Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A long post about nothing really.

I am married again. Lauren bought me a new wedding ring for our anniversary. She gave me the ring last week but it did not fit. I needed to get a bigger size because you know what they say the bigger the finger...the bigger the..., well you know...the bigger the ring size. So last night we packed up the family and headed to the mall to exchange the ring.

At the mall Lauren took Maxfield to the book store while I took Wyatt to the jewelry store to exchange the ring. "Hi. Can I help you?" Said the lady behind the shiny glass case.

"Yes." I said. "I need to exchange this ring for a bigger size. I think this is a size 10 and I need either an 11 or maybe even bigger."

"Do you know your ring size?"

"No. Do you have something I can try on? So I can figure that out."

She handed me a giant "ring ring". I would have said "Key ring" but it was actually a ring with a bunch of rings on it. While I figured out what size I needed the girl behind the counter took my reciept and started to process the exchange.

" That will be $40.00" She said.

"For what?" I asked.

"For re-sizing the ring."

" I don't want it re-sized. I want to exchange it for a bigger ring?"

"We do not have a bigger ring in stock and that would be a special order which could take a couple of weeks."

"I can wait. I will hold onto the receipt and you order the new ring and when it comes in I will exchange it. "

"I can't do that. The only thing I can do is re-size that one."

"Okay, what if I came in and wanted to order this type of ring in size 11, would it be more expensive?"


"But since the ring was already purchased it is more expensive to get it in the right size?"


"What if I wanted to return the ring, could I do that and a full refund?"


"Okay. And If I did that and then ordered this ring in the right size it would NOT cost me the extra $40.00, is that right?"


"I just want to return the ring and get a refund."

"Do you want to order the size 11?"

"No. I just want to return the ring and I will get another ring somewhere else. I am totally confused by the whole extra forty bucks thing. It does not make sense."

She would not let me return the ring because Lauren used her credit card. I went down to the book store and explained everything to Lauren. I stayed with Max and she took Wyatt to return the ring. We agreed that Max and I would wait at the book store unitl Lauren got back and then we would all go to a different jewelry store.

I was sitting in the children's section reading to Max when a woman who worked there approached us and told me how "Precious" Max is. We get this a lot. Almost everytime we are in public women will tell us how cute Max is. That he has beautiful eyes or a cute smile. Max usually flirts right back.

At some point Max decided, as he usually does in a book store, that it was time to poop. The smell was awful. I could'nt change him because Lauren had the diaper bag. With my eyes watering I anxiuosly waited for Lauren to return. When she finally returned I told her I needed to change Max. She looked in the diaper bag and realized we never packed diapers for him for our trip. She figured we were not going to be out that long and it would not matter. I told her I would hurry at the next jewelry store so we could get home and change Max.

As we walked down the mall you could almost see the smell emnating from Max's backside. It was like walking with Pepe Le Pue. The older ladies would stop to admire his eyes and they would get a whiff of him and they would run off. I entered the next jewelry store and apologized about my son stinking up the store. I quickly found the style of ring I wanted and asked to order it in a size 11. The one in the showcase was an 11 and a half. I took it because I felt bad that we stunk up the place. I asked the clerk to bless the ring since it was my new wedding ring. We took the ring and headed home.

I told Lauren that I got the half size bigger.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I wantred it tight enough that it wouldn'e fall off but I wanted it lose enough that I have some room to get fatter fingers without cutting off the circulation."

"You getting fatter should not be a goal of yours. What am I going to do with you?"


Anonymous said...

Contingencies, my friend. Contingencies. You don't have Max pooping his diaper in the bookstore as a goal, but you plan for the contingency by bringing AT LEAST ONE clean diaper. You don't plan on getting fatter fingers, but you allow for things like the extra water you retain after eating a whole bag of Doritos with cheese dip. It's a contingency.

Sharpie said...

At least you had the good sense not to get sucked in by the ladies behind the glass with their boobs at eye level - guys are so distracted they usually say - ok whatever I'll pay triple. Or maybe that's JUST my husband.....

