Tuesday, October 24, 2006

If you ask a question....

Ring Ring went the phone at my house last night at 8:45 as Max was just falling asleep.

"Hello." I answered on the second ring, knowing it was a telemarketing type of call, but wanting to stop the noise before the third ring.

"Yes?" said the voice on the phone somewhat surprised that I answered. "Hello. I am calling about your recent service with your KIA dealer. On September 19th you took your car in for service and I wanted to conduct a brief survey about that service."

"How long will this take?" I answered. I have no problem with these types of call because I know how difficult cold calls can be.

"Three minutes, sir."

"Okay."

She then continued to ask me a series of questions about the service at the local KIA dealer.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being very bad and 10 being outstanding, how would you say was the scheduling of your service?" She asked.

"Eight." I responded.

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being very bad and 10 being outstanding how would you rate, the process of dropping off your vehicle for service?"

"Eight?"

"On a scale of one 1 to 10, 1 being very bad and 10 being outstanding how would you rate your satisfaction with the service. "

"The car was just there for an oil change. I guess I am satisfied. Unless they put gravy in it. I am going to say an Eight."

She asked me several more more questions.

"On a scale of 1 to 10...."

"Eight."

"On a scale of 1 to 10..."

"Eight."

"On a scale of 1 to 10..."

"Eight.

This went on for more than the three minutes she told me it would take. I finally said, "Miss just put me down for an eight for all of the scale of 1 to ten questions."

"Okay." She replied. "I just have a few more questions that I do not need a number response."

"Okay." I said. She asked me some other questions and I was getting more and more annoyed.

She then asked, "What could have your local KIA dealer provided that would have made you give them a higher score?"

"Hookers and beer." was my response.

"Uh. Umm. I am not sure I can type that in." She said stuttering.

'Why not?" I asked. "H.O.O.K.E.R.S.B.E.E.R. It is pretty simple."

"Well, Sir, I was looking for a serious response. "

"Seriously. Hookers and beer."

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

I couldn't have said it better myself.

adam said...

Honesty is always the best policy.

Teri said...

I would have typed it in and see what KIA said then.

Nilbo said...

I always feel sorry for the survey takers - it's a job filled with slammed phones and people yelling at you for getting them " ... off the toilet for THIS?!?!"

So I'm like you - I try to answer and try to make it a brighter part of their day. They aren't the boss - they get told who to call and when to call and what to say ... might just as well make a random person's day a little brighter.

Amanda said...

Thank You for making me laugh first thing in the morning.

Anonymous said...

I did that job once upon a time, it's thankless. I would have typed in hookers and beer. By the way if they implement this policy Lauren might start taking the car in for service just so you don't get serviced too.

Sandy said...

yeah...that'll stop them from calling...lol

Stacie said...

I sooooo have to remember this for the next time I get one of those calls. Stacie

Platypus said...

I'm definitely stealing that idea for next time I get a cold call!

Queen Bee said...

You're baaaaaad! Wonder what she really typed ;)

Jamie said...

Ale and whores!

Mich said...

What about the popcorn? You always need popcorn with hookers and beer. It's an unwritten rule!

Anonymous said...

i feel like all i ever have to comment is "oh my god, you are SO FUNNY!"

but, at the risk of sounding redundant, you are SO FUNNY. seriously.

N said...

oops, i somehow came through as "anonymous". don't like feeling like a creepy anonymous blog-stalker. it was me with the "you are so funny" comment.

really, it was all part of an elaborate plan to tell you how funny you are again. :)

Anonymous said...

On a scale of 1 to 10, this post was an 8.

N,
What's wrong with being anonymous?

momo9 said...

The questioneer deserved that response. When they say 2 minutes or 3 minutes, they should not go over time! Time is valuable to all. We've all given them a chance at one time or another, and they take advantage! Just don't answer the phone after 8:30 at night! How 'bout when you say no to a solicitor and they keep on talking trying to continue to sell you, or ask for a donation? No means NO! After my second No, I hang up. They can be ignorant! Don't know that I would have said Hookers and Beer, but your Dad would have, in a heartbeat.

Effie said...

h.o.o.k.e.r.s would have cost you money--that should have been s.t.r.i.p.p.e.r.s instead--that you didn't have to pay! Big difference--you're supposed to get more "bang" for your buck at KIA, aren't you?

momo9 said...

People, Lawn Whisperer is back! Check him out! Sorry, William to use your space for advertising.

Sparkles said...

I am the queen of telephone surveys. I have no idea what list I got on but so far this year I have taken surveys on Sharpie Markers, Commedy Central, Banking, and several election surveys. The fun part is giving them answers they do not expect or make sense. Serves them right for taking up my time.

cat said...

Hookers and beer from KIA? No. That just doesn't seem right... I'm thinking pole dancers and Zima.

susie said...

Ohmigod...Acura has been calling every night since I had the car in for it's 30k service. I've been screening...now I have a good reason to pick up... but I think instead of hookers and beer I'll recommend a nanny and Starbucks Mochas.

kalki said...

You are the man.

mrtl said...

ha!

Mainline Mom said...

Brilliant. Why can't I think of those types of responses?