Monday, February 28, 2011

Happy Father's Day

When I started this blog, Poop and Boogies, I never intended for it to be a Daddy Blog. Actually the term Daddy Blog wasn't even part of the blogging vocabulary back in 2005 (I am not a big fan of the term Daddy Blog because I think it limits a person's perception on what this blog is about or any other blog that gets the two word description like Mommy Blog or Craft Blog or Political Blog). I did intend for this blog to be about my life and my family. Since I am a dad and most of life and time is consumed in an effort to make my kids life better, this blog has become mostly about parenting. So yeah, I guess I am a Daddy Blogger.

Seven years ago, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon this happened. Seven years ago, throughout the day, and in the middle of the night this happened.

My dad used to call me on March 1st and wish me a Happy Father's Day because it "is the anniversary of when you became a dad." Seven years ago Maxfield was born. Seven years ago I became a dad.

To celebrate Max's Birthday we took Max, a few of his friends, and Wyatt to a Rock Climbing Gym. Max and his buddies put on harnesses and helmets and had an hour to climb and jump and flip and learn to rock climb.

As a "Daddy Blogger" I am supposed to write a heart touching post using analogies and metaphors about how watching Max rock climb is kind of like life, letting him go, trusting him, watching him climb and fail only to try again, being worried about him falling and getting hurt, using the support rope and holding it too tightly,

making sure he accomplishes his goals and reaches the top.But I didn't think about any of those things at the Rock Climbing Gym. The truth be told the only thing I was thinking about was,
"Damn, my kids are the cutest rock climbers ever."

I am not a very good Daddy Blogger.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dental Humor

I am sitting in the dentist's office having a consultation done regarding three teeth that need to be extracted. The dentist is reviewing the options of novacaione versus anesthesia and the comlications that can arise. The dentist flips through my charts and starts checking off boxes on a form.

"Are you allergic to any medications?" he asks.

"Benadryl and some kind of anti inflamatory stuff." I answered.

"Any medical conditions for which you take daily medication?"


The dentist checked off a bunch of boxes in a row.

"Any problems with Alcohol or drugs?" He asked.

"No." I answered. "How about you?"

The dentist looked over the top of his glasses.

"Excuse me?" He asked like I offended him.

"I just figured you were the one that was going to be cutting into my gums with sharp objects that I should ask you the same question." I smiled trying to let on I was making a joke.

He looked back at the form not acknowledging my joke. He place the tip of his pen onto the form and prepared to write the answer to the next questions

"Who is your emergency contact?" He asked.

I answered hesitantly. I wasn't sure if he was asking because it was an actual question on the form or if he was making a joke. Or was he?

Poop and Boogies turns 6 years old this week. I really do appreciate all the people that stop by here to read the little stories I write. From the bottom of our hearts, my family and I thank you.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Make Out

There is no such thing as a bad cheese steak. Sure some are waaay better than others but there is no such thing as a bad one. A cheese steak*, to me, is just like making out; sometimes it is a little sloppy and wet; sometimes it is a little dry; sometimes you need to use more tongue; and sometimes it smells like onions but for the most part I am just happy to be getting some. Now that Lauren and I have 3 boys there is not a lot of time to be getting cheese steaks (see another way to compare it to making out). We try to set a good example of eating and cooking right and we leave the fatty take-out to a once in a while occasion.

This past Saturday night was that once in a while occasion.

In the city there is a debate about who has the best cheese steaks, Pat's, Geno's or Jim's. Out in the burbs most places make a decent cheese steak but none ever can compete with the those big three. Lauren found a coupon for Tonelli's and we decided to give it a try. I've gotta tell you it was one of the best cheese steak sandwiches I have had.

Saturday night into Sunday morning, around 2 AM, Lauren woke up and told me she was not feeling well, she felt nauseous. Twenty minutes later she was vomiting. My first thought was "Man I hope she does not have a stomach bug or flu." My second thought was, "I hope she will be okay." My third thought was "Looks like I have go the kids all day. My fourth thought, "Maybe it was something she ate. What did we have different that we normally don't have?" And my fifth and final thought, which I guess I should be ashamed to admit was, "OH NO! Cheese steak. We had Cheese steaks. I hope it was not the cheese steaks. Oh I hope she has a stomach bug. I hope she has a stomach bug. I hope she has a stomach bug."

I need to defend my wish that my wife had a stomach bug.

Did you ever drink too much gin or eat some kind of curry dish, only to get sick later and throw-up? You end up swearing off that brand of gin. Or you refuse to ever eat curry again. It has nothing to do with the food itself , but just the smell of curry brings back the memory of the dry heaves it caused is enough to make you stay away. It can be any kind of food or drink, once you associate it with vomiting you usually, for years, will not touch the stuff. So if Lauren associated the awesome Cheese steaks with her being sick, there was a really good chance that we would, not only never go that place again, but we would never get cheese steaks again. I couldn't have that. These cheese steaks were that awesome and were only minutes away from my house.

