Thursday, July 14, 2005

Slip Sliding Away

The other day I was mowing the yard after work. As I was making my East/West cuts across the front lawn (last week I did North/South. According to the Lawn Whisperer you should never cut your grass the same way two weeks in a row.) Lauren came out with Maxfield and said she was running to the store.

Since it was hot and humid I was quite sweaty and gross and I jumped in the shower. While I was in there Lauren returned and started calling my name.

Bill?”
“Bill?”
Bill!”

I called out from the bathroom, “I’m in the shower!”

Her and Max enter the bathroom. “Bill if the guy behind the counter at Publix offers Max a cookie, this is why you should never say chocolate chip is Okay.”
I slide the smoked glass door to get a better look. Max is standing there, all smiles, covered in chocolate. His hands spread wide to show me all the chocolaty goodness in between his fingers. Clumps of chocolate were freckling his face and hair.

“Take off his clothes and give him to me. I will clean him up in here.” I said.

Lauren removes his clothes and hands him over to me so I can use the hand held showerhead to rinse him down. “I am going to bring the bags in." She said and she left.

I get him all cleaned up and dry him off. I wrap the towel around my waist and take Max into the bedroom. I need to get dressed so I could take him upstairs and put him in his pajamas. I turn to get my socks out of the drawer when I hear Max giggle. I turn to see what is so funny.

There, standing in the middle of my bedroom, Max is laughing at the stream of pee that he has discovered coming out of him. He looked like one of those cement fountains. The expression on his face is like “OH that is what this does”. As he is piddling on the hardwood floors, he decides to see if he could catch it. He was like a dog chasing its tail. He is following his own stream of pee.

“Max, NO!” I yelled just a little too late.

His feet caught the puddle and like cartoon character trying to run, his legs are moving but he is not going anywhere. I could have sworn I heard the Scooby Doo running sound effect, doodleloo doodleloo doodleloo doodleloo. And before I could get to him, he crashes down in his own pee, landing on his knees. He started to cry.

I pick him up to check to see if he is injured. He seemed fine. He was dripping with pee. Now since I picked him up, I am covered in pee. We both needed to take showers again.

I am sure glad he is not at the age where I would have to kiss his knee to make it better

16 comments:

Circus Kelli said...

Ha! Great visual story, Bill!

When I was in the hospital on bedrest with our third little clown, I watched Dr. Phil (because daytime TV is NOT GREAT) and I will always remember this bit of advice he gave to a new father...

ALWAYS COVER "THE WEAPON." ;)

ieatcrayonz said...

Oh my word. I think I may have been in tears as well, from laughing SO hard.

Thank goodness for hardwood floors.

Effie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh--I'm laughing so hard--I'm glad he figured out what "it" was for, just too bad it was on the floor--at least it wasn't a carpet....

What a sight if Lauren came in to find you running around half-naked chasing a peeing naked boy....

And the sound effects you provided just added to the fun--thank you for brightening my day!

Jessica said...

Cute post! I stopped at your blog b/c I'm from Abington, PA.

Hope that you and your family love Florida.

Charlotte in Pa said...

Boys... always amazed by their willies...

mrtl said...

What a great story!!

maggie said...

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!

Candace said...

Oh...boys.

I'm so glad I have only one (I mean, it would have been absolutely FINE had I been blessed with more than one, but you know...so glad I have only one!!).

And my husband worships at the alter of the Lawn Whisperer, too.

Candace said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
dnyduck said...

Loved this story!

I found your site via another blog - Raising Liam. You are a great writer. I'm sure I will be back for more great stories....especially the ones about raising you little boy Max.

Stephanie

Susie said...

AAAAAAAAH HAHAH Good one William! Hearing about Max, I can't wait till Liam has adventures for me to share. Right now he is figuring out how to cruise holding onto furniture - so I fear it won't be long!

Max's Favorite Uncle said...

WaY to go Max! At least it was in your house and not in your neighbors bushes. Patrick about a year ago just walked over to the neighbors bush and started to pee every where. I was sos embarrased.

kalki said...

Classic.

laurenbove said...

Awesome! I had a similar deal yesterday, but with poop and my toddler! ha!

Susie said...

Best pee story I've seen. You're a good storyteller, too.

Lauren's sister Lisa said...

That is SO funny, I laughed all day! Mom was so psyched to come down, I know she's having a great time! Lisa (Lauren's sister)