mile 5 I could tell I was in trouble. Things started to burn and then go numb. I only had two more miles to go. I figured I could just tough it out. The rest of my body was warm and I worked up a really good sweat. Normally when I run my X-tra large T-shirts and other layers would kind of cover the area below my waist. I was not wearing X-tra large shirts. The moisture wicking spandex was taking the moisture away from my body to be frozen by the cold wind blowing through the mesh work-out pants I was wearing. I was freeze drying my bits. And quite frankly after I inspected the area, it, they, had the appearance of freeze dried fruit. The icy feeling put the "icle" in the, you know, "test".

"I gotta go take a shower." I said to Lauren and I hobbled up the steps.

I took off my pants and was amazed and slightly horrified purplish-red color of my upper thighs. From my waist line to my knees was the color of an overcooked ham. Did you ever spend a few hours in the snow making snowmen and snow balls (pun totally intended) and once you go inside your hands start to burn from the temperature change? That is how the shower felt. It burned.

I waited in the hot water for every thing to descend from their un-descended positions. I waited for the red color to soften to a dull pink. Eventually the burning stopped but I could tell there was a slight lack of sensation. There was also a steady ache from the inside of the, well, just the inside of it all.

I have a pain medication that I take on an as needed basis for herniated disks in my neck. Part of the medication has an anti anxiety element to it. When my herniated disks flare up some of the symptoms are similar to that of having a heart attack. The anti-anxiety meds help relieve the panic stricken, chest tightness stress I may feel during the flare up. I did a quick Google search on Frost Bite and after looking at a few pictures of blackened gangrene-semi amputated digits I decided that I should take one of my pain pills.

By the end of the day, when the effects of the medicine wore off, everything seemed to be fine. Later that night Lauren asked me how I felt. She joked that she was going to sew me a fleece or flannel codpiece.

"It seems to be fine." I said. "It stills aches a bit, but otherwise I think it is okay."

"That's good." She said.

"Although maybe we should make sure it is in entirely in working order." I smiled raising my eyebrows.

"Oh. And how should you do that?" She said rolling her eyes.

"Well I have an idea."

She did not fall for any of my tricks.

The next day I asked Lauren if she thought I should blog about my fozen bits.

"Why would you even hesitate? Of course you should." Was her reply.

Hopeful Forecast

For the past two years I have written a post at the beginning of the year listing all the things I wanted to write about that upcoming year. I treated the posts as preview/teaser as well as a hopeful forecast or wishes. I had no idea at the time when I wrote those posts that some of those wishes or positive thoughts would actually come true, like losing 20 lbs, or going to Blogher. Now I also know and understand that some of the predictions did not come to fruition (like the Bigfoot sighting or appearing on SNL) but I like the vibe and outcome of my previous “looking ahead” posts.

My hopeful forecast for Poop and Boogies for the year 2011 should include posts and stories about, making an appearance on SNL, winning the lottery, seeing Bigfoot, winning a free trip for the whole family to Disney World, getting a new dog and taking the kids to New York. I hope in 2011 I will be able to write posts about the time I was in a car accident with my sister, how Max’s Little League team was the best team in the division, how I was a substitute Sunday school teacher, Wyatt starting kindergarten, Lauren selling her paintings and getting a gallery appearance and maybe a post or two about Jackson’s ability to make me laugh.

I want to write about Max’s piano lessons, how I lost another 10 maybe 15 pounds, Wyatt learning to ride a bike, Jackson at the beach, meeting one or two of the Phillies, going to some of the Phillies game, hell even how the Phillies, don’t cock it up this year and win the world series in 2011. I hope Poop and Boogies will include stories about some of my nightclub adventures, working with advertisers on the website, my tattoo, taking my wife away for a weekend (without the kids), making more revenue form a hobby I really enjoy, how I ran three 5k races and a half Marathon, more theater stories, my mid-life crisis, a post or two about publishing a book, or a post or two about publishing a children’s book, a post about meeting some of my blogging friends or even just making new friends.

I hope to post pictures of household renovations that I have done (or more likely that Lauren has done), I hope to do a few more contests and give-aways and maybe get a long term sponsor.

