Possessed

Needed: a Priest or Rabbi or Shaman or Friar or Monk or Hippie Witch Doctor, Padre or Son of a Preacher Man to perform an exorcism of a demonically possessed red plastic plate.

The red plastic plate is clearly possessed because it causes two boys to argue in high pitched wails over who gets to eat off of it. This red plate causes 6 year old boys to scream, "I GET THE RED PLATE!" over and over again. It also causes 4 year boys to cry and yell, "YOU GOT THE RED PLATE LAST TIME."

"I WANT IT."

"NO, I WANT IT."

"YOU CAN'T HAVE IT."

"NO YOU CAN'T HAVE IT."

The possessed red plate also causes 40 year old men to holler "IT IS JUST A RED PLATE!"

It also causes mothers to cover their ears and shout, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

I have threatened to throw out the red plate but the children break down into tears every time. They weep and say, "No daddy, please do not throw away the red plate. I NEVER get to have the red plate. Please *sob* don't *sob* throw *gasp* it away."

It must be possessed by evil spirits to cause this reaction.

It is just a red plastic plate. We have a blue, green, yellow, light blue, orange and white plastic plates and none of them cause this reaction from the young ones. Just the red plate.

I will pay top dollar for the exorcism. If you do a good job there are a few other items I will need to have the demons removed from; like the silver scooter (not the blue one), an orange plastic bat (the yellow one does not seem evil), the Nerf-like rocket launcher (the other one broke), the garden hose (when washing a car but it does not seem evil when watering the plants) and any last grape, last strawberry, last marshmallow or last juice box we have in the house at any given time. All these items cause the same reaction.

Only experienced people need apply.

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What is possessed in your home?


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The winner of the 5 packs of Huggie Little Mover's (post from last week) is Pam. The winner of the new diaper bag is Tara Wilburn. Both winner were randomly chosen. Thanks to everyone who commented.

April from April's Reign interviewed me for a blog post on her blog. It is kind of long but it was fun. (that's what she said).

Boys of Summer

Lauren took the boys to get their haircut. She decided on the "summer cut", you know the cut that is extra short to keep the kids cooler in the summer heat. I swear, every time the kids get their hair cut it makes them instantly look a year older.

Which is why I think Lauren did not get Jackson's hair cut. She is either trying to keep him a baby, or maybe his "summer cut" is "surfer dude".

Decoy

I don’t know how it is for girls, but when changing the diaper on a little boy as soon as the diaper comes off they immediately reach for their penis. Read the rest of the post here Poop and Boogies Review

Looking out for Buses

Thirty some odd days ago I started an exercises routine/program. Since starting that program I have also taken up running. Here are some of my observations about diet and exercise.

Running sucks.

Dieting sucks.

Exercising is not so bad.

I have become one of those annoying people who does nothing but talk about dieting and exercising.

I really think that people who diet and exercise and say they "lost" weight are selling themselves short. You lose your keys. You lose your cell phone. Dieting and exercising to drop pounds is hard work.

The worst nights to run in my neighborhood are Monday and Thursday nights. Trash night. Trash cans line the street and on hot humid nights the smell from the cans can cause pockets of gag inducing stench. Establishing an inhale-through-the-nose breathing rhythm is very difficult on trash night.

I am down 14 pounds since I started working out. I need to work off another 14.

Counting calories is very difficult. There is no guidebook that tells you how many calories are in the cut off crusts of your kids peanut butter and fluff sandwiches. Or how many calories are in the last few bites of a bowl of Rice Krispies your kid did not finish.

The people you see everyday do not notice your physical changes. It is nice to invite friends over who you have not seen in over a month so they can compliment you on your looks.

I used to be one of those people who would say "What's the point of eating healthy and exercising, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow." Now, I am on the look out for buses as I run across and down the road.

Music choice is very important when running. I noticed I do better when I listen to a "live" album. I imagine that the people cheering in the song are actually cheering for me. I try to time the end of my run to coincide with Peter Gabriel's Solsbury Hill live version. Having "people" cheering is not important for the entire run but it definitely helps at the end of the run so I suggest having at least one 2 to 3 minutes "live" song on the ipod.

I find myself getting more done in other aspects of my life such as yard work, house work, playing with the kids etc. Dieting and working out has giving me more energy for other things.

Speaking of having more energy for other things, does Barry White have a "live" album? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Again, I would only need a 2 to 3 minute song. (Boom. I just saved you the comment Anonymous.)

Watch

-"Wyatt, I don't want you to spend too much time on the computer." -

-"Wyatt, why don't we spend our time doing something more productive."-

-"Wyatt, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom?"-

-"Wyatt, I have to spend some time with Jackson."-

-"Wyatt, we're out of time. We have to go." -

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Last night Wyatt received a watch in his happy meal. I have never seen him so excited to get a happy meal toy.

