Friday, September 29, 2006

Brain Surgery

Last night on Grey’s Anatomy there was a guy who needed brain surgery because he had no internal filter and pretty much told people what he was thinking and often it wasn't very nice. The truth hurts.

Lauren thought that I could have starred in that part. Ouch.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Wyatt Blue, 3 Months

At 3 months old he is already showing the signs of being disrespectful.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


While driving up to PA, Lauren says to Bill, after reading a billboard,

“Do you think that Truckers really care that Woo Kim’s massage parlor HAS truck Parking?”

Which started a discussion which I posted about over at the Blogfathers. Go read it and let me know what you think.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Love Bug

One of the interesting things about living in the south is dealing with the different species of animals and critters that are unique to this part of the country. This time of the year the prevalent critter is the Love Bug. They are harmless but they are everywhere. Read about them here and here.

Basically these bugs are like little lightning bugs (without the light) and they fly around with the male stuck to the female. They get all over everything. I was telling Lauren that the problem was even worse over on the coast.

"You should see the amount of love bugs they have over in Tampa. It's worse than here."

"Well that makes sense. The first time I ever saw or heard of a love bug was when we were visiting Clara in Sarasota." Lauren replied.

"Yeah. Me too. It sucks driving. You know it is bad enough when a bug splatters on your windshield but with these bugs it is always two splattering on the winshield at the same time. They are so hard to clean off."

Lauren said, "Yup. But, you know what's gross? You know, as they fly around, they are DOING IT. "

Friday, September 22, 2006


In trying to keep up with my new years resolution, I decided, the other day, to try the Eye Brow attachment on my hair trimmer thingy. Here is just a suggestion, if you own a hair trimmer like device, you should always just try it out on a small section first before just trimming the whole thing.

Now I don't think I look as bad as you may think, but man, my eyebrows feel naked.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Innocence of Youth

While visiting with the family in PA my brother Kevin and his wife Felicia invited us to their house for dinner. They live about an hour away from my parent’s house, which in most of my family’s eye's, is like living in Florida.

Kevin and Felicia have three kids. K jr. is about 10 and two girls, J and A are 7 and 5 give or take a year or two. Lauren and I were looking forward to hanging out and relaxing while Max played with the girls. The girls were very excited to have Max around so they could show him all of their cool stuff. They are both really good with their younger cousins and Lauren and I figured they would all play nicely.

When we arrived, the girls took Max out to their trampoline, which Max called a bed, in their backyard. They jumped for about 30 minutes when a neighborhood girl, Hannah, showed up and they all went inside. All the kids went up stairs to play with their toys.

Lauren and Felicia and I chatted in the kitchen at the base of the steps and we could hear the kids carrying on. The girls were fawning all over Max and he was loving every minute of it. He was happy to get the attention.

“Max look at this.” J said.

“Max, do want to play with the kitchen?” A said.

"See if he will like this." J said.

This went on for about 5 minutes when Hannah, the neighbor, said, “Let’s put Max in the shopping cart and push him down the steps.”

Lauren stopped in mid-sentence and looked at me, her mouth open.

“Did I just hear them say what I think they said?” I asked Lauren.

“Yes.” She replied.

I turned to Felicia ready to ask her about it when she said to me, “They wouldn’t.” She then paused and said, “At least I think they wouldn’t.”

I decided to go to the top of the steps to look on the kids. Sure enough, Maxfield was trying to climb into the kiddy-shopping cart as the girls looked on. I told the girls that I did not think their plan was a good idea and they went off to play with something else. Now I really do not think that they would have actually pushed him down the steps, but there was enough doubt in my mind that made me check on them and I am glad I did.

I know this will not be the first time that Max will do something stupid for pretty girls.

Crime and Punishment

Maxfield has a habit of throwing his food. When he is full, he likes to take the remaining food and throw it on the floor. Lauren and I have been trying to break him of this habit and have been putting him in Time Out every time he does it. He used to put up a fight, and go to the time out step screaming and kicking.

Last night Max threw his food again. Lauren looked at him and asked, “Max, did you just throw your food?”

Max smiled and said, “No.”

“Are you lying to me?” Lauren asked in a way that only a mother could ask.


Lauren stood up, fighting a laugh, and told him he would have to go into Time Out. She un-strapped him from his booster seat and he hopped down and walked right over to the Time Out step. He sat for a few minutes until Lauren had talk with him. Once Lauren lifted the Time Out he walked into the kitchen and said, “Sorry Daddy.”

“What are you sorry for, Max?” I said.

“Throw food.”

