Sunday, June 18, 2006

Wyatt's Arrival (The conclusion)

Somewhere between 8:30 and 8:45 pm Lauren’s contractions became more intense. I was watching the contraction monitor and could see the peaks of the contractions were hitting a new high as well as the down time was becoming less and less. Even with the epidural Lauren could feel the pressure. The delivery nurse was in the room with us since 7:00. I asked her if she had any other patients and she said it was slow and that there were about 10 staff members at the nurses station with nothing to do. She ended up leaving the room at about 8:45. Lauren was doing really well when the door opened and another nurse popped her head in.

“Everything okay?” She asked.

“We’re doing good.” I responded.

“Okay, Barb, your nurse went on a break. I just wanted to pop in and check on you. If you need anything let us know.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

It was 9:10 pm when Lauren, with beads of sweat forming on her forehead, looked at me and said, “Can you go tell the nurse that I am ready to push now?”

I left the room and went to the nurses station. There were about 20 people at the station chatting away. Barb the delivery nurse was typing away on a laptop.

“Uh. Barb. Lauren says she is ready to push now.”

Barb looked up and me and laughed and shook her head from side to side as almost to say “These silly pregnant woman do NOT know when it is time to push. Fine I will get up from my break to comfort her. Hah ha hah.” She did not say that but her look and laugh and the slight rolling of her eyes said it for her. She followed me into the room and checked Lauren. She was surprised to realize that Lauren was ready to push.

“Okay, Mom (referring to Lauren), I am going to need you to wait for the doctor. He should be here in a few minutes. Don’t push. Just breathe through the contractions.”

We waited for 10 minutes which I am sure seemed like forever to Lauren. Dr. Bart finally came in and did a quick a check. Yes. Lauren was ready to deliver. He turned to Barb and said , “Call me when she is ready.” and he left the room.

Barb told Lauren to push. Which she did. She then said to me. “Dad, you stand there and help her and when I tell you hit that red button on the intercom.” She told Lauren to push again. Which She did. And again.

Barb said, “Okay dad. Hit the red button.”

A voice came over the intercom. “Can I help you?”

Barb barked, “ I need Dr. Bart, a delivery nurse and the pediatric nurse right away.”

I couldn’t resist the urge and I said, “And an order of Fries.”

The intercom voice said, “What?”

I fumbled to turn the thing off.

The door opened and two nurses came into the room followed by Dr. Bart. Lauren lay on the bed, legs in stirrups ready to deliver a baby. Dr. Bart got into position. We were waiting for a contraction so Lauren could push. One of the nurses at the foot of the bed said, “She does look like Paula.”

Barb responded, “See I told you.”

The pediatric nurse moved from the side of the bed to the bottom to get a better look. “I think she looks like Paula.”

Lauren had another contraction and pushed. As she took a breath she looked and the nurses and smiled and said. “Which part of me looks like this Paula.”

The nurses laughed. Lauren said, “I don’t know how I feel about that.”

Which then I said, “She is laying here spread eagle and you say she looks like Paula. I got to meet this Paula.”

The room got quite as Lauren had to push again. And again. The baby’s head was out. She pushed again and the baby was born. Lauren only pushed for 7 minutes. At 9:31PM on June 11th 2006 Wyatt Blue weighed 8 pounds even and was 21 and ½ inches long.

A few hours later we were being wheeled up to the nursery and we passed the nurses station. One of the nurses said, “Is that the Paula room?”

We stopped, and I asked if Paula was working. They called her on the intercom and she came out to meet us. I relayed the story of how her co-workers see her. Spread Eagle.


Anonymous said...

Thank goodness that the doctor was nearby! That was a great birth story!
Happy Father's Day and Happy 1st week Wyatt!

Anonymous said...

once again your humor knows no bounds, congratulations, on your humor and the new baby.

Did you ever get your fries?

Unknown said...

Oh man, I love the fries comment. I totally would've thought of the same thing...if I weren't in labor. Lucky Lauren, sounds like everything went pretty smooth and quick. Hope I am so lucky.

Michelle said...