"Daddy, Daddy, open it. open it." Wyatt said with excitement.

I unwrapped the Shrek Donkey faced watch from the plastic and I set the time.

"Put it on me dad. Put it on me." Wyatt held out his wrist. "How much time is on here?" he asked.

"It is 6 o'clock. So I set it for 6 o'clock."

"Can I spend it here? I want to go to the play area."

Grass

Last week my sister was over for a barbecue. She handed me a picked plant from my yard.

"Just what are you guys growing here?" she asked.

I asked her where she found it and she said it was all over the back yard.

It gives a whole new meaning to my Scott's "weed and feed" routine

I love him different

Whenever I asked my mom which of her 9 kids she loved best, after she would whisper "Jimmy" under her breath, she would reply, "I love you all the same."

Never satisfied with that answer I would press her and she would say something like, "I love you all the same but different."

Now that I have three sons I understand the "different" part.

My love for my kids grows more and more everyday. Maxfield was the first, I have loved him longer. The feelings I have for him are more complex and deeper than that of my other two boys, since I have shared many fatherly firsts with him. Max, as the first son, has taught me more about myself than any other person could. He tries to make me laugh and he often succeeds. I admire Max's intelligence, inquisitive spirit, goofiness, perfectionism and his depth of real empathy and emotion for a six year old. I love him different.

Jackson, the baby of the family, is the soft and cuddly one. His smile lights up a room. His giggles are infectious. The glimmers of his personality that we can see at his young age are heading in the direction of him being a charmer. He is strong willed and he shows hints of his mother's stubbornness. I love him different.

Wyatt Blue is the middle child. When he was the baby he was my youngest and I looked out for him different than I would look out for Max. I already knew what kind of trouble a toddler could or could not get into so I was not as protective. This allowed my love for him to be more relaxed and free. Once Jackson was born I could immediately relate to what Wyatt was going through and what he will go through as a middle child. Wyatt cracks me up without trying. He is naturally funny and is already showing his chops for attention stealing drama and comedy. He has more patience than Max with most situations but his temper goes from cool to white hot real quick when something bothers him. He is caring and carefree. He marches to the beat of his own drummer. I love him different.

Wyatt turns four today. How he came into the world Part 1 part 2 and part 3 and one of my favorite pictures ever is here.

Happy Birthday Wyatt Blue! I love you different.

Expensive

I gave Wyatt a bowl of mixed berries for him to eat with his breakfast. It is berry season and there is nothing like fresh strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and blackberries to start the day.

I was at the sink washing more fruit when out of the corner of my eye I saw Wyatt hand some of his breakfast to the dog. There was a blackberry on the floor.

"Wyatt, please do not feed Luna your blackberries. They are very expensive and should not be given to dogs. "

"Sorry." Wyatt said.

Max came down the stairs and sat at the table. I placed a bowl of fresh berries in front of him and I returned to the sink.

Wyatt whispered to Max in a very cautious tone, "Don't feed the dog any berries. She might explode."

I'm 40- Please Touch

I am older than I have ever been. I know that everyday I am older than I have ever been. I am thankful for every day that I am older than I have ever been. But older than I have ever been is how I described turning 40 this past weekend.

40 is a "new demographic" age. 40 is the "mid-life-crisis-buy-a-red-convertible" age. 40 is the "holy cow 40 cows on the front lawn" age (you never see 30 cows on a front lawn). I am 40. I knew 40 was coming and I was prepared.

A month ago I received an email from the Please Touch Museum (no it is not the Clinton Library) inviting my family to a blogger day the were have on June 4th. I have never been to the Please Touch museum and I figured what a great way to forget that I was turning 40 than to play in a museum designed for children 7 and younger. How is that for changing my demographic? The museum has 6 or so exhibit halls that encourage kids to play in a variety of ways.

One of the halls has a super market where kids can load up carts with all kinds of toy groceries and play shopper or shop keeper. This was by far my kids favorite hall in the museum. They loaded cart after cart after cart in the little grocery store. I did my best to encourage the "real life" aspect of the pretend play by laying on the floor of the store, crying and wailing, begging Max and Wyatt to buy me something. I also knocked over displays and ran down other aisles so they could not see me and think I was lost. They didn't "get it".

I would shop there again because they had the hottest check-out girl, ever. The other halls like the Roadside Attractions and the Wonderland were also big hits with my kids. The maze of mirrors was my favorite. I look like my brother Kevin in this picture.

Lauren, the kids and I had a great time and for the few hours we were there I forgot I was turning 40. When we wrapped it up and headed home I was so exhausted from chasing the kids that I felt 40.

