Friday, October 06, 2006

Sandbox

Maxfield and I went to the playground the other night. As we walked up to the sand box I noticed a little girl about Max’s age eating a picnic dinner with her parents. I nodded a silent “hello” in their direction and Max and I continued on to the swings.

We played for while and after the little girl was done eating she came over to play with Max. The two of them did the whole “monkey see monkey do” thing that toddlers often do at a playground. Max would go down the slide, so would the little girl. The little girl would run over to the merry-go-round and so would Max. They were both keeping a safe distance from each other but at the same time playing together. Meanwhile I was making small talk with the girls parents.

Max eventually got bored of the little girl and went off to the corner of the sandbox to play in the sand. I walked over and sat down with Max and we started drawing in the sand. I would write a letter or a number in sand and Max would tell me what it was. I would smooth the sand over and start again. We were doing this for a few minutes when the girl and her parents came over and sat with us.

“Look Ryan.” The mother said to the little girl. “They are doing their letters. You know your letters.”

Now that Max had an audience he wanted to show off a bit. He wanted to draw the letters himself. I would tell him the letter to write and then I would hold his hand, with his pointer finger out, and help him write it in the sand.

I then asked Max what letters he wanted to write.

“Eff.” He said. So we wrote an F. I smoothed the sand and asked him for another.

“Ew.” He said indicating the letter U. I erased the U after we wrote it, the little girl and her parents watching us.

“What next Max?” I asked.

“See.” He said.

As I started to write the letter C it occurred to me that even with the total randomness of his letter requests there was a possibility of him spelling the word Fuck. I started to have a discussion with myself.

“What are these people going to think of us if he does? Yeah but what are the chances that he actually does? He has a 1 in 26 chance of the next letter being K. But what if he does say K? Will they notice? Will they pick up their kid and go home? No, they won’t notice if it is the letter K. And if they do notice they will understand that it is totally random. But what if they don’t realize it is random. But if I stop asking him what letters he wants to draw surely they will pick up on that fact that I am stopping the game. Plus I am kind of interested to see if he does say K because really what are the chances of that? And how funny would that be?”

I took a deep breath. “Max, What next?” I braced myself. I looked over at the other parents to see if there were interested. The look on the mother’s eyes said to me that she WAS paying attention. I waited for Max to respond.

“Doubba Eww.” He said.

I breathed a slight sigh as we drew a W.

31 comments:

Sandy said...

That's one of the fun parts of having kids...you never really know what's going to come out of their mouths!

Teri said...

phew....I was on the edge of my seat with this one.

he's a smart one.

Meegs said...

It seems your son has picked up your knack for freaking people out a little!!! ;-)

momo9 said...

Wait till next time! You got off easy on this one. Scarey isn't it? Wait till he says it to you (when he's a teenager) Wait till you get called to school 'cause he said it to a teacher! Wait till he says it to his own grandmother! Been there! It's no fun. Not that YOU were the culprit. But it has happened! Makes a Mom a stronger person when she faces adversity. I, myself, never knew what the word was, till my teenage boys started using it! Trashy, trashy! Calls for more than soap in the mouth! My parents NEVER used that word! I never did either, till now! FUCW!

Circus Kelli said...

Kids spell the darndest things...

Effie said...

Oh that made me laugh and laugh....still laughing here....that Max

Stacie said...

Holy cow...the first time I got worried for you was when you said you were making small talk with the parents, I said "uh-oh" but then when Max started spelling, I was on the edge of my seat...too funny! Great story. Stacie

Adam said...

Haha! That's Fucwing classic!

Anonymous said...

After the C part of your story you sounded like that guy from princess bride who describes which glass of wine is poisoned.

Rude Cactus said...

Whew. That was close!

No_Newz said...

Holy crap! That is funny!Have a great weekend.

Anonymous said...

Soooo funny! And your mom is a complete riot! LOL!!!

Mich said...

Max was definitely out to get you on this one. You know how smart he is - guess you and Lauren will have to stop spelling your curse words at each other.

Platypus said...

Am giggling quietly here as I totally understand that feeling of fear just before you asked for the final letter. It only gets better from here. :)

eclectic said...

lvcfxAspirations of making him a sailor later in life? Great strategy, getting him swearing like one at this tender age. ;) Hee! That was wonderfully entertaining!!

TBG said...

I can bet if he said K those parents would be avoiding you two at the park next time!

Sharkey said...

I couldn't stand the suspense, and I had to glance ahead to the end.

Glad he didn't get you into trouble with the other family!

lehighmary said...

That was hilarious!

Bryan said...

Provocative in its simplicity

Lynn said...

I had a similar incident (only it turned out badly) where my son was rhyming his friends names by saying the name and then substituting an F for the first letter of the name. All was well until he got to his pal, Chuck. Yikes!

cat said...

"FUCW"? I hope he spells "SHIZZ" next time! Because that? Would ROCK.

Mainline Mom said...

Yep you got lucky that time. :)

kimmyk said...

When I first read you were in the park with Max my initial reaction was "I thought he was banned from the park..."

Then you said you were talking to the lil girls parents and then my next thought was "Oh for the love of Mary please don't let him talk to these people".

Maybe what Max was trying to spell out was "F-U-C W" as in FU*K YOU GEORGE W. I don't know. I'm grasping at straws here. You got lucky this time. I'm sure there will be a next.

suzanne said...

haha! Bet he know what he was doing :)

Susie said...

hahaaa This cracked me up! "He has a 1 in 26 chance . . . " All I could think was, "Max . . . DEAL or NO DEAL?" haaa, I just read the comments. Look at Mom with the FUCW!
oh, thank you. I needed the laugh :)

Kami said...

WHEW!

I was scared.

judypatooote said...

Ya lucked out there didn't ya.... I remember one time my daughter was about 6 and my son was 3, and she was yelling mom, mom, Joey said the F word.....oh no.....and I said what was that, she said Fart.....I felt better after that...

kalki said...

I think Max is just the coolest. I also think he knew what he was spelling and was totally messing with you.

stepblog said...

The W was the Lauren in him coming out. If he was just channeling Daddy, we know what that fourth letter would have been.

Nilbo said...

LOVED this story! Hilarious. And really nice craft in the telling ...

... but really? K would have been awesome. Just sayin'

Wendy said...

We used to have a cat named Puck. We like to play the Name Game song. You know, "Puck, Puck, bo buck, banana fanna, fo f ...." We had to stop singing for our cat ;). Not quite as funny as your story, but up there with my daughter telling her grandma on the phone that sometimes our dog "sh*ts" on the carpet.