Turned out Lauren had a bug. She was in bed all day Sunday. When she was not in bed she was throwing up. It was a bad day.

I did my best to occupy the kids throughout the day getting ready for Valentine's Day parties on Monday. I also did my best to take care of my sick wife. All day I had a nagging thought in the back of my head that there was a chance that I may get the stomach bug too. I kept trying to eat bland things or maybe things that I knew I already did not like just in case I got nauseous. I did not want to have a an episode that would cause me to banish the delicious chopped steak and cheese in a long roll. I had cereal for breakfast, toast for lunch. I made a dinner of plain grilled chicken, asparagus and crackers.

Sunday night as I placed out Valentine's days cards and gifts for my kids and wife I decided to have a snack. We had a bag of Doritos and a bag of plain corn tortilla chips. I am so glad I chose the plain corn chips. At 2 AM I caught the stomach bug. I was thankful for puking tortilla chips. I love Doritos. I was in bed all day Monday. Thankfully Lauren was doing better (it was only a 24 hour bug). It was her turn to take care of me. I couldn't move at all on Valentine's Day. Nothing says "I love you" like the willingness to clean up a person's bag of vomit and bile.

As I was laying in bed in a sleep deprived dehydrated cramp induced delirium I couldn't help but be thankful that I too had a stomach bug. Because then I knew it was not the cheese steaks.

I look forward to another night of Tonelli's cheese staek make-out. I mean take-out.

* When you live in the Philadelphia Pa area you don't call a a cheese steak a "Philly Style Cheese steak. It is just a Cheese steak.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Post From The Future

Poop and Boogies 3.0

What's for Breakfast --2/10/2056

I had to drop my rocket jet pack off at the dealer this morning. I have been having problems with the throttle. The other day on my way to work at the hologram theater I nearly lost power and dropped about 100 feet. At first, I thought it may be the bypass line, but the seventh Fetzer valve was sticking so I thought the dealer should take a look. Sure I could have taken the Green Transporter Line to work, but ever since I was nominated for a HAG award and a HolOscar I get recognized. Besides, the dealer is right down the street from the home where my dad is placed, so I decided to pay him a visit.

I stopped at the front desk and spoke with the RN. I asked if I could speak with someone who had a little more authority and knowledge about my dad. Robot Nurses do a great job and all but sometimes dealing with a real person is better. The RN tapped a few times on her I-Stamp and a few minutes later I was talking to Colette, dad's primary human caregiver.

"Wyatt, It is so nice to see you. William, I mean your dad, is doing great. You are just in time for breakfast. Would you like to stay and help me feed your dad?"

"Sure." I said. The whole reason for stopping in was to spend time with him.

"William, I mean your dad, is pretty hungry this morning. He refused to eat his dinner last night."

"Really? What were you having?" I asked.

"Spaghetti." She said. "He used to eat it all the time. Last night he refused. He said the sauce was too spicy. It is the same sauce we use every other time we make pasta which he never had a problem with. It is the same sauce we use for the Pizza we make, which he eats with no problem. I don't know, last night he was just being stubborn."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I told him he would not get any snacks or anything else to eat until breakfast."

We walked down the hallway towards his room when a memory crept out of the corner of my mind. I could see myself sitting at our table in Hatboro. I was 4 years old. Maybe 5. I refused to eat my spaghetti. My mom was so frustrated. I remember her saying something like, "What, so now you don't like spaghetti? I am running out of things to feed you Wyatt. I will not let you be a kid who only eats chicken nuggets and fries." I remember dad getting angry. "Nothing else to eat tonight! Do you understand?" I got up from the table. "You will be having Spaghetti for breakfast tomorrow. Do you understand?" I nodded. I think I heard dad say something to mom about "going all Mommy Dearest with breakfast".

As we got closer to dad's room Colette asked me something but I was not paying attention. I was lost in the memory of the next morning of me screaming as my dad was taking the plastic wrap off my plate of spaghetti from the night before. I still can't stand the smell of microwaved cold spaghetti. I remember dad holding his ground and telling me I had to eat the pasta before I would get anything else like fruit or yogurt. I also recall that as soon as I started crying he had to go to work and left mom to do the dirty work.

"Wyatt? Wyatt?" Colette's voice pulled me back to the present.

"I'm sorry." I said as I shook off the memory.

"That's okay. I know sometimes visiting can be difficult. I asked what would you like to feed your father this morning? We have pancakes, waffles, oatmeal or cold cereal." She said.

I thought a moment.

"Do you have any spaghetti left over from last night?" I asked.

Colette was hesitant. "Uh, yes." she said.

"Then that's what he will have." I said.

