Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Top Gun

I saw a show on the History Channel about aircraft carriers. The pilots were talking about the how difficult it actually is to land a plane on a moving ship; that there is a very thin margin for error. Everything the pilots said reminded me of changing Maxfield’s diaper.

To change a diaper I (the pilot) have to position a diaper on a moving target (Max) with little room for error or there will be an accident or leakage. I have to make sure that the blue stretchy lining is aligned perfectly with his butt. That his pecker is pointed down (to prevent him peeing out the top) and that the Velcro/sticky tabs are properly placed and fastened.

Here is part of an article I read about landing on a carrier.

The carrier is 1,123 feet long and 257 feet wide, but an incoming plane must be almost exactly 14 feet above its ramp as it comes in. Approaching between 12 and 16 feet is considered acceptable; deviate much more and the landing is in jeopardy.

Next, a pilot must couple the plane’s tail hook with one of the four arresting wires strung across the deck – all while staying at full power, and constant speed. If something goes wrong, the pilot has to be ready to blast off the deck and come around again.

Doing that – touching down and throttling right back off – is termed a “bolter,” and it’s not a desired outcome (though anything, a pilot will remind, is better than crashing). In other situations, such as if a plane or piece of debris is still on the landing strip, the LSO can “wave off” a plane, sending it overhead and back into the
approach pattern.

It is kind of fitting.
Somtimes I wish I had Signal Officers.

By the way my favorite MooneyAngelo is up.


mreddie said...

I can so relate to this scenario when I babysit my small grandsons, everything perfectly aligned and always ready to cap off the geyser. :) ec

Tammy said...

Wait until he decides to grab the dirty diaper and fling it while you are wiping him. That's fun. It's like his little but exploded all over the room.

Good times.

Anonymous said...

Lauren should be told the rules of Top Gun.

Never, Ever, Leave your wingman.

You should not have to change diapers alone.

Unknown said...

These days my little aircraft carrier is moving in every direction at once while I am trying to land a new diaper on him. I swear by the technique of putting the new diaper under the old diaper before removing it.

Unknown said...

One word: Pull-Ups.

Or is that two words?

Cat said...

I had two children in diapers at the same time. Boy did my second child's ass look HUGE when her newborn, 6-pound sister came along! And the contents of the diaper? Significantly larger and smellier! Oh, do I offend? TMI? Sorry!

Yep, I broke out the Poo-Poo Smarties and began the potty training pretty damn soon after that, I tell you what. Momma don't play like dat.

Susie said...

Here's hoping he doesn't decide it's "Bombs away" time mid-change. The worst is when they don't want to land. Must. Land. The. Craft.

Lois Lane said...

I'm sure glad you are brave enough to undertake such a task. And I am even happier that you haven't found a cutsie name for Max's "pecker". LOL! I can't say why but that to me was the funniest part. :)
Lois Lane

kimmyk said...

I remember when my son useta pee in his mouth cause he'd be shootin straight up.

That was horrible.

Jewl said...

I can't wait to potty train... I am tired of doing the WWE everytime I change a diaper!