Monday, August 07, 2006

Those Guys

Do you remember the days, before kids and responsibilities, when Saturday morning was reserved for sleeping in? When Saturday mornings were met with a slight fog of a hangover, a bottle of Gatorade, and Saved By The Bell re-runs. When a hangover was not a reminder of how old you are, but more of a reminder of the great time you had the night before. Do you remember when a the first cup of coffee you would sip on a Saturday morning was at 11:00 am, and you did not make the coffee at your house, you ran out to get it at Mc Donald’s, along with a Sausage McMuffin, before the serving breakfast cut-off time?

Maybe you remember, back in those times, when one of your idiot neighbors would start mowing his yard at 8:30 am. You know the neighbor was one of THOSE GUYS. You would wake to the sound of an engine running, two doors down, and you would say to yourself, “I can’t believe someone is cutting their grass before 9 o’clock.” Or maybe it was a Saturday morning in the fall and you would hear one of THOSE GUYS start his leaf blower, which sounded like a jet engine, at 8 in the morning.

In the winter you knew that one of THOSE GUYS was going to be the first to start his 500-gazillion horsepower snow blower before 8 o’clock because he wanted to get a jumpstart on the 4 inches of powder covering the walks. You would pull the pillow over your head and suffer through the sweet whiskey smell of your own breath trying to drown out the horrible noise. You would think, “What in the Hell does THAT GUY think he is doing? Does he not have consideration for us people who like to sleep in? Asshole.”

Some Saturdays you would stumble out of your room to get a bit of the hair of the dog and you knew you were going to tell one of THOSE GUYS off. Motors and engines should not be allowed to be running before 10 o’clock. There should be a law for crying out loud. And as you are putting on your shoes to go and confront one of THOSE GUYS, you get distracted by couch and decided to lie down for a few minutes, thinking, “I can’t believe someone is cutting their grass before 9 o’clock. Assholes.”

This past weekend, I became on of THOSE GUYS.

Sorry to anyone who may be younger and have less responsibility.

24 comments:

Teri said...

Oh William, tsk tsk. : )

I still don't understand why anyone would run something that early. I agree with getting a "jump" on the day but there have been many a time where I couldn't run the lawnmower knowing that it was too early. Sometimes I even have trouble running it at 11:00 a.m. because it's so quiet in the neighborhood.

Don't worry, we usually become the people we HATE eventually. Congratulations.

lawnwhisperer said...

THOSE GUYS care about their property and the look. THOSE GUYS know that a man is measured by how nice his lawn looks. THOSE GUYS take pride in the fact that they have a better looking set-up than the rest of the neighborhood. THOSE GUYS cut the grass early because there is always the chance that they can do it again later that day. I Love THOSE GUYS. They are Lawnwhisperers.

Anonymous said...

William,

You have a gift of story telling. However, I have to ask if Lauren likes the "sweet whiskey smell of your breath?"

Sharpie said...

*sniff* I am mourning those mornings right now. I haven't seen one in almost 10 years.

TBG said...

I used to be able to sleep all day! Ah now I just feel guilty if I sleep in too late and waste my day!

No_Newz said...

Say it isn't so! Here I thought you spent the weekend with your brother the WeedWhacker.
Put the mower away Bill and pick up a baby, or dust something. There's plenty of quiet chores to do. Heck, you might even allow the Mrs. some much deserved sleep in time. :P
Lois Lane

Lauren said...

I like Lois Lane.... a lot :)

Jewl said...

One of those guys is what you automatically become once you are a parent.

Tim said...

ttGreat story. I try not be one of THOSE GUYS, but sometimes I have to. I like the part about the leaf blower. One of the great things about the city I live in, is they are against the law. You can't use one here. Seriously! It is a violation of the municipal code. It's great!

Andrea said...

Congratulations, William. You are now offically a grown-up.

CroutonBoy said...

8 AM? Really? For shame.

Or maybe I'm just jealous that after all these years I'm still too lazy to get any housework done before dark.

Mich said...

Yeah, those guys. Those guys lived next door to my forever, and now, I'm married to one. I had to restrain SS Dad this weekend, he was ready to mow before 8am. I'm considering restraints for next weekend. BTW, I agree with Lois Lane - help Lauren with those quiet indoor baby chores. Or, take Max to the supermarket while Wyatt Blue is napping and Lauren can take a nap!

kimmyk said...

I sometimes miss the days of sleeping in and hangovers. I recently tried to relive my youth-it wasn't pretty. Life passes you by when you indulge like that. Or so I think.

I love the lawnwhisperer's comment.

susie said...

Yeah and I've been at the grocery store, post office, returned something at Kohl's and gotten some Starbucks. All before 10am. One of THOSE WOMEN. I think it comes with the baby. You learn how to function on less sleep and you can never go back. That and the boy yelling "BREFFAST!!" at the top of his lungs at 7am.

sari said...

Where I live it's too hard to have a lawn, it's too hot. It sucks. But everyone in my neighborhood gets up at what seems like 5am, so we don't have to worry about THOSE GUYS around here. We're all awake.

Lynn said...

Traitor. I'll bet your lawn is gorgeous, though!

momo9 said...

It warms my heart to hear your grown-up story! Glad those selfish
"me, myself, and I" days are gone. You are now a responsible adult. Keeping your property nice for your wife and children is commendable! I'm going out to celebrate with a rootbeer float. William is a MAN!

JP said...

Your description of the old Saturday morning mirrors my idea of a perfect Saturday morning...Skreech and Sausage McMuffin!!!!! Everyone knows the grease counters the hangover effect!

Stacie said...

oh man...I'm pretty sure I'm older than you and have all the responsibility and then some, I don't drink to the point of hangover, but I STILL hate THOSE GUYS! on the rare occasion I AM one of THOSE GUYS, I feel really bad about it for days...

LizzieDaisy said...

My husband is one of THOSE GUYS and always has been. He doesn't know how to relax and it drives me nuts. Probably a lot of people. It's why don't live in an addition... :)

stepblog said...

I still have issues with THOSE GUYS, and even bigger issues with leaf blowers. Even though I am awake and not hung over on Saturday and Sunday mornings at 9, I still don't like listening to that horrible drone in the morning. Why can't they do their lawn whispering later in the afternoon? My lawn is adjacent to one of those guys, but he's even worse. He does his lawn stuff at 10 p.m. Why? WHy? WHY?

Mainline Mom said...

Dude, I STILL race to McD's on Saturday mornings for my coffee and breakfast sandwich just before the breakfast serving cutoff time. I just have to bring the kid with.

Football Widow said...

Oh yes. I remember. Funny how those little living, breathing alarm clocks changes things.

Jake Silver said...

First of all... "Saved by the Bell" reruns? I hope this is meant to be humorous. And also, I think maybe I was born one of THOSE GUYS. 8:30 is perfect for lawn mowing!