Oh I sure as hell have pet peeves. Like having to walk the dog three times a day. Or the fact that the male orange cat knocks everything off the counter. Or that Winniefred the female cat whines all the time. But I need to post about the Wife Peeves.
I love Lauren I really do. She is the best thing to ever happened to me. Best thing that ever happened to anything, really, but since this is about wife peeves I do not want to give her too much credit.
Anyway, the first wife peeve I have is an old one but still exists. This is it. "Can I have a Sip?" This is,by far, thee top of my list wife peeve. It goes like this.
"Lauren I am going to get something to drink. Do you want anything?"
"No. I'm okay."
I return a few minutes later with a beverage. What does she say?
"Can I have a sip?"
Now I wrote a one act play about this very phrase. It was produced by Action Arts Theater Company in Pennsylvania. Not that it was that good or anything but people could relate.
Number 2 wife peeve.
We have a rule in our house. It is , the person who cooks, does not have to do the dishes.
I like to cook except for the fact that I am somewhat anal when it comes to cooking and dishes. If I use a pan or pot or utensil, I wash it a soon as I am done (saving Lauren from actually washing such a utensil). My wife however, thinks it is okay to stick that type of stuff into the dishwasher. I hate, hate, hate that. Cooking utensils (pots and pans and wisks and spatulas) are supposed to be hand washed after you use them. The reason for this is so that when you cook the next day, you do not have to take the stuff out of the half full dishwasher, that has not been run yet, and hand wash it, to use it to cook with at that time.
Anyway, I went away for a few days for work, when i got back I was trying to cook dinner and I said something like, "Lauren where is the collander? Wait let me guess you used it today and did not wash it."
She said, "No I am using it for somthing else. But by the way I put a spatlua in the dishwasher."
She knew this would hurt me. She knew this would cut to the core.
The 3rd Wife peeve that I have is this. Max and I go food shopping and leave Lauren at home so she can make some stuff. (Like a baby gift, a wedding gift and some stuff for Kristine at Random and Odd). When we get home she says " Did you get some FA shIZZLE?"
I replied, "If the Fa shizzle is referring to Bryers Ice cream , Yes I got Two."
"No, I was talking about club soda."
"Oh Sorry, I was not sure what FA shIZZLE you were referring to BiOTCH."
"What? I am not going to repsond to you calling me that name." , she said.
"Uhh, ehhh well yea but that is because you just said Fa shizzins,. I am just trying talk the language."
"What the Language of your peeps?"
The last wife Peeve I have is that I am writing this, and telling her I am badmouthing her on my blog she say, "Fine, I have just as many people that like ME on your blog, that like YOU."