Nilbo said...

I lost my wedding ring a year after I got married. I was at the cottage, and shampooing my hair in the lake out front, and there was shrinkage, and the ring flew off right in front of both my wife and me. I stayed planted right where I was while she called out a crew, I had people diving around my legs, searching the murky water and the sandy bottom to no avail.

Insurance paid $85. I got a watch. It was a Seiko. It stopped keeping time a couple of years later. I have no idea whatever happened to it.

We are still married. I wear no watch, and I wear no ring.

Effie said...

sounds like my hubby when he buys pants--he always gets them a size too big--he doesn't ever try them on in the store, just guesses at the size. He "likes them to fit loose" so he has "room to grow". That is the WRONG way to look at things, boys....

Anonymous said...

Bigger is always better. That is my theory in all aspects of life. It applys to everything. Incidentally my husband has a size 12 1/2 finger! I'm a lucky girl.

Anonymous said...

I love how women always buy clothes in the size that they WANT to be but men always buy them in the size that they PLAN on being. Wonder what that says about us?

Nature Girl said...

Have you ever noticed, Max always seems to poop in the bookstore when YOU are with him and not with Lauren. I'm guessing he was there, what, at least 15 minutes or more with Lauren and nothing, you come, Lauren leaves and Max promptly poops his diaper....Hmmmm. I think the kid is out to get you. And I agree with the blue hairs, Maxfield has beautiful eyes! Stacie

Lois Lane said...

It's a toss up for me, reading about Lauren dissing you and your fat fingers and the lovey dovey stuff. Add Max's book store pooping, and it's all good!
Lois Lane

Lowa said...

I wonder if Max will be like my Daughter. We always get those comments about her. She got so used to it, that pretty soon when people came up to her, she would just smile at them and say, "I know. I am cute. I have beautiful red hair. I have incredible eyes. Thank you!" Then she would grab my hand and say "Let's go!!" We have since taught her she can't do that, but it was pretty funny to see the looks on their faces when she did! Then they would laugh and make a comment about how clear it is that she hears that everywhere.

Let us know when Max starts doing that:)

By the way, that ring thing is retarded. Just like yesterday I tried to buy new crayons. You can get a pack of 24 for twenty cents, but a pack of only 8 (Same brand!) is 88 cents!??!? Where is the logic?? More than four times the money for a third of the amount and less colours to choose from!?!?

eclectic said...

Jewelry stores can be the suck. I think you should have a ring tattooed on your finger -- guaranteed to always fit and never get lost.

Unknown said...

William, as I read this, I thought "Wow. I know just what you mean about the smell -- I could smell it myself while I read your entry. And then Buddy walked by and I realized WHY I could smell it..."

Lowa said...

Circus kelli-

That is HILARIOUS! I am so thrilled to be past those days. I feel for you poor people!

All my kids were in undies 24/7 by the time they were 2 and a half. My daughter took longer than her brothers, which surprised me. I heard girls were easier.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only person who sees through this? You were actually hitting on the girl at the wedding ring store? That is so bad.

Brian said...

Your post reminded me of a joke my dad always tells: "I have big hands. You know what that means?"

*Appropriate pause*

"Big gloves!"

Judypatooote said...

That really is not a story about nothing....it is first of all quite funny, and just proves that store policies suck.......and it's quite precious that Laura got you a different wedding ring....my hubby lost his about 6 months after we were married....his ring got pulled off by his trucks window and fell in the street and he couldn't find it.....hummmm should I have believed that story? Had no money so he never had a wedding ring after that.....

Peanutt said...

HAHAHAHA....Love your goals!

Anonymous said...

Well, my man's a 13, and we just replaced his ring (with no contingencies). He doesn't wear his often because he works on heavy equipment and it could snag in the machines. January marks our 20th, so whatever...by the way, he's standing over my shoulder and swears he saw the word "boobs". Thanks, Sharpie.