Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Lost at the Target

We went to The Super Target last night to pick up a few odds and ends. Most times when we shop either Lauren or myself does the actual shopping while the other one entertains Maxfield. We picked up most of the stuff we needed when at one point we decided to split up. Lauren and Max went to go pick up cat food and I had to go over electronics. We were to meet at the front of the store.

Now I have been shopping enough with Lauren to know that whenever we split up we never are able to meet back up. The reasons for this are simple. One, I always forget to take a mental note of what she is wearing. So I walk back and forth in the front of the store looking at every person that resembles Lauren. I think to myself, “Was she wearing jeans? Was she wearing a gray sweatshirt?” I never get it right. And Two, I always try to think like her and predict which aisle she would use to get to the front of the store and head her off at the pass. I can never think like her. I always get it wrong.

So last night I am walking back and forth in front of the store looking for my wife thinking, “She said she needed candy bags, she probably is over by the holiday candy section.” I was wrong. Then it hit me, “She has Max. I just need to look for a 30 year old woman with brown hair with a toddler in the cart.” That fit the description of about 80% of the people in the store last night.
I go back to the front of the store because “Vizzini always said Go back to the beginning”. I am pacing back and forth for what seems forever but it was only like 5 minutes when I hear a toddler cry. It sounded just like Max. They say that a parent knows it’s baby’s cry. So I follow the cry. It stops. I listen again. There it is. I star walking to the sound. It stops. I stop. I try to listen over the ring of registers and the pumped in Christmas music. I hear it again. I am getting closer. It is just like playing Marco Polo.

I finally pin point the source of the cry. Not Maxfield. Parents knowing their baby’s cry thing. So not true with me. I felt like a lost kid.

A few minutes later we meet up and Lauren tells me that she has to run to the store next door. I tell her to meet Max and I out at the car. Max was getting a little antsy and it is easier to contain him in the car. I get him strapped into his car seat and I reach for the diaper bag to get him a snack when I realize that the bag is with Lauren. So in an effort to entertain him I put on some music.

Maxfield loves music. He claps hands and bobs his head to the beat. He complains when the music is not upbeat enough. He really likes when we dance together. He always laughs when either Lauren or myself shake our heads to the music.

We were listening to Ben Folds when I find the Black Eyed Peas CD and put it in the player. It’s dance party time in the KIA minivan. We were listening to track #9 (featuring James Brown). I am sitting in the front seat watching Max in the rearview mirror. He is laughing at my moves. We were really getting into it, and I was in the middle of my third Janet Jacksonesque head swerve thing when I look over and I see a Target employee watching me. The employee was gathering the shopping carts. But he just stood there watching me. I started to feel the flush of embarrassment creep up my neck and I signaled to him that I was trying to entertain the Kid in the backseat.

He looked at the back window, shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, laughed and continued to gather the carts. I then realized that we have tinted windows in the back of the van. He could not see what I referring Max. He probably thought I was some deranged idiot.


Tammy said...

"Vizzini always said Go back to the beginning" Pure. Greatness.

Anonymous said...

A few points of interest here.
1. Young Skywalker, and Solo also like to play the music and we dance.

2. We also like the up beat music, Bon Jovi is their favorite.

3. You are a deranged idiot.

Lois Lane said...

Hahahaha! The cart guy may have thought you were telling him to hop in back and join the crazy dance party.
Mr. Lane has that lost in the store thing too. I've actually had him paged. Mostly for giggles and his embarrassment.
Lois Lane

eclectic said...

So, your position is that you are not, in fact, some deranged idiot? Because I thought somewhere on here you mentioned being a parent; and I'm pretty certain it's mandatory to be both deranged and an idiot to parent properly.

Melanie said...

LMAO. That would so happen to my husband. Classic.

Just Jan said...

I have just come across your bolg from cheryl's blogroll. It's amazing!! I have just spent the last 20 minutes reading some of your previous posts. I have bookmarked you and plan on stopping by again.

I truely admire a man that can post about going to the ultrsound with his wife and being irritated until that one moment when he hears his unborn babies heart....and yes...that truely is amazing!!

The Q said...

Deranged idiot...maybe? But if he thought you were motioning for him to get in the backseat,he probably thought you were a deranged, PERVERTED, idiot who had a *thing* for red shirts and khaki pants.


kimmyk said...

I'm with Lois on this one...he probably thought you wanted him to hop in the back and get your swurve on.

OMG that made me chuckle out loud. I don't know how many times I have been singing away or dancing in the car only to realize someone was watching me. Ya just can't recover from an embarressment such as that.

Cheryl said...

Cell phones. You guys need them. :) It's nice to see that Lawnwhisperer is as nice to you as my brother is to me. (#3)

ToadyJoe said...

Embrace your inner weirdo. Just yesterday I was wondering why everywhere I went people were looking at me happily and smiling so festively. Wow... I thought... usually this time of year shoppers are GRUMPY. Then it dawned on me - I was wearing my funky sheep hat with the 3 dangly sheep on top and the 2 dangly sheep on the ties hanging down by my face. Ohhhhhh... blush.... Well, at least I made a bright spot in their day, and nobody was grouchy at me! :)

Mama Duck said...

At least you were rockin' to the Black Eyed Peas. That happens to me at stoplights and I'm belting out "Big Red Car" by The Wiggles.

Meow (aka Connie) said...

mamaduck took the words right out of my mouth. I used to get the weird looks doing the motions to "Mashed Potato" with the Wiggles. Too funny. Time Warp is also a good one, as is YMCA ... it's amazing how you can improvise YMCA in the confined space of a car !!!

Seeker said...

The splitting up in Target, Wal-Mart, Best Buy, etc. is a classic husband and wife thing. I used to be the one running around looking for him. We finally started synchronizing watches and we eventually find each other. Usually have a bunch of stuff not on the list, too. I think guys don't mind shopping if:
1. They can wander around alone.
2. They don't have to push a cart.
3. They know you'll be meeting them in 20 minutes at the front of the store.

Anonymous said...

If I were Lauren, you would totally know where to find me, right? Just follow the scent of the PPP!

Kari said...

LMAO! He probably thought you were inviting him in, lol!

Cat said...

I love that you can throw such an obscure Princess Bride reference in there with no problem whatsoever! No, really. It's inconceivable! I would just like to point out, however, that Vizzini, in all his wisdom, failed to deduce the goblet with iocane powder and totally died. Think about THAT before you go following the dude's advice, that's all I'm saying.

Hee. Cute story. Would it surprise you if I admit that I dance like that even when the kids AREN'T in the car with me? Yeah... I didn't think so.

Unknown said...

The Vizzini line was awesome.