I hope I can write about my family being happy and full of joy.

I hope 2011 brings me more readers to this site. And that those new readers as well as the people who have been coming here for years will enjoy this site and stories as much as I do in creating it.

According to Chris at Rude Cactus, today is the official-unofficial blogging De-lurking day, please leave a comment and let me know what you would like to see from Poop and Boogies this year.

Monsters

My wife is pretty creative, crafty, artsy and handy. I thinks she finds calm and a bit of peace in creating works of art out of the chaos that is living with me and three boys. Every now and then she needs some peace and maybe some quiet.

A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Miyagi, my friend and Max's Godfather, took the boys bowling and left his daughter Ruby with Lauren so they could have girl time. I think Lauren was a little worried about what she was going to do with a little girl around. She was excited when Ruby wanted to make a monster shirt. Lauren knows a lot about monsters.
Ruby drew a picture of the monster that she wanted. Lauren and her set about recreating the drawing out of fabric.

Ruby was delighted with the outcome and I think Lauren enjoyed the time they had together.

Through the hectic pace of the holidays and getting the kids back to school and their normal routine, Lauren decided she needed to get creative again for Jackson's 2nd Birthday. Again she turned to monsters.

Jackson's Elmo cake was made out of cupcakes. Lauren described it as a "pull-away"cake.

I think I know where she gets some of her inspiration. She has to take partial credit for creating the little monsters that her boys are.

The Inner Circle

The Culper Ring was a secret spy ring, made up of civilians, used by General George Washington during the Revolutionary War. The Culper Ring's purpose was to provide information to the General and eventually the President without any bias or predisposition to the actual information. So secret was the Culper Ring that even Washington himself did not know who were some of the members.

Brad Meltzer has a new book that comes out on 1/11/11 called The Inner Circle. The story is about a modern day Culper Ring although the story and characters are fictional. Meltzer always grounds his characters and stories in some basis of truth which makes his work of fiction almost seem real.

Beecher, the main character, works in the National Archives and stumbles, either by accident or by design (which I still have not figured out) onto a secret communications ring which centers around the President of the United States. The secret spy ring discovers that Beecher has discovered them and now nobody is safe. Beecher has been recently re-acquainted with Clementine, his old child hood crush, who has some secrets herself.

Beecher and Clementine have to put together coded communications left in mysterious locations in an effort to protect themselves from an unknown enemy. At one point they have to seek assistance from Nico Hadrian, a mental patient and would be Presidential assassin (a character from previous Meltzer novel The Book of Fate) whose beliefs are entrenched in secret societies.

I have read every Brad Meltzer book. I watch his show Decoded on the History Channel. I would have to say that Inner Circle is my favorite work of his so far. In all of Meltzer's other books or shows there is always a moment that I say to myself ,"Oh, right, that could never happen." and it takes me out of the action or pacing of the story. Not once in The Inner Circle did I feel that way.


It is a great story, with great, believable characters based in historical locations with historical documents. It blends truth, secret coded messages and fiction. What else could you ask for?



Brad Meltzer apparently was an intern on Capitol Hill-Senate Judiciary Committee- in Washington DC in the early 90's .

Brad Meltzer, apparently, co-wrote the Ameri-Corps Oath, that has been delivered by Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush.

Brad Meltzer, apparently interviewed former Presidents George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton as research for a couple of his novels.

Brad Meltzer apparently is now friendly with the former Presidents.

In 2006, Brad Meltzer participated in a group think tank, along with the CIA, FBI, various psychologists, and Department of Homeland Security intelligence staff to brainstorm new ways that terrorists might attack the U.S.

Brad Meltzer, could very well be a part of a current Culper Ring.

Jackson Turns 2

Two years ago, my wife woke me up with the words, "Bill, I either just peed my pants or my water just broke."

14 hours or so later this little cute guy was born.

Except he was not as cute then as he is now.
And he was not as much trouble then as he is now. That is a 32 ounces of shredded cheese he dumped on the family room floor.

And he was not as silly then as he is now.

