Thursday, August 04, 2005

Wife Peeves

Oh I sure as hell have pet peeves. Like having to walk the dog three times a day. Or the fact that the male orange cat knocks everything off the counter. Or that Winniefred the female cat whines all the time. But I need to post about the Wife Peeves.

I love Lauren I really do. She is the best thing to ever happened to me. Best thing that ever happened to anything, really, but since this is about wife peeves I do not want to give her too much credit.

Anyway, the first wife peeve I have is an old one but still exists. This is it. "Can I have a Sip?" This is,by far, thee top of my list wife peeve. It goes like this.
"Lauren I am going to get something to drink. Do you want anything?"
"No. I'm okay."
I return a few minutes later with a beverage. What does she say?

"Can I have a sip?"
Now I wrote a one act play about this very phrase. It was produced by Action Arts Theater Company in Pennsylvania. Not that it was that good or anything but people could relate.

Number 2 wife peeve.
We have a rule in our house. It is , the person who cooks, does not have to do the dishes.
I like to cook except for the fact that I am somewhat anal when it comes to cooking and dishes. If I use a pan or pot or utensil, I wash it a soon as I am done (saving Lauren from actually washing such a utensil). My wife however, thinks it is okay to stick that type of stuff into the dishwasher. I hate, hate, hate that. Cooking utensils (pots and pans and wisks and spatulas) are supposed to be hand washed after you use them. The reason for this is so that when you cook the next day, you do not have to take the stuff out of the half full dishwasher, that has not been run yet, and hand wash it, to use it to cook with at that time.
Anyway, I went away for a few days for work, when i got back I was trying to cook dinner and I said something like, "Lauren where is the collander? Wait let me guess you used it today and did not wash it."
She said, "No I am using it for somthing else. But by the way I put a spatlua in the dishwasher."

She knew this would hurt me. She knew this would cut to the core.

The 3rd Wife peeve that I have is this. Max and I go food shopping and leave Lauren at home so she can make some stuff. (Like a baby gift, a wedding gift and some stuff for Kristine at Random and Odd). When we get home she says " Did you get some FA shIZZLE?"
I replied, "If the Fa shizzle is referring to Bryers Ice cream , Yes I got Two."

"No, I was talking about club soda."

"Oh Sorry, I was not sure what FA shIZZLE you were referring to BiOTCH."

"What? I am not going to repsond to you calling me that name." , she said.

"Uhh, ehhh well yea but that is because you just said Fa shizzins,. I am just trying talk the language."

"What the Language of your peeps?"

The last wife Peeve I have is that I am writing this, and telling her I am badmouthing her on my blog she say, "Fine, I have just as many people that like ME on your blog, that like YOU."

D'oh!.

18 comments:

kalki said...

The Sip thing? I totally do that. Hmmm, and the dishwasher thing? Yeah, I do that too.

But I can say I am free from the FA shIZZLE. But that story cracked me the FA shIZZLE up.

Rowena and Eugene said...

We do agree with much of your post, both the male and female of this twosome, and we also like the look of your blog. Nice idea. We will be pack to check out your posts.

Lauren said...

Alright, I may have to get up on my pulpit for a bit in an effort to preserve my tarnished name:

1.) First of all, Bill does not walk the dog 3 times a day, EVERY day... I walk her at least once every harvest moon.

2.) As far as our 2nd cat Winnifred whining, I find that a very interesting comment coming from the man who went on and on for about 36 hours over a few ant bites which didn't seem to affect our one-year-old in the least... more on that later.

3.) As for the #1, all time worst pet peeve, let the record show that prior to posting, we both agreed that that peeve no longer exists... I learned my lesson after he wrote a freakin' play about it. Bill argued he was "exercising his creative license". Already his credibility is diminishing.

d.) I have a few issues with peeve #2... first of all... Bill? Anal? Enough said.

Second, there is no hard and fast rule about the person who cooks getting off free from dishes... it's more like an "unspoken half-assed wink-wink, nudge-nudge". I noticed he left out the bit about how pot lids don't count as dirty dishes...

Third, while I disagree with the whole cooking utensil "rule", we've never officially established what constitutes a "cooking" utensil, anyway.... a collander?!? I'd at least like to know which rules I am breaking when I defiantly stick things like spatulas in the dishwasher... which, by the way, "cuts to the core"... but it's the cat that's the whiner.

V.) "Fa-shizzle" is so last month, I am way too hip to be using such pathetically outdated slang, dawgs. Now talk to the hand...

As for the last peeve, what can I say, there's at least "some" truth to every one of Bill's stories :).

Candace said...

