Tuesday, December 01, 2009


A few months ago Lauren asked me if we could re-do the living room and re-do the dining room by Christmas. A few months ago I said, "Sure. No problem."

Since that time I have done very little to get it done. It just so happened that I had some vacation time that I needed to use before the end of the year. I took this week off to finish the two rooms and maybe spend some time with the kids doing holiday stuff.
The dining room required some wallpaper removal. Vinyl wallpaper. With the special two-ply cloth backing invented by the famous designer Ugotta Befuckingkiddingme. Basically I had to remove the wallpaper twice. First I had to take down the vinyl. I then had to spray and scrape a second layer of paper.
When Ugotta first designed her wallpaper she hired a chemist to make sure the glue used on her special wallpaper would work well. She hired Ike Antbelievethisshit who created the world's toughest glue. I had to use a razor scraper to remove the top layer of glue and then I had to use a special scrub brush to take away any residue.
The repetitive motion of the razor scraper and the scrub brush reminded me of the various "training" scenes in the Karate Kid movie. Instead of "wax on" and "paint the fence" I kept uttering to myself "Razor scrape up, scrub the wall down. Razor scrape up, scrub the wall down." Removing the glue took me the better part of a day and now my arms are like Jello.
The razor scraper and shaky hands caused all kinds of divots in the wall which begat me having to Spackle and sand the walls. What I thought was going to be a one, maybe, two day project has already put a big dent into my vacation. I hope to start painting by day three.

The good thing to come out of this home improvement is I now can defend myself against anyone who tries to punch at me three feet above my head. "Razor scrape up. Hai."

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Susie said...

DIF. That's what we're using, to remove that fuzzy adhesive. Just tonight, in fact.

Anonymous said...

So funny you posted this, because I just linked to you today (or rather, yesterday) on our very small begats experience (although the basement isn't my domain anymore so I'm not blogging that part of it).

This is exactly why I coughed up the money and hired "professionals" to re-do our kitchen walls 16 months ago. Same wallpaper designer, same glue inventor, add in many cupboards and corners... and the fact that we needed primer for the dark red paint I chose. (That primer smelled bad enough to make the wallpaper removing look pleasant!)
Still, my husband thought I should have done it myself (he used his vacation this summer to re-work the deck and cover/re-seal the driveway).

SciFi Dad said...

Just wait until you encounter Ugotta and Ike's silent partner, Hoos Brilliantideawasthis.

Anonymous said...

You are funny. I get so tickled when you tackle a job! Don't know why. I just laugh and laugh! It makes me smile and I know it makes Lauren happy! Maybe that's why! Need another week off from work? Olive U. Nomatterwhat

Anonymous said...

Dude, for all the expense of those crummy chemicals for next time get a steamer, they're cheap and work way faster. I had to remove this same junk off my kitchen walls after $100 of chemicals the crap STILL wouldn't come off, bought the steamer and it was ZIP-ZAP-ZOOM done!!


Meegs said...

I ditto "the get a steamer" comment. It makes everything go 3x as fast, and you can get one for pretty inexpensive.

I do hear you though, we had a similar experience in redoing our office. Ugh.

Good luck with the rest of it!

eclectic said...

Dude. You are SO discouraging me right now!

I have to remove the vinyl wallpaper in Carter's room which was obviously placed there by Ugotta. He precipitated the project by "helping" -- tearing off a piece of the vinyl layer by himself. So it looks even worse now. Great.


Good luck finishing. And hey, since you're so experienced and in shape for the project now, why don't you just come out here for the holidays and take the paper off Carter's room for me? Thanks. You're a pal. Bring the whole family!

April said...

I know those guys Ike and Ugotta. They are assholes.

And thank you for making me laugh so hard I ruined my mascara. Awesome Bill. Way to go.

Michelle said...

I re-painted my dining room over the Thanksgiving week. The lovely people that lived here before us not only put up vinyl wallpaper but they put up 2 different kinds (one above & 1 below the chair rail). The kind below the chair rail was vertical stripes where the vinyl layer came off stripe-by-stripe! Luckily THIS paper designer did NOT use your glue inventor so that second layer came off easier. The top paper designer used your glue inventor, after the vinyl came off no problem up there. It was a rough 2 days tearing down paper, but the rest of the week went smoothly & the dining room got finished in just about a week (with a holiday thrown in there & a heater cover not quite finished!).

Anonymous said...

Daniel-san is gay

James (SeattleDad) said...

Ugotta me laughing. Sorry to laugh at your misfortune. I wanted to see how the other half lived.