When Lauren asked me what I wanted for my birthday I told her I wanted the Wii. Instead of a red convertible I thought a new game console that I could play with my kids would make me feel younger.

I was happy she got me the Wii. She got me the Wii with the Wii Fit Bundle. You know, the game where you work-out, exercise, lose weight etc. Was she trying to tell me something? I have lost 10 lbs in the past 3 weeks doing the P90X. Maybe I am not progressing fast enough. I guess it does take a 40 year old more time to get into better shape.

Lauren also had her mom babysit and she took me out to a Brazilian style steak house for my birthday. A Brazilian steakhouse is where men walk around with skewers of various cuts of meat (they had 13 different varieties the night we went) that they slice for you at your table. Instead of 40 cows on my lawn I had all-you-can-eat beef (garlic sirloin tips, ribs, Filet Mignon, flank steak) lamb (chops and leg of), pork (sausage, ribs, tenderloin) and chicken. I felt young sitting across from a beautiful woman, having a cocktail, enjoying the fine food and eating like I was in my twenties.

I woke up at three in the morning with horrible cramps and a lot of gas. Just like a 40 year old.

I am older than I have ever been. I now get the meaning of the term "Old Fart."

Amazing Power

I think having the ability to read is one of the greatest powers a person can posses. I love reading and sometimes I find myself amazed at the fact that little symbols on a piece of paper can create such incredible images or ideas in my brain. I love the fact that if I do not know something or how to do something I can simply find the answers, read them and empower myself to learn new abilities or knowledge.

It truly boggles my mind that there are people in the world who do not know how to read. Having the power to read is something I hope I never take for granted.

Maxfield is in the early stages of developing his power. I really enjoy watching him as he sounds out a word and then recognizes it in his mind.

Here is video of Max sharing his power with Wyatt. I am so glad I got to capture TWO very proud father moments. The first is Max reading. The second, well, just watch.

Point It Down

After Maxfield was born our friend Alyson gave us some parental advice. She already had a little boy and she knew a thing or two.

"Remember," Alyson said "when you change his diaper make sure you point it down."

She was not talking about pointing 'it' away from the direction you were standing but actually making sure that 'it' was actually pointed down in the diaper. By pointing 'it' down, we made sure that there were less leaks. All diapers have the absorbing material in the lower front to the back of them. No diapers make the "belt" area absorbent. If 'it' is pointed up, well, pee leaks right out the top of the diaper. Baby girls do not have this problem.

However, once boys get a little older, a little bit more mobile, keeping 'it' down becomes more difficult (and even more so when they hit their teens). Now that Jackson is walking and crawling and running and falling, keeping 'it' in the down position is somewhat of a crap shoot (pun totally intended since I am talking about diapers). Putting him down for a nap without checking to see if 'it' is down can result in an unscheduled load of laundry.

Our family has always used Huggies as our choice of diapers. Huggies is one of the few products we use where we feel that the name brand is important. We tried changing brands once before and it did not work out for us. Huggies for some reason always fit our boys the right way and kept 'it' down, which prevented leaks.

Last year Jackson was invited by Huggies to test their Little Movers line of diapers. My biggest concern about switching from the regular Huggies to the Little Movers was whether the Movers would have the same snug fit. Would they be able to keep 'it' down. Let me just say since going to New York last September we have not used any other kind of diaper on Jackson except the Little Movers. We have yet to have any kind of leak or accident with the Little Movers brand. I have actually stopped checking to make sure 'it' was down when I take him for his naps. The Little Movers work for our little mover no matter what part is moving.

Huggies recently came out with a new line of Little Movers Jeans diapers. They were nice enough to send me a package for Jackson to model. A few things that struck me about the dark blue denim-looking diapers--

1. I think they are cute.
2. They are exactly the same as the regular Little Movers.
3. The get lost in the dark pocket of a deep diaper bag. They blend with the shadows (like Nightcrawler from the X-Men).
4. Now women who make diaper cakes for baby showers, can actually make a blue diaper cake for boys.

And 5. Jackson is one handsome kid.

There has been some debate, over at the Huggies Face Book page, caused by the new Jean Diapers. People were surprised that some parents would let their kids walk around only wearing a diaper. As you can see from the pictures I have no problem with it. How do you feel about it, would you let you kid walk around only in a diaper? What do you think of the Little Mover Jean Diaper? Does that change your opinion?

Disclosure- I have partnered with Huggies Little Movers and their Ambassador program. I will be receiving compensation, product for my personal use as well as any reimbursement for reasonable expenses relating to the Ambassador program. However, my opinions are entirely my own and I have not been paid to publish positive sentiments towards Huggies products. Woo hoo, I got a sponsor Y'all.