I really, really enjoyed my breakfast with my dad that morning.

Posted By Wyatt- at 2/10/2056 at 9:17 AM

This post was inspired by my brother the LawnWhisperer. When I told him about feeding Wyatt spaghetti for breakfast he said that when I am old and I need my kids to take care of me they will remember those moments.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

I've known too many Spaniels

One of the greatest fights ever was the duel between the man in black and Inigo Montoya at the top of the Cliff's of Insanity. They used Bonetti's defense, which was appropriate considering the rocky terrain. Thibault could cancel out the Capa Ferro attack. The opponent used his Agripa. It was a mighty duel. They both used their best moves and artistry in the sword fight. They dodged and parried and thrust and dodged some more. They both dueled left handed, a deception move used until they needed to switch to their right and stronger hand, which changed the direction of the battle twice.

The conversation that takes place right before the fight, as Inigo who is just waiting around to kill the man in black meanwhile assisting him is a wonderful display of honesty and mutual respect. The dialog during the battle is the same, each dueler complimenting the other while attacking with blades.

The man in black bested the Spaniard. Why? He was better. He wore down his opponent. He knew when to strike and when to sit back.

Lauren and the kids have bested me. They wore me down. They knew when to strike and when to sit back. I waited at the top of the Cliff's of Insanity to shoot down their requests to get a new dog. Our conversations were honest and showed mutual respect.

"I promise to take her for walks." Max would say smiling his semi-toothed smile.

I used Bonetti's defense. No, was my answer.

"I will feed the dog." Wyatt would say and bat his long brown eyelashes.

I have studdied my Agrippa. No.

Lauren called me last week. She was at the SPCA. She wanted to tell me about Lilly, the Spaniel mix, she had just found and fell in love with.

"No." I said.


"I have known too many Spaniels."

Lauren sent me a picture, which was equivalent to admitting she was not left handed.

We picked her up on Saturday. This is Lily.

Lauren and I want to change her name. Lily is one of my favorite names. We know a few Lilys. And each of them is beautiful and radiant. But they are people. Lily the dog is a beaut and radiant and full of life. But she is a dog. I don't want to, I don't know, disrespect or confuse the two. We are thinking of name for our new dog.

Any suggestions?

Tuesday, February 01, 2011


"Dad, can you show me how to Google something?" Maxfield, my 6 year old, asked.

I was curious about his request. The only interest he shows in the computer is when a game is involved. And he mentioned Google by name.

"Sure. What do you want to look up?"

"Billy Inschool* said that applesauce is a fruit. I told him it wasn't because a fruit is a fruit and applesauce is made from apples which is a fruit but that apple sauce is not a fruit because it does not grow that way."

*Tangent-I always find it funny that to a kid, another kid's last name is the same as where the kid knows the other kid from. Inschool is not Billy's last name and if it was he would have many siblings. There is Marissa Inschool, Kyle Inschool, Zach Inschool, Nicky Inschool etc. These are the same kids with the same last name as Inmyclass. Billy Inmyclass, Marissa Inmyclass, Zach Inmyclass. Billy also has the last name Fromteeball and Fromaroundtheblock, it all depends on when and where the point of reference to the conversation is. *End Tangent.

"And you want to look up, on Google, if applesauce is a fruit?"


I explained to Max, to the best of my knowledge, how the Internet works and what Google does as a search engine. I showed him how to get to Google and where he should type his key words. I told him the Internet was great for looking up information. I told him how when I was younger we need to look up information in books like encyclopedias. I also told him he is to never look up anything without an adult around.

"Why?" He asked?

"Well sometimes the answers to your questions may be something that is totally wrong for you. Do you know how I don't want you to watch certain movies or play certain games? Well it is kind of the same thing. Mommy or Daddy should be around to make sure you are learning what you need to learn from your questions."


"Looking up whether applesauce is a fruit should be okay for you to do." I said. "Now what should you type?"

"Is applesauce a fruit?" He said.

"Give it try."

Max started typing in the Google search bar. He typed a letter I and then the letter S. Google started to do the auto fill thing it does when it thinks it knows your search. Max started to read the Google questions suggestions.

I could see his innocent brain start to process the first Google auto fill response. He looked at me and then back to the screen. He looked at me again and then back to the screen. I quickly reached over top of his arms and typed the word apple to change the Google auto fill response to something more apple related. I quickly changed the topic to apple and sauces trying to distract him from his thoughts about Santa.

Seriously Google? The first response to the word IS in your searches is about whether Santa is real? Now I have no idea if that was what Maxfield was reading. I hope he was trying to figure out if Lady Gaga is a man. I know I would have an easier time talking to my kid about Vin Diesel's sexuality then I would explaining the existence of Santa.

Does anyone know if there is a kid friendly version of Google? Or does anyone know someone who sells Encyclopedias?