Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Who watches the watchman

In my quest to drop some weight and live a healthier life I have taken up running. Most of the time I run at night around 9:30 or so. Using various websites I have mapped a few courses through my neighborhood.

Every night during my jog I have noticed a small gold colored SUV driving very slow through the neighborhood. The first night the SUV slowed to a crawl as it approached me from behind. I thought I was going to get jumped, but then the speed picked back up and it passed me. I could not see the driver or the passenger. I figured they mistook me for someone else. The second night the same thing happened. Again two people driving very slowly. The third night the gold SUV approached me from the front, I could see shadows of both the driver and passenger. They did not slow down but kept a very slow driving pace. I was finally able to see the passenger on the fourth night. I realized it was my next door neighbor. He and another guy are part of the neighborhood watch program. For the next couple of nights I would wave to them as I ran by.

I was into my third week of running and I had just finished a 2.77 mile run (my furthest run at that time) when I saw a gold SUV approach me. It was driving very close to the opposite curb in a spastic stop and go fashion. I craned my neck to get a better view of the other side of the vehicle when I noticed someone moving very quickly, clinging to the shadows along the edges of the homes on that side of the street. It looked to me like the neighborhood watch guys were after someone.

All of the sudden the person took off across the front yard of a corner lot. I could see him clearly in the glow of the home's porch light. It was a teen-aged boy. The SUV, jolted, sped up and rounded the corner. Just as the SUV completed its turn, the teenager on the lawn spun around and ran in the opposite direction of the SUV. There was no way the SUV was going to be able to make a U-turn on the small street in time to catch the kid.

My inner Batman took over and I jetted after the kid. I thought maybe the kid was caught breaking into cars or maybe he was seen vandalizing some property. My adrenaline was flowing, my testosterone pumping. I would nab the perpetrator.

The kid was about 35 yards ahead of me when he realized I was chasing him. He sped up.

The kid was fast. I was faster.

For about 4 seconds I was faster. After that, the two plus miles I had just ran caught up to me. My shin splints ached, I could not catch my breath, sweat burned my eyes, I had a stitch in my side and my feet burned. I pulled up, gasping, limping, holding my lower right side. I leaned against a street light and watched the kid turn up the next road over. I hobbled to that corner and looked up to see if I could spot him. He too was now walking and he strolled up a driveway.

A minute later the gold SUV pulled up along side of me as a I walked towards the driveway. It was not the neighborhood watch SUV. A woman rolled down her window and thanked me for chasing her 13 year old son home. He was going to run away, she was following him trying to convince him to come home. He made it a block and half from his house when I started chasing him. I scared him straight home.


Carrie said...

That is freaking hilarious!

for a different kind of girl said...

This is awesome and hilarious, and I'm not even sure that's the right order!

James (SeattleDad) said...


Love that.

SciFi Dad said...

Dude, I would run home to my mommy if you were chasing me!

Anonymous said...

Nice dude. Funny stuff

Karen (formerly kcinnova) said...

Inner Batman has outer shin splints? Holy runaway!

Angela said...

Hilarious!!! I came over from Greeblemonkey and am so glad I did!

Anonymous said...

That kid was probably scared to death of you! He probably thought it better to go home than be mugged by a slow running night stalker! That is funny, Bill! You are funny! Try running at 6am, less worrisome for all.

Anonymous said...

You are not fast.

MrsDoF said...

Good for you, exercising. Every little bit helps.

You should make an effort to know these neighbors on sweeter terms. That momma seems to have her hands full with a moody teenager at her house.