Wow - Lauren must be one terrific pusher! And I'm dying to know, did Paula look like her?

Congrats again!

Effie said...

Nobody brought you any fries? Hmmm?

Happy Father's Day!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Fathers Day!

And how did Paula take the story?

ROFLMAO! My Word Verification? "pnPUSH"

eclectic said...

Yeah, she looks a little like Paula... but Lauren's waaaaaaaaay prettier. And I know that without ever seeing either one of them! I'm right, aren't I?! ;)

Kami said...

7 minutes!?!?!?!? OMG! WTG!!!!

Love the Paula story. You two crack my ass right up.

Now, more baby pics.

Anonymous said...

Nice to have the story of Wyatt's birth in black and white. Was that "Red Button" the "easy" button? Sounds like Lauren is mighty brave to me. Good job, Lauren. Again, let's hear it for the women! All the guys do is push buttons!(in more ways than one) Thanks for being there, William.(and you didn't faint) Welcome Wyatt! Happy Father's Day, William! Keep me laughin'!

Nature Girl said...

Great story! So, obviously you didn't get the fries, but did Paula look like Lauren? Did Dr. Bart look like Dr. McDreamy? Inquiring minds wanna know! Stacie

Unknown said...

YAY for Wyatt's arrival! YAY for Lauren for keeping her sense of humor! YAY that most everyone ignored your sense of humor, William. :)

Anonymous said...

Lauren keeping her wonderful demeanor in the midst of contractions and pushing! From the description of the nurses congregating and not really helping too much (couldn't one of them have pushed the damn button??) it sounds like this hospital was a bit over its jackass limit.

kj said...

L O V E that name!!!


Anonymous said...

hey Bill...
dont forget to update the *Contents* graphic to include Baby Wyatt :)

btw, i LOVE your blog here, you and lauren crackme up... the musings about Max's socks and if the seam was curling his toes etc were bothering him and would he remember... i about fell out of my chair from laughter.

and that is because YES he WILL remember!!! i still recall my mom putting my socks on toooo tight and my toes curling and to this day [i will be 35 next month] i have shoes and socks issues. ;) sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but maybe you can intervene NOW while he is still young.

OH and Maxfield is the name i am going to name MY baby [if i ever get around to having a baby LOL] but its not after Maxfield Parrish, its a Family name :} weird huh.

keep writing and keep enjoying your kids!!!

Alli's Mom said...

Hope you had a great Father's Day with your 2 boys! 7 minutes? WTG Lauren!

Anonymous said...

you've got to love a post that ends with the words "spread eagle." Happy Father's Day, Mr. Poop.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Hey Paula....
I want to marry you!

Anonymous said...

Oh and we need more baby pictures. And more big brother baby pictures. C'mon you have the biggest cute quotient going over there and you aren't sharing!

Unknown said...

It's women like Lauren that I the nicest way possible of course.

Kid #1 took three hours of pushing and Kid #2 took one (before I begged for help).

Did ya get the fries?

Cat said...

"And an order of fries!"
Best retarded father-to-be line EVER.

Seriously, you and TGIM need to get together. Could you guys be any more alike? If you tell me you then proceeded to warn the nurses that Lauren ate Mexican food the night before so they'd better watch out, if they knew what you meant, wink wink, well, I'll just have to freak the hell out from the utter doppelgangerishness of it all. Yes, I said it, doppelgangerishness! Freaky, that's what it is...

I'm a little disappointed about Paula though. She was just a nurse? I thought maybe they were talking about Paula Abdul. Because there'd be a pretty good story in there somewhere, you know what I'm saying?

Lois Lane said...

Man, I've been gone too long! congratulations to you guys! Looks like some cloning has been going on over there. ;)
Lois Lane

Milliner's Dream, a woman of many "hats"... said...

You know that as a doula I am particularly drawn to the parts of your story that (though you relay them as funny) MAKE ME CRAZY! (Like not trusting women know when they need to push--or saying they "look like Paula" while spread eagle to give birth! PAY ATTENTION TO THE MOTHER!)


P.S. Congrats again! :)