Friday, February 17, 2006

You can dress us up...

Lauren and I received a gift certificate for $100 to a high-end furniture store when we closed on our house last year. The gift certificate came in a “welcome to the area” basket and was due to expire soon so we figured we would use it for accessories. Since it is difficult to shop for anything with Maxfield, we hired a babysitter and Lauren I went to the store to shop.

This furniture store was huge. 85000 square feet of overpriced couches, tables, bookshelves and area rugs. As we entered the store, as with car dealers, shoe stores and strip clubs, we were approached by a person working there that we knew was not going to leave us alone the entire time we would be there. The salesman’s name was Jim. He wanted to be our best friend.

Like most men I hate furniture shopping. Like most women Lauren enjoys it. She was browsing the different area’s looking for accessories as well as gathering some design idea’s for our house. Lauren, of course, would see a piece that she liked and would run her hand over the surface, open drawers and admire the craftsmanship. I, of course, would look at the price and roll my eyes and move on. Jim was never really out of eyesight of us.

At one point we approached a home theater room. This room was totally decked out. Surround sound, leather recliner seats with cup holders, a second row of recliner seats a step up from the first ones, a giant, and I mean Giant television, red fabric on the walls the whole shebang.

Lauren and I entered the room, sat down on the chairs and, admired the whole feel of the room. The only problem was that there was nothing on the TV.

We exited the room and our buddy Jim was standing there waiting to explain the finer details of the room.

“You can get that exact room, stereo, TV, surround sound, totally wired and installed for 170 thousand dollars.”

“Oh.” I said. “How come the TV is not on?”

“They don’t let us turn it on.”

“You know, if you had that television on, I would sit in there and watch it the whole time while my wife shopped. Just think about it. You could just play old football games and I would spend hours in there. I wouldn’t be bothering my wife to leave, and you might be able to make a sale.”

“Well” he replied. “We don’t actually own that room. The people that do, rent the space from us. So it is difficult to use it for our advantage.”

“That sucks.” I said “Just think of the money your store could make if you had a football game on in there……”

(and this is where the edit button stopped working.)

“……A football game or Porn”

Lauren rolled her eyes and said, “Bill!? Do you have to embarrass me every time we are out in public?”

I apologized.

Jim did a nervous chuckle and started to lead us into another section.

As we wound our way through the desks and dining tables in the next section Lauren stopped to admire a desk. Jim sensing that she was lagging behind slowed down to wait for her. She rubbed her hand over the surface, looked up and noticed that we were waiting.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” She said as she picked up her pace. Then with out realizing what she was saying she said, “I love feeling wood.”

I burst out laughing. “Do you have to embarrass me every time we are out in public.”


Unknown said...

Heh... score one for William!

That's classic...

Cat said...

I swear. You and TGIM are like the same person. It's incredible. Except, TGIM would have wandered around saying things like, "What the hell?! Six thousand dollars for a SOFA?! We could get one just like this at Costco for fifteen hundred!" "You call that shoddy piece of craftsmanship an armoire? It's made of particle board..." and "Cat, I'm starting to get that bad, closed-in feeling... I can't... breathe... must... head over... to Radio Shack..."

I think Lauren has the better deal, actually.

And HEE on the "I love feeling wood." She just walked right into that one, didn't she?

Anonymous said...

That's OK, I think Jim was looking at her cones anyway.

Anonymous said...

That is a classic.... and yes its obvious that Lauren has great taste.. and obvious that she likes feeling wood.... aren't you two expecting? score one up for the shopping experience...

anyway, how funny is that ... by the way like you I can't stand going into furniture stores, especially with the kids... but I have to say the last Seven Stores we were in the other week, all of them had tv's on with some type of kids cartoons playing. So needless to say I volunteered to stay back with the kids and watch the TV while the wife did her shopping... i just wish they had popcorn!

-somehow related-

Tammy said...

You guys kill me. LMAO!

Anonymous said...

so, what the hell did you buy?

Lois Lane said...

Classic! That was too funny. Thanks for the laugh!!
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane

Lowa said...

Yeah, you left out the most important part. What did you end up getting?? Anything?? LOL

Lauren walked into that one, but only because of how men think.

We think about...THAT...possibly every few days. And then it is only "OH CRAP! We have not done it in a few days, he is going to be after me soon."

Men think about it every 8 point something seconds. So obviously, you guys would take ANYTHING and turn it into that. My hubby does it to me ALL THE TIME. We can be having a conversation about anything at all. Within the space of 5 minutes at least 6 or 7 times he will burst out laughing because I have supposedly made comments that can be taken in that manner.

MEN! There ARE other things going on in the world, honestly!

Anonymous said...

I always end up laughing when I read your blog!

Peanutt said...

HAHAHAHA! That is classic!!!

Kami said...

OMG! That is hysterical!!!!

My Pugs Blogger said...

Hi there, first time commentor, long time lurker.

Too funny!! You need to learn how to shoo the salespeople away in the first interaction!

islandarts said...

Ouch! Poor Lauren!!!

LizzieDaisy said...

I think my face just went red for her... now are you sure she didn't say that on purpose? :)

Melanie said...

OMG. That's hysterical! I love it.

Judypatooote said...

You just have a way with words Wm.
and a way to make people laugh.... Thanks!

Anonymous said...

That Is AWESOME. You guys could be your own sitcom. I would totally watch.

Bente said...

Ahh, that is funny!

Meow (aka Connie) said...

Excellent post. Have a great weekend. Take care, Meow

kimmyk said...


poor poor Lauren.

She shoulda left you at home with Max.

Shannon Nelson said...

OK wait, the furniture store doesn't own a showroom in their own store? Yet they sell everything in that same room? Was he drunk when he told you this?

I think you are funny without the edit button on.

Ern said...

Sometimes we just set you guys up on purpose, you know. Lob an easy one your way, because we feel bad that you are always the ones with your feet in your mouths. :)

Anonymous said...

thats hilarious
nice way of adding the "why do you have to embarrass me comment"
im sure lauren loved it
i cant believe ur family reads this

Susie said...

Aagghh! Y'all get a MAJOR AWARD for that one! *lauginandlaughin*

MrsDoF said...

Quick-witted is what you are!
A great comeback line. I don't think so fast like that.

Here is one woman who doesn't like furniture stores. Whatever is good in the store will not be nearly as comfy after I've been an hour and a half sitting and crocheting.
Well, I did luck out with this chair I keep by the computer desk, but it is showing its age of 15 years.
And DoF grew up with a dad who was a craftsman woodworker for a hobby.
When we were first married, he worked for awhile in a furniture factory and criticized the designers like mad, even while he was putting the pieces together according to specs.
Our house now is filled with handmade tables and bookcases.
I'm kinda glad I don't have to deal with sales clerks like Jim.

Nature Girl said...

She just can't take you anywhere can she! I was howling with this are a riot! I went to a bookstore on my trip to FL this week, and thought of you while I was there. I took a picture just for you. I am going to post it on my blog right now before I forget..check it out! Stacie

Anonymous said...

Lauren's sister a woman does it, it's charming, when a man does, he's embarrassing you

Unknown said...

Good one, Lauren!