Or as loveable or as cuddly or as smart or as awesome or as, well, you get the picture.

Happy Birthday Jackson.

Anybody Want A Peanut?

My mom hosts a Christmas Eve gathering/open house at her place for a gift exchange between the various aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, Godparents and Godchildren. This past Christmas the party started at 1pm. Right before we were leaving the mailman dropped off a package addressed to me. I quickly opened it to find an advanced copy of Brad Meltzer's latest book The Inner Circle (which does not hit book stores until 1-11-11). I was quite excited since Brad Meltzer is my secret man crush author.

I took this picture in front of my Abe Lincoln portrait because The Inner Circle is about the (fictional) U.S. President's secret Inner Circle (not Abe's inner circle but you know he was a president so I figured it made sense). I also tried to get the "Bra Melt" part of Brad Meltzer's name. I plan to write a review of Brad's book later this week. Let me just tell you, so far, awesome.

While at my mom's house my Goddaughter Allyson, my brother Anonymous'/Kevin's daughter, gave me what I consider to be one of my favorite Christmas gifts ever.

That's right, she gave me a Westley and a Fezzik doll from the movie the Princess Bride. If you squeeze their bellies they say lines from the movie including "Anybody want a peanut?". I didn't know these dolls existed. I was even more excited about getting the dolls than the book.

My wife, Lauren, on the other hand is slightly disappointed. She is upset that I was more excited about the book and the dolls than I was for any of the gifts she gave to me. I think it may also have to do with the fact that every night since Christmas Eve Westley, Fezzik and Brad Meltzer's book have been in our bed.

Magical

On December 22nd Maxfield lost his first tooth. He was very excited to leave the lower left central tooth for the Tooth Fairy that night. At 4 am on the 23rd of December Max ran into my room to wake me up and show off the new five dollar bill he found under his pillow. I told him the Tooth Fairy was being generous because it was Max's first tooth and it was close to Christmas (and it was the only bill the Tooth Fairy had in her wallet). He was amazed by the magic of the Tooth Fairy.


On December 24th Max woke with the excitement and anticipation that goes along with Christmas Eve. Throughout the day we discussed Jesus' birthday and the spirit of giving and the three Magi. We visited family and exchanged gifts with God parents and grandparents. That night we were invited to dinner by our neighbors at a Japanese style steakhouse/hibachi joint, where the chefs cook on the table top and entertain the diners with cool tricks and knife work. My boys were in awe of the flaming volcanic onion as well as the chef catching food in his hat. It was a great night and Max could not stop talking about it.

Christmas morning was filled with toys, stockings filled with treats and the talk of Santa and his magic of giving. We had a incredible day assembling toys, pretending to be superheroes, playing games and using our imaginations to accomplish great feats of strength and magical powers. We visited with more family and exchanged presents with aunts and uncles and Mom Mom.

It was a great and magical long weekend in our house. And after it is all said and done, the wonderment and awe between the Tooth Fairy, Santa, Jesus, the three wise men, Lego Star Wars guys, Iron Man, countless super heroes, aunts, uncles and Godparents, I truly think that Maxfield was most impressed with the Hibachi chef guy. So much so that he asked that we take him back to that restaurant for his birthday.

Baby Cheeses*

Wyatt Blue, my four year old, attends a pre-school in a local Methodist church. The school is highly regarded as an excellent pre-school with a focus on education with a Christian foundation.

Last week I was driving Wyatt to pre-school and I asked him what they were learning in school.

"Christmas." He said.

"What did you learn about Christmas?"

"Christmas is a the time when Jesus becomes a baby again. You see, Jesus is a man who at Christmas time becomes a baby. He then becomes a boy so that by Easter he is a man again. You see Jesus is two men, a boy and a baby. His super powers are that he can become a baby again. But I think he should just stay a baby because then we could have Christmas longer and oh look at all those Gooses. Why do Gooses sit there?" He pointed to the field next to us.

"They're are called geese when there are more than one." I corrected.

"Why are all the geeses there?" Wyatt asked. "Hey Dad. Geeses, Jesus, that rhymes!"

