Tuesday, January 10, 2012

How to have a secret girlfriend

1.-Always make sure that a secret girlfriend is older. She will like the attention of a younger guy. Cougar is a word they use for this.

2.-Make sure she is married so she cannot keep bothering you at odd times. This is kind of an inverted "hard to get" scenario.

3.-Be nice to her husband so he does not think anything fishy is going on. If both she and her husband are together at an event, ignore her and give the husband extra high fives and stuff. This also works in your favor regarding the "hard to get scenario".

4.-Make sure that your girlfriend's women-friends see you pay attention to your girlfriend. Make sure your girlfriend sees you pay attention to your girlfriend's women-friends. If your girlfriend is a cougar, other cougars can smell a cub a mile away and that makes you more in demand.

5.-Have an infectious laugh, women dig that.

6.-When you do have alone time with the girlfriend give her a few extra kisses to leave her wanting more.

7.-It is okay to cry, every now and then, in front of your girlfriend. She will think you are sensitive and that you need her for emotional support.

8.-When in public with your secret girlfriend act like you don't care for her. This will make her jealous and she will want to win you over even more. This works even better if your girlfriend is an older women. They seek the attention of younger guys.

9.-Smile a lot at your secret girlfriend.

10.- Wait until your girlfriend leaves the room before you tell anyone you like her. It will keep her guessing.

11. Feign an illness every now and then. Your girlfriend (older or otherwise) will take this as an opportunity to care for you which will deepen their commitment to you.*

12.-Don't poop in your diaper when your girlfriend is around. This could be considered a turn off.

Jackson has a a girlfriend. He actually has many girlfriends but the one who owns most of his admiration and love is a Lisa V.   Lisa V lives three houses up and in my opinion cannot get enough of Jackson.  In my opinion, which Jack won't admit, he totally digs the attention she gives him.

Jackson turned three a few days ago and Lisa V. and her family brought him a present. Jackson really likes Lisa V. although he will never admit it in front of her. Jackson is also very popular with all of the other women in our neighborhood, who for the most part, have decided having a three-year-old boy around, that is not theirs, is a fun thing. I can possibly see Jax being the cause of many "Oops Babies" in our neighborhood.

The gift that Lisa V.  brought him was a B. Toys (Just B You) Fish and Splish bath toy. I have written here before on how much I like B. Toys products and now I even like them more.

 I rarely give out parenting advice on Poop and Boogies but I will say when it comes to bath toys B. Toys gets it right. Most bath toys ( by other toy companies) come with some kind of squeezable water shooter, like a rubber whale or turtle or what-have-you. The rubber aquatic animal is squeezed underwater until it is filled with water and then squeezed above the water to shoot a stream of water at the wall or most likely the parent who is actually supervising the bath. Besides the parent getting wet, most of these type of water shooter bath toys also, after time, get mold in them. The next time a child is trying to squirt dad in the face with soapy water, dad also gets a mouth full of grey-ish black mold that was in the bottom of the whales belly for three weeks. It is gross. As a parent I would stay away from these types of bath toys.

The B. Toys gift that Lisa V. got for Jax did not have any squeeze toys. The toy itself, a boat with various scrubbers, floaters and fish like things,  promoted cleaning and just good basic fun in the tub. It was the perfect gift for a three year old.

Lisa V. knew what she was doing when she got Jackson this gift. He loves it. He is excited to take a bath, clean and groom himself, which is in Lisa V.'s favor. She does not want a boyfriend who poops and pees himself and cannot clean himself up.

*Lisa V. is our neighbor that is a nurse who stopped by to check on Jackson after he drank a bottle of Benadryl. Now that I think about it, he totally faked the whole incident just to get Lisa to come to our house.


Jack said...

What? You don't like a mouthful of moldy water. ;)

Melissa said...

Jackson has learned from the best...his dad, his uncles, and those two adorable brothers...he has got "charming" down to a science!

Lucky Lisa V. (but from one cougar to another, leave my sweet, sweet Wyatt alone! HA)

Melinda said...

I used to be a cougar girlfriend to my friend's little boy, Eddie. Our affair started when he was 2 1/2 and lasted until he was 9. He used to tell all the lads on the cricket team that his girlfriend made really good cakes. Now he is 18 and doesn't want to know me! Young love can be so fickle.
I think I could fall for Jax, too!

jcbrown208 said...

That handsome lad! I can completely understand Lisa V.'s attraction to Jackson. He is a dreamboat and has the toys to prove it!

for a different kind of girl said...

Jackson clearly has game.