Monday, January 08, 2007

Dork

I am not very picky when it comes to what I wear. I grew up on hand-me-downs, Tough Skins and Bo-Bo sneakers. When it comes to fashion, I am pretty simple. I live by the belief that if someone is judging me by my clothes then I am not making a good enough impression on them with my personality.

We went to Wal-Mart the other day to do some food shopping and to pick up some odds and ends. While Lauren was doing most of the shopping I was entertaining Max by running through the aisles. We ended up running down the sneaker aisle and I stopped to grab a new pair of kicks. I have two rules when it comes to sneakers. One, they must be my size and two, they must have some canvas/mesh material so my piggies can breathe. That’s it. Everything else really does not matter to me. I scanned the shoes that they had in neat little rows, saw a pair that met my rules, grabbed a box and I went on my way.

The next day Maxfield was helping lace up my new sneaks. I put them on and started to walk around to make sure they fit right.

“Lights Daddy. Lights.” Max said.

“What’s that Max?” I asked as I walked back and forth.

“Lights Bill. Lights.” (Yes. He calls me Bill half the time. ) He said pointing to my feet.

I looked down and saw flashing red lights coming from the toe and heel of the right sneaker. Every step I took the lights would blink. The left shoe did not work, only the right. I looked at the box and discovered I bought a certain type of safety running shoe. The shoes light up so one can be seen running on the side of the road in the dark. I, however, do not run. I do not jog. The most exercise I get is pretty much a saunter. But I thought the shoes were cool even if the left one did not work.

Lauren stopped as I was about to leave the house to go run errands. She looked me up and down. I was wearing a T-shirt and shorts and my new sneakers.

“Bill, it is bad enough that you are leaving the house with sneakers that light up, let alone, only one sneaker that lights up, but do you have to be such a big dork with your socks pulled up to your knees.”

32 comments:

TBG said...

I love Lauren!

You are one brave guy wearing one light up shoe out!

Stacie said...

ROFL! You are my new hero...I've always wanted a pair of shoes that light up...DH wouldn't be seen in public with me, I'm sure of it!
Stacie

Jeff said...

and I thought my minimum attire standards for leaving the house were low...

mrtl said...

safety running shoes my butt - they make those for adults who are jealous of their kids' "sparkle shoes."

Walmart? hmmm

Sandy said...

I don't care what anyone else says. You are one cool dude. But, um..thank god I dress my husband.

Nilbo said...

Ten bucks says they were black socks, too.

Lauren said...

Sorry, ladies.... he's all mine.

Susie said...

I laughed so loud I scared the dog.
Heee, Lauren is wise to come on here and claim you. The ladies love a man with one light-up shoe!
(Not that this lady has ever actually SEEN a man with one light-up shoe . . . but now . . . well, it's the stuff that fantasies are made of . . . heee)

Mainline Mom said...

I would never let my husband leave the house with lightup shoes.

Mainline Mom said...

I would never let my husband leave the house with lightup shoes.

Julie said...

I just spit out my breakfast while laughing. Adult light up shoes. Who knew there was a market for those?

MetroDad said...

At least you didn't buy the kind with built-in rollerskates, Bill! That would have been hilarious. Of course, the image of you with one safety light sneaker is pretty hilarious also.

Slinger said...

If I came home with those shoes, my kids would be jealous! We would end up having matching shoes!

MrsDoF said...

Wait a few years until the varicose veins start throbbing. Then you'll be glad for socks which pull up to your knees. In fact, the doctor will order them for you.

kimmyk said...

I guess as long as they don't have velcro straps you're golden.

Charlotte in Pa said...

I always got the sense that you were the kind of guy who could light up a room...

Kami said...

I had no idea that they made light-up shoes that large. Now pull your socks down, please, so I don't have to Fug you. ;) You are far too young to have them up to your knees.

platypus said...

Your wife is a saint! ;)

PS The word verification on three of the blogs I have visited tonight is 'SMENITA'. Weird!

Laura said...

Just called hub in the room so I could read this to him. He didn't get to hear the punch line because I was laughing to hard.
I'll have to let him read it later;)

and Lauren is priceless! LOL

eclectic said...

Clearly you need more assertive supervision than Max can provide when you're shopping. Maybe Wyatt "The Enforcer" will be able to persuade you against such shoe choices once he begins walking...
;)

Andrea said...

OH! I'm cracking up! They actually make grown up shoes with lights in them...and YOU WEAR THEM!!! ;)

On my daughter's first day at her new school here, it was two days after we moved and I had not unearthed from the boxes the tennis shoes she usually wore to school. All I could fine was her icky pair she wears outside when it's muddy, and yes they were light up shoes (and first graders are usually already too cool for those), and yes, like yours, only one worked. I felt horrible, like I was making her look like the loser poor kid whose parents couldn't dress her right...on her first day of school!!! :)

momo9 said...

William, you definitely are the adopted son! No blood of mine over 35 would wear that outfit. High socks and lighted sneaker! Wow! You must be the talk of the neighborhood. But then again, your Dad has been known to wear some strange outfits. How 'bout older # one brother, he dresses kinda crazy too. Maybe you copy him?

Long Island Dad said...

LOL!, that's great... Maybe the left shoe just needs batteries??? But where would you put them???

Circus Kelli said...

Bill, you're HAWT, I don't care what Lauren says. :D

Jay said...

Hilarious story! Nothing wrong with tube socks pulled up, as long as they have brightly colored rings at the top.

I love your blog. You make me laugh.

http://jaysignaltonoise.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Toughskins and bobos build character

undercovermutha said...

Just another satisfied Wal-Mart customer...

liv said...

I'm still reeling from the knowledge that light up sneakers are made in adult sizes...but, dude, this is bad.

Anonymous said...

You are all stupid!

Anonymous said...

I really want a pair of those! Can you please tell me what brand they are so that I can look for them? I'm going to look at Walmart, but I don't want to just go through each pair of shoes they have slamming them into the ground and waiting to see if they light up. You are my hero for wearing those shoes!

Random and Odd said...

Shaun said, "Dude, you left your blinker on."

Louise said...

I was giggling, reading all the comments about your attire, but I laughed out loud when random and odd said "Dude, you left your blinker on" Funny stuff! Actually, I found your blog because I want a pair of Light-up shoes. I volunteer at the Zoo and besides wearing my "Steve Irwin-wannabe" outfit, I just lust after those light-up shoes as the little tykes trek through the Feline Building. I wanna pair!