Den of Thieves

Lauren did not get a good-nights-sleep on Saturday night so in an effort to let her rest on Sunday morning I took Maxfield to Church by myself. We are still looking for a new church and since in the south, churches are like Starbuck’s (there is one at every intersection), I could not decide which one we should try so we went to the old standby, St. Peter’s and Paul’s Catholic church.

St. Pete’s has a small room in the back for people with kids, so I knew we could attend the mass without too much trouble. We took up a few seats in the back of the room and Maxfield was being very good, sitting somewhat quietly, playing with his trains. There was the occasional “shout out” to the statues of Mary and Joseph that were hanging on the wall beside us, but for the most part he was much more well-behaved than the other children in the room. We made it through the readings, the Gospel, and the collections when he started to get a little fidgety. I let him go through the diaper bag to find more toys, when he pulled out two pacifiers.

With one pacifier secured in his mouth and the other switching from hand to hand, I let him roam around the room a bit. He had his eye a 3 year little girl in a pink dress who was playing quietly on the floor with some coins her mother gave her for the collection plate. The little girl of course did not put the money on the plate when it came by; she simply put the money on her seat and quietly counted the quarter the dime and the penny.

Maxfield loves coins. He loves putting them into his bank. He loves throwing them into fountains at the mall. He loves playing with them. I knew that there might be a battle between Max and the little girl over the coins so I kept a close eye on him.

At first Max just tried to grab the coins but the girl was too quick for him and she snapped them up like a professional Jacks player. Max whined. I pulled him away and told him “No”. He tried another approach. He smiled and batted his eyes in an effort to charm the coins away from the girl. She smiled and the two shared a moment. During this moment, Max made another attempt to snatch the coins with his pacifier free hand. The girl was too quick for him again put both her hands over the coins. Max whined a little more loudly than the first time. I moved closer ready to intervene. I could see that Max was coming up with a new plan.

He smiled again at the little girl and he took his pacifier and offered it to her as he eyed the coins in her hand. She looked puzzled, but she was considering his offer. I could not believe it. Max was going to sell his pacifier for 36 cents. I stepped closer and grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the girl. I told him “No” again and made him sit on my lap. He got real fussy and started to whine louder, but eventually he calmed down.

The congregation stood to recite “The Lords Prayer” when Max started to throw a fit. I could not figure out what was bothering him, but he was not happy. Moaning and whining and saying “Nah, nah. NO!”

I whispered, “What’s wrong?”

“NO! Nah nah. No!” he yelled back.

Then it struck me. He thought I was going to put him to bed. We say the “Lord’s Prayer” as part of his nighttime routine, and he was NOT ready for bed. He made a scene and so we left the church. I now know that I need to change his nighttime prayer routine.

Score Max-4 Churches 0.

There is an ironic part to this story and I could not make this stuff up if I tried. The Gospel at the mass on Sunday was from John 2:13-25 Where Jesus kicks out all the vendors that are selling stuff in the temple. My son hears this and then tries to sell his pacifier. I shit you not.