I don’t know what made me happier; the fact that he went to Time Out without a fuss or the fact that he actually “GOT IT” in regards to what his crime was.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


My mom is always pretty good at getting the house ready for company. Before my family arrived for an extended stay with them she went all out preparing for our arrival. She bought new blankets and sheets, decorated with monkeys and Thomas the train, for Maxfield’s bed. I arranged to have my brother (thanks Jim and Shannon) drop off a Pack N Play for Wyatt, which my mom had set up all nice and cozy. Even the room Lauren and I were staying in was set up as a nice little shrine to me. Our room was adorned with pictures of me, Lauren and the kids as well as old playbills from some of my past theater performances. My mom even had Superman coasters in the room.

I know it must be difficult for my mom, but she remembered to bring out, dust off and display all the past gifts we have given her. Such as pillows and a table runner that Lauren made for her. She made it appear as though those gifts are always on display in her house, although most likely they were tucked away in the family room closet under an old Monopoly game and a Boggle box that is surely missing some letters.

But with all the perfection of the house, which was geared for my family my mom goofed.

You see, as you walk into my parent’s house, through the front door, immediately on the left is a wall of 8 x 10’s of all of her grandkids. There are 22 pictures hanging on that wall from where the front door opens to the start of the hallway. Those pictures, I am sure, are my mom’s pride and joy (those pictures and the one 8 x 10 of her only son-in-law, Tony who has a special spot in the house). But where my mom goofed, was the arrangement of the pictures. Their front door opens into the house to the left. When the door is left open some of those pictures get covered up. Guess whose pictures were behind that door? That’s right. Max and Wyatt.

You would figure, or at least I would, that since we live a thousand miles away that their pictures would be front and center. But they weren’t. They were tucked back behind the door, barely visible by any guests that may be arriving. Once we noticed the pictures, we realized that all the other preparations were just a ruse, to make us feel loved.

I, of course, mentioned the picture arrangement to my mom. The next day she re-arranged the pictures to our liking; the pictures of Max and Wyatt front and center and the Lawnwhisperer’s kids behind the door.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Back to our regularly scheduled blogging

We are back in Florida. All in all, the trip up North was was very nice. I believe everyone had a nice time and that most of our family was happy to see us. My parents were real troopers for having us for two weeks. As we were heading to the PA Turnpike I turned to Lauren and said, "That is the first time, since we moved, that after seeing my mom, she did not cry when we left."

Lauren said, "She was probably happy to get rid of us."

We stayed with my parent's for two weeks.

Granny, my dad's mom, used to say "Company is like fish. After a few days it begins to stink." and I think we were like fish.

I am not saying they did not enjoy our company but with the new surroundings and what not Maxfield was quite a handful. Here is a list of things he did that would not normally happen at my parent's house if there were no kids around.

1. Assisted with breaking one of my mom's Lennox candle holders.
2. Kept removing a decorative plate above the couch. My mom said Max was the only grandkid to attempt it.
3. He peeled the paint from their tv stand.
4. While my mom had guests over for brunch, Max shattered a plate on the kitchen floor.
5. He ripped down her Irish Blessing wall hanging
6. He vomitted all over her couch and my digital camera (which no longer works.).
7. Max put a rock, about the size of a golfball, into the grill of my brothers Jim's mini van. There was no way to get it out. I am sure the rattle is driving Jim crazy.
8. He smashed a toy that Penny (a neighbor) gave him, into several pieces on my mom's kitchen floor.
9. He drew all over my dad's favorite chair with a ball point pen.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Recurring Dream

I keep having this recurring dream. It is starting to bother me. In my dream, I go to use a public restroom. Just as I am settled in, pants around my ankles and all, my cell phone rings. Out of no where, theat freaky Verizon guy with the glasses from the Verizon commercials appears in the stall with me. Then all of the wireless network people from the commercial appear in the bathroom. The one guy even drops from the ceiling on a rappel line.

I then get stage fright and cannot go.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Judith Jones

If you Googled the name Judith Jones you would find many different people have that name. A Doctor, an architect, a cook, an actress and many more through the 14 million plus search results. Throughout that search, every so often, a result shows that will usually read “Judith Jones, 53, Woodbridge VA. Pentagon.” It is that particular Judith I want to tell you about.

We bloggers learn a lot about each other from reading each other’s blogs day in and day out. I know more about the life of some bloggers I have never met, than I do of the lives some of my oldest friends. Blogging does that. I want you to get to know Judith Jones. Since it will be mostly bloggers that read this I want to imagine what Judith’s blog entries would have looked like. The following is based on information I have gathered from the inter-net as well as from Judith’s daughter.

July 2000
I went to the beach today. It is amazing how much I love the beach. The beach is absolutely my favorite place to be. There is nothing greater than having the salt air cutting across the beach as I have squeeze the sand between my toes while listening to the waves crash. No I need to change that. There is something greater than that. That would be if I could do all of that and hear the laughter of my grandchildren playing in the surf. I will make sure I take them with me the next time I go.

