Dork

I am not very picky when it comes to what I wear. I grew up on hand-me-downs, Tough Skins and Bo-Bo sneakers. When it comes to fashion, I am pretty simple. I live by the belief that if someone is judging me by my clothes then I am not making a good enough impression on them with my personality.

We went to Wal-Mart the other day to do some food shopping and to pick up some odds and ends. While Lauren was doing most of the shopping I was entertaining Max by running through the aisles. We ended up running down the sneaker aisle and I stopped to grab a new pair of kicks. I have two rules when it comes to sneakers. One, they must be my size and two, they must have some canvas/mesh material so my piggies can breathe. That’s it. Everything else really does not matter to me. I scanned the shoes that they had in neat little rows, saw a pair that met my rules, grabbed a box and I went on my way.

The next day Maxfield was helping lace up my new sneaks. I put them on and started to walk around to make sure they fit right.

“Lights Daddy. Lights.” Max said.

“What’s that Max?” I asked as I walked back and forth.

“Lights Bill. Lights.” (Yes. He calls me Bill half the time. ) He said pointing to my feet.

I looked down and saw flashing red lights coming from the toe and heel of the right sneaker. Every step I took the lights would blink. The left shoe did not work, only the right. I looked at the box and discovered I bought a certain type of safety running shoe. The shoes light up so one can be seen running on the side of the road in the dark. I, however, do not run. I do not jog. The most exercise I get is pretty much a saunter. But I thought the shoes were cool even if the left one did not work.

Lauren stopped as I was about to leave the house to go run errands. She looked me up and down. I was wearing a T-shirt and shorts and my new sneakers.

“Bill, it is bad enough that you are leaving the house with sneakers that light up, let alone, only one sneaker that lights up, but do you have to be such a big dork with your socks pulled up to your knees.”