School Bells

Last week school started for all the kids in our neighborhood and Lauren made sausage, pepper and onion sandwiches for dinner the night before. What does one have to do with the other? It goes like this.

Every morning I wake up at about 5:30. Part of my morning routine is taking the dog for her morning walk. We usually hit the sidewalk by 6:00 am. I enjoy this part of the morning. The sky is still dark and the soft glow of the streetlights reflects off the dew on the yards, which creates a strange orange ambient light. There is something peaceful about the croak of the tree frogs mixed with the distant noise of early traffic. Occasionally I cross paths with jogger, but for the most part I am the only person out in the neighborhood at this time. Last week, the day school started, I got a late start.

The dog and I did not get out for our morning walk until about 6:40. The sun was not up and there were dark clouds in the sky. The streetlights were out, turned off a few minutes ago by their timers. The neighborhood was strangely dark. The area I live in has beautiful tree lined streets. The easement between the sidewalk and the street is about 10 feet wide and every 10 or 15 feet or so is a large mature oak (or some such) tree. The trunks of these trees are 2 to 3 feet wide.

The dog and I headed East, stopping every so often for the dog to pee. We rounded the corner when I felt the pressure in my lower gut. The sausage, pepper and onions were seeking their revenge. I looked in all directions to make sure the coast was clear. There was tree on the corner and a stop sign. No one across, down or up the street. All Clear. I let her rip. The fart started slowly but, Increased in volume and ended with a crescendo. The dog turned up at me with a puzzled look.

I felt much better and we continued to walk when I heard a strange noise. I couldn't place where it was coming from but it was a familiar sound. It sounded like a wheeze. I stopped and listened and the noise became stifled. I stood for a minute to see if I could find the source of the sound. What was it? I turned toward the tree on the corner that separated the sidewalk from the street. The noise was coming from the other side of the tree. Then it hit me. I was horrified.

I tightened my grip on the dog's leash and headed across the street to verify what I was thinking. As I crossed, I glanced back and saw a kid leaning against the tree trying his best not to laugh hysterically. He was waiting for the school bus. I did not know he was there. I hurried down the street, as his snicker became more of a loud giggle. I wanted to die.