"Yes it does Wyatt. What else can you tell me about Jesus?" I asked trying to get him to focus back on our original conversation.

And I smiled the rest of the way to his school as he rhymed other words with Jesus.

Wyatt continued, "Cheeses...Pizzas... Sneezes... Pieces..."

*Baby Cheeses from ABC's Modern Family, best show ever.

------------------------------------------

Here are some gift Ideas for the holiday season although some of them may not be able to make it to your tree in time.

Maze Man--A friend of mine does his own hand drawn mazes. They are cool and complex. He even does custom mazes for business and what not. Very cool.

B Toys--I wrote about these folks a year ago here and how funny their instructions were. They included my post on their website. Check them out. This is the company's first Christmas season. We were trying to purchase a Veterinary kit/Critters Clinic for Wyatt but have not been able to track down at Target. They keep selling out. That is how awesome their toys are.

Books make great gifts and awesome stocking stuffers. I highly recommend Frankie Pickle books by Eric Wight as well as The Dread Crew by Kate Inglis for the young readers. And of course for the older readers on your gift list there is anything by Brad Meltzer (my secret man crush) as well as For a Good Home by Eve Mont. Brad has a new book coming out in the next month or so and he has a television show on the History Channel. Eve Mont just signed a deal for three new books with her publisher.

If there is a hairy sweaty man in your life I also would suggest Shave Secret and Anti Rash Underwear as gifts. Both have changed my life.

----------------------------

Kcinnova --won the Tassimo Single Serve Coffee Machine. I had over 60 entries between comments and emails. I used a random number generator and her number was picked. Thank you to all who entered and thank you to all who read Poop and Boogies.
----------------------------

Remember when you are having your Christmas dinner and someone asks, "What's in this?" just say "Poop and Boogies. Shut up and eat it."

Happy Holidays everyone.

Must be Italian.

"Frah-Gee-Lay. It must be Italian!" Mr. Parker says with excitement.

"I think that says fragile honey." Mrs. Parker corrects him.

Check out the rest of the entry here .

Merry Gentlemen

Last year I wrote a post about how my brother Anonymous rates the Christmas cards that he receives. In that post I mentioned that no one understood my No L card.

This year, without my wife's knowledge (because she thinks it is "dorky" or something), I created and mailed my own Christmas card for my siblings. Two days later I received a phone call from my brother Anonymous. He told me that even though it was early, he is pretty confident that I was going to get "top honors" this year for the best card. I was and still am pretty excited.

The above picture was on the face of the Christmas card and the text read, "Merry Christmas. Let nothing you dismay. From the Merry Gentlemen, Maxfield, Wyatt and Jackson. And Lauren and Bill.

Top Honors. That is big.

I need to start making next years card.

Jewish-ish

Susan is a friend of mine since childhood and while we were growing up she always invited me, the Catholic, to her Jewish family's celebrations. I attended various nights of Hanukkah and many Passover Seder dinners at her house that Susan's Uncle Kenny knighted me an Honorary Jew. He told me that after someone attends enough events with his family that by default they are Jewish-ish enough. He may have given me the honorary Jew title just because he wanted me to keep coming back to the Post Seder dinner poker games that I usually lost.

Susan still invites my family, more so my kids, to her house to celebrate and learn about Hanukkah with her daughter Estella. We have attended the past two years and the kids would exchange small gifts and my boys would get to light the Menorah and play Dreidel and eat chocolate "gelt" coins.

Last night Max told me that they were learning about Hanukkah in school.

"What did you learn about Hanukkah?" I asked.

"Nothing new." he said. "I already knew it all."

"Really?"

"Yeah, from Estella's house."

"Oh." I replied.

"Are there any Jewish kids in your class?" Lauren asked Max.

"No."

"How do you know?"

"The teacher asked if anyone in the class celebrated Hanukkah and I was the only one to say yes."

I laughed.

"The teacher asked if I was Jewish." Max added, "I told her no, but my friend Estella is, and that is where we celebrate Hanukkah."

I need to get Estella's Great-Uncle Kenny to knight Max.