Saturday, December 27, 2008

Mostly Dissastified

I answered the phone on the second ring. I knew from the caller ID that it was a telemarketer of some kind.

"Hello. May I please speak with William?" The voice on the phone asked.

"This is William."

"I am calling on behalf of TD Bank and I wanted to ask you a few questions regarding your recent transaction."

"Is this some kind of survey?" I asked.


"We only use TD Bank for our car payment. Every now and then I will drop off a check at the local branch." I explained hoping to avoid the survey.

Lauren was out and Max and Wyatt were running around like wild Indians (I am sure that wild Indians is not a political correct phrase but that was what they were doing, flapping their hands over their mouths while screaming). You are probably thinking that I should have just declined to do the survey. Well I know that the person calling me is just trying to do his job. I work in sales and I am constantly using the phone and I know how difficult it is to get people to listen. Most times I will listen to a telemarketer or a survey-taker. Again they have a job to do.

I used to hate getting junk mail; fliers, credit card offers, free trip offers and all of the other junk mail. I used to think junk mail was such a waste. Then one time during an email exchange I found out that one of my very dear blogger friend's husband worked in the junk mail business. I am sure they do not call it junk mail business but something like Direct Marketing. Now I look at every piece of junk mail. Why? Because it is some one's job. Not just one person but many. Somebody had to design the mail. Someone had to make the presentation and sale to their end customer to approve the final product. And, yes, a postal worker had to deliver the mail. People just trying to make living. Now, I appreciate the junk mail.

I know there are arguments out there about the environment and saving trees but I know that I have received fliers about saving the environment in junk mail form. I also know that the person who is trying to stop junk mail to save the environment, is just doing their job, and the fact that junk mail exists gives them a job. Think about it.

::end tangent::

"It will only take a few minutes of your time." The man said.

"Okay. Make it quick."

He then asked me questions about the service I received and if the tellers were friendly and if the transaction was done in a quick and timely manner. I was to answer his questions with "very satisfied", "mostly satisfied", "dissatisfied" and "Very dissatisfied" (that's what she said). I answered "mostly" to all. Every time I answered a questions I could hear him click the keys on his computer documenting my answers. The entire survey took about 8 minutes. He then asked me if there was anything I would like to add.

"Yes." I said. "The actual transaction, at the bank branch, that we were just discussing, took a total time of 3 minutes to complete. Your survey took 8 minutes. If you add these 8 minutes to the 3 minutes at the bank for one transaction, that is a total of 11 minutes, which, as far as I am concerned, is too long for one simple transaction."

There was silence on the other end of the line. I did not hear him clicking his computer.

"Excuse me?"I said.

"Yes. Sorry sir." He said. "I have been doing these surveys for a while now and that is the first time anyone has pointed that out to me. Thank you for your time."

He hung up. I felt all smug in my "11 minute bank transaction" answer. I was the first person to ever point that out. I felt pretty smart. That was the first time any one ever pointed that out...then it hit me. He was being sarcastic. And it was too late to change my answers about being satisfied.

*The Tangent style of writing is credited to MRTL and was used in accordance to all copy right and by-laws and credit, although strict written consent was not obtained prior to the posting.


Ern said...

This post left me "very satisfied". Ha. That's what she said.

mrtl said...

Considering the kind of abuse people in this job field take, you were a stellar patsy.

For the record, Bill never asked for permission to use the tangent style that I stole from some other blogger (which one I have forgotten - how horrible is that?). It's free for the taking. :)

Anonymous said...

1st comment. Nice, Ern. I was wondering how long it would take someone to play "That's what she said."

C. said...

As someone who designs "junk mail" both electronic and hard copy, i appreciate you taking the time to look at it. the statistics are .5-1.5% of those who receive the junk mail turn into actual customers/clients so it works. If it didnt we wouldnt do it as it is costly to design, produce and mail.

James (SeattleDad) said...

I always love getting one over on telemarketers...for a few moments until I realize what a waste of time it has been to have that small moment of smugness. Doesn't usually stop me the next time though.

Bogart said...

"Its business...Its business time..."

Anonymous said...

You are a good person. WAY better than me.

(In case you're wondering, that was not typed sarcastically.) ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to know I don't have to credit mrtl for the tangent style, because I've been using it sans copyright for the past 2 months. Whew!!

Now that I have caller ID, I don't pick up the phone. Before caller ID, I screened all calls with the answering machine. Because I am less thoughtful than Bill. Or something like that.

Your little Indians are cute! :)

Chadwick said...

Great response to the survey. I've gotten a ton of those lately & I'll have to use it.

I normally just give the phone to my 7 year old - she will talk to anyone. Only takes a minute or so for them to hang up.

Anonymous said...

When it comes to satisfaction it should be like pregnant. Either you are or you are not. I believe that "kindof's and maybe's" exist but not in this category.

JP said...

The total silence was him looking on his call sheet for an appropriate answer to your comment...

"Do I choose smart customer or observant man child... man child, customer, man child...."

Paige at said...

I tried for 11 minutes to write a comment for this post. This was all I could come up with. ;)

Anonymous said...

Says Jif, "Hey, that's me!"

This is about the nicest post I've ever read. :)

SuperP. said...

LOL! I hate it when I get got too late to go back fix the getter.