November 2000.
Thanksgiving was fantastic this year. I invited a few co-workers over to celebrate with my family. It is shame that some of the people I work with are so far away from their families for the holidays. But I guess that is the nature of the military. I am glad that I can share my family with them and hopefully give them a sense of family for the holidays. I also need to remember to bring in a cake next week for “Pat’s” birthday.
Go Redskins!!

May 2001.
I lost a dear, dear friend recently. I knew her for 30 years. She was diagnosed with a terminal illness and it was only a matter of time but it is always sad. I did everything I could for her while she fought this illness. Visiting every weekend. Helping her with her house and doing chores for her. I have two other friends that I help in this way as well. It never gets old helping people. The friend that just passed, I loved playing Rummy with her. There were many weekends spent just playing cards. Now that she is gone I will need to find another card player. Maybe I can teach some of the kids at the church nursery, where I volunteer, how to play. I am sure they will love to learn a few card games.

June 2001
I just love being the “secret mail person” for my grandkids. I don’t know where I got the idea, but I leave them secret notes in the backseat of their car. I always try to leave them a little message. Things like:

Make sure you make your bed in the morning

Make sure you tell your mom you love her.
Don’t forget to say your prayers before bedtime.
Pickup your room before going to bed, that way if you have to pee in the middle of the night you won’t step on anything.

I always sign the notes “Secret Mail Person.” I know that the grandkids love getting the notes because as soon as they get in the car they look for them. I figure it is a way for them to learn a little something from their grandmom.

Judith was not the type of person to have a blog. She was very humble and most likely would not post about all the good things she had done in her life. She was a remarkable person who loved her family, her friends, her co-workers and her grandkids. One story that was sent to me from her daughter was that in the mid 90’s Judith inherited some money. She ended up cutting a check to her church because Judith didn’t need anything and she wanted to make sure that the money was directed to people who had needs. That was what Judith Jones was about.

I write about Judith Jones today as part of the 2996 9-11 tribute. If you Googled the name Judith Jones you would find a doctor, an architect, an actress and you will find “Judith Jones 53, Woodbridge VA. Pentagon.” It is sad that you will not find out about all the wonderful things she has done. All the different lives she touched. What type of wonderful person she was. Maybe now, after I post this, you will.

I did not know Judith Jones in real life. The imagined blog is based on information that I gathered about Judith Jones and all the good things that she did. She helped others. She volunteered her time to help people in need. She loved her daughter and her grandchildren but she also loved people and did what she could for people. I say again, I know that this will be read mostly by bloggers and most bloggers communicate through comments. Please do me a favor and leave a comment for Judith’s “blog”. Not mine, but to hers. She was a good person and I am glad I got to know her.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Magic House

I have been spending my vacation in Pennsylvania and will be here for a little while longer. We are staying with my parents. One of the coolest things about staying with my parents is the fact that they have a magic house.

How is it magic you ask? I will give you some examples of the weird happenings.

Before driving up to PA I mentioned to my mom how much I like sausage, biscuits and gravy. Guess what we had for breakfast on the first day in PA? Sausage, biscuits and gravy.

I mentioned to my mom how much I like Dorito's, guess what, the very next night there were Dorito's in the pantry.

While I was snacking on my Dorito's with my mom, she asked what was my favorite snack. I told her Cheetos. The very next day there was a big bag of Cheetos waiting for me when I got home.

Magic I tell ya. Magic.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


Once you have had Oreo Double Stuff cookies why would you ever go back to the regular Oreo's?

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I am a boob

I keep telling stories about how I am misunderstood or how people do not get my sense of humor. In defense of all my neighbors I have to admit I do not know many of them well enough or I should say they do not know me well enough to get me. I know if I spent more time with them they would eventually get to know me better but until then there will be miscommunication.

Our neighbor Jane called the other day to wish us a safe trip. Lauren was out running errands while I was home with the kids. Wyatt was not happy because it was time for him to be fed. It was while Wyatt was screaming that Jane called.

I answered the phone, “Hello.”

“Hi Bill this is Jane. How are you?”

“Good. And you?”

“Good. Is Lauren there?”

“No she ran out for a bit. She should be back soon. I will tell her to call you.”

“Okay. I was just calling to wish you a safe trip.”

“I’m sorry. What did you say? Wyatt is screaming and I am having a hard time hearing you.”

“Oh. Is everything okay there?”

“Yes. He is just mad at me because he is hungry and I don’t have boobs.”

“Oh Well I am sure you will soon.”

“What? I figured I have another five years before I get them. I mean I know I am not in the best of shape but c’mon.” I said with a chuckle.

“What? I meant I am sure Lauren will be home soon.”