Oh, you two are so cute, posting and arguing.

I love the internets.

mrtl said...

What on earth is wrong with any of these things?

You're a man. You just don't get it.

Susie said...

You're right. This blog's wife has fans. Woohoo! Put those pots in the dizzlewizzle fo' shizzle!

barry said...

I think the score is tied.

Bill - 1 point for the Biotch retort. (had me crying)

Lauren - 1 point for the "coming from the man who went on and on for about 36 hours over a few ant bites which didn't seem to affect our one-year-old in the least" comment. (again...tears)

You guys are a force.

Dancewriter said...

I am on both sides of these for many of the items, but the one regarding cooking utensils in the dishwasher, I have to agree with Lauren, especially when cooking meat! But the whole pot lid thing, I don't know where I stand on that one. I'm pretty bad about washing those.

Were those bites from fire ants?

Effie said...

Y'know, with the sip thing, it's because she's not thirsty enough for a full drink and doesn't want you to worry or even dirty another cup on her behalf--she's saving you the trouble! She only wants a sip is all--you can't pour a sip of juice or pop into a glass--it just doesn't work! (my hubby has the same peeve with me)

But calling your wife a bee-otch is just WRONG--she's right, you'd better watch your back--Lauren's got a posse here in your comments! ;)
(now if I could only get my hubby to stop calling me that, just in fun as you did but boy is it annoying....)

Oh--BTW--love the Campbell soup label look!

Circus Kelli said...

See... I can't speak "shiz", hell, I'm lucky if I can understand pig latin. :)

Oh, and Lauren, you rock, girlfriend. William, you're ok, too.

Katie-be-bored-at-work said...

Eek, I am totally guilty on all counts. I am definitely a "sipper" except usually it ends up being more of a "gulp" and my boyfriend just sort of sighs and has resigned himself to the fact that to love me, you gotta love my gulping. And when it comes to dishwashing, yes I do put pans in the dishwasher, but I am allowed because I am the ONLY one that does the dishes. Ever.

Meegs said...

Travis and I luckily don't have to worry about the diswasher problem, as we do not have a dishwasher.

Although I have the answer to your "sipping" peeve. Often times when I am going to get myself something to drink, when asked what he would like to drink, Travis answers with "I will just share whatever you are having." To which I definitely feel like answering, "no, you will not." However, I am much too nice for that, so the damn boy ends up drinking half of my drink.

So it is not just a wife thing!

Jim said...

1. Ya can't gripe about walking the dog - it gets you out of the house, sure with a plastic bag to pick up warm dog poop, but out is out

2. Buy a bigger glass and add liquid for her super sips, or get a glass that she just can't stand and use that.

3. Buy extra spatulas, colanders, etc, (but not potsthat would be really anal) it's the only way. My wife beleives everything should sit in the sink with water before being loaded in the dishwasher.

4.Never call you wife a name ya wouldn't call your Mom, (except in bed)

No_Newz said...

If that's all the dirt you have on the little lady, you have sooooo lucked out. I hope today she doesn't fan the spoons out and leaves dirty spatulas and wooden spoons in the dishwasher!
I think she needs to guest blog her peeves about you. :P
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane

maggie said...

i am on both sides about the peeve thing

i do the sip thing all the timei agree with effie luaren doesnt want a whole drink just wants a little

i have to agree with william on the dishwasher thing cause my whole family does it and it ticks me off to no end cause then the next morning when i want to use the frying pan to make breakfast i have to take it out of a half full dishwasher and hand wash it

i live with two lazy pigs(brother,dad) and a norodic mother

SoozieQ said...

Oh well,I can one up you! The Hubs won't order desserts but always wants "One bite of yours". Um back off dude! If you didn't want any, then you DIDN'T want any, get it? A sip, that's one thing...I'll grant you your measly sip, but don't think you're getting a bite of my Chocolate Heaven Glob-o-goo!

Susie said...

Ahhh... so what's Lauren's blog address? ;-)

I'm guilty of asking for a sip. But my hubby always wants "a bite." I'll be in the kitchen getting some ice cream. "Do you want some, Dan?" "No." I sit down, ten seconds later I feel the eyes on me. Then he leans over. "Can I have a bite." AIGH! Every time!

Max's Favorite Uncle said...

I can see both points on the entire thing, but I do have to side with Bill on this one. I can't stand putting pots, pans, spatula's, and tupperware bowls in the dishwasher. In my house, My wife cooks dinner 98% of the time, and I do the dishes 96% of the time. My wife, uses every pot,pan, bowl and all just to make Tacos. I can't stand it.