Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I could have been a contender Part 2

I already wrote about how my brothers are responsible for me not being a great professional athlete. (Click to read).


I realized at an early age that I was not that gifted when it came to sports. Most of my brothers had natural ability or skills in athletics. Me, I played sports like a retarded gorilla. As a matter of fact my nickname on the basketball court was Grape Ape. In an effort to make myself standout I developed an interest in other areas, one of which was theater. Wouldn’t you know it? My brothers are also responsible for me not being an Academy Award winning actor.

Many a times over the years they have either willingly or unwillingly thwarted my attempts at acting. It started when I was in elementary school.

In fourth grade, my English class was going to perform a short play for the entire school and parents for the Halloween assembly. None of my brothers had done any shows before; they were too busy perfecting lay-ups and jump shots. This was my chance to break out and shine, to do something better than them. The play was "The Headless Horsemen". I got a few small parts in the play. In the “Headless Horseman” I was cast as one of Ichabod’s students as well as the Headless Horseman’s horse (shut it, it was a start).

When the big day arrived I made sure that my mom was going to make it to the school on time. She had been to countless Little League games and Pee Wee football games that I knew this was going to impress her. My mom assured me she would pick up Jimmy, the youngest, from morning Kindergarten, and they would both be there. Some of my brothers attended the school so by default they would have to be there for the show. I was going to impress them as well. I knew my lines. I knew my cues. I knew my blocking. I was ready.

The curtain opened with Ichabod, played by Matt Brigaman, teaching his students. He asked his students to recite their ABC’s. That was my cue. I smiled, and in character, belted out my line. “A.B.C.D. E. F…..” Live theater was such a rush.

Just as I reaching the letter "K" my little brother Jimmy, from the back of the Gym, yelled at the top of his lungs, “SHUT UP BILLY.” It echoed off the cinder block walls and the backboards of the basketball nets. “Shut Up..up up up. Billy Billy... illy.”

The audience started laughing. I broke out into a cold sweat. I was in total shock. I was embarrassed. I froze. Live theater sucked. I couldn’t remember the rest of my lines. It was only the rest of the frigging alphabet, but I was stuck. “What the heck comes after ‘K”?” I asked myself. My mouth went dry. My throat closed and my vocal chords started to squeak. Thankfully, Jimmy Elliot, another one of Ichabod’s students bailed me out. He finished the rest of the alphabet.

We finished the scene and I went backstage totally flustered. I could not concentrate on anything else except the fact that my brother totally made me mess up. Before I knew it we were approaching the end of the play.

“Billy.” Mrs. Webb hissed. “Where is your horse costume? You are on in two minutes.”

I rushed to put on the costume. In my haste I did not align the eyeholes properly. I went out on stage as a blind horse, which caused the whole Headless Horseman chasing Ichabod climax ending to be a total disaster. My blindness caused The Headless Horseman, played by Bob M, (who did a magnificent job I might add) to miss Ichabod with the thrown pumpkin. Apparently I was facing a wall.

This was the first of many botched theater performances caused by my brothers.





That's me on the left.

21 comments:

TBG said...

You were adorable! Sorry your brother screwed up your big performance!

sari said...

that's a funny story, and the picture is good too. you at least look like you're having a good time!

i just keep laughing at the horse part, it's pretty funny!

momo9 said...

William, you are starting to sound like the Whisperer! James was only a little boy. You must take responsibility for your own actions! Don't blame your family. I was proud of you. I loved the fact that you were interested in something other than sports. You did well in all your theater persuits! How can you remember that far back? Maybe James was mad that I had to take him to the play. ( did not have a sitter) He was reprimanded by me at the time, I'm sure! Don't let the Whisperer's negative vibes rub off on you. Of course we do have two MCS children. Be You and the Whisp himself.

Anonymous said...

If you played a Headless Horse, doesn't that mean you were a horse's ass?

lawnwhisperer said...

Two things, Bill, there is nothing wrong with being like me. Don't listen to mom. And Kevin is funny.

Teri said...

Bill, I heard through the grapevine that you were adopted...


run for your life.........

No_Newz said...

Dude, I love your mom! Just be glad they didn't decide to take you to the glue factory.
I think they should have called you Magilla Gorilla, instead of Grape Ape, but that's just me. :P
Lois

stepblog said...

hahahahahahahaha

I am shocked that Brigaman beat you out for the lead role. Shocked.

Also, what about how big brother K. swooped in as a senior after never doing any theatre and beat all the rest of us who had paid our dues for YEARS in musicals and plays and snagged THE lead role in Grease. I thought it was just a sudden interest in acting but now see it was just another attempt by your brothers to keep you down. You and Mike Sanders and Bill George, that is. You poor thing.

Jamie said...

Nice. When I was a kid I played Flower the Skunk in the grade school's rendition of Bambie. I had ONE line. I screwed it up. That was that.

Susie said...

Cheez, with a childhood like yours, it's a wonder you're not shooting people from a clock tower! ;)

The Headless Horseman would be NOTHING without a horse. He'd just be "the headless." pffft. What's that about? You really were the star, even if your eyeholes were . . . askance.

Anonymous said...

Hillarious! Bill, you keep me laughing everyday. Lawnwhisper...you need to update your blog man!

Stacie said...

Cheer up Billy, I bet it's YOUR name everyone remembers from that play and not that other guy whatsisname!

when I was in kindergarten I was in a school play. I was supposed to be a crying tulip but when I got on stage I was so nervous I laughed thru the whole thing. My teacher pulled me off stage and reprimanded me and I wasn't allowed to go to recess for the rest of the week. To this day I laugh inappropriately when I am upset or nervous situations.
Stacie

SoozieQ said...

You crack me up!!! Facing a wall...heh.

Kami said...

Poor little Billy...

Platypus said...

That's so funny, thank you! I needed a good laugh tonight and you obliged brilliantly.

Siblings, don't you just love 'em?!

JP said...

What comes after K!!! After K............. That's just too funny. You probably still remember all the blood rushing to your cheeks when you think about that incident!!!

The Kept Woman said...

You were indeed cute in a David Cassidy sort of way!

Brothers....good for nothin' I tell ya.

Mainline Mom said...

Your mom sounds just like mine when she reads my blog. She's always telling me how my recollection is WRONG.

maggie said...

um well we all know jimmy is the baby jesus so momo9 probably let him yell that.

judypatooote said...

Your whole darn family is funny... you might never have remembered that performance if it wasn't for your brother....so forgive him... and start writing a book....your very funny....

Cole said...

The first of many times you stood on a stage with no clue what your lines were. Now we know where it all stems from.