Church Vs. Max

A friend of Lauren’s recommended a different church for us to try. So, on Sunday, Maxfield, Lauren and I headed over the 8:30 service to check it out. We arrived at 8:29 and were greeted by smiles and “Oh the kid is so cute” by the ushers and people in the seats around us. The people seemed nice. The first half hour of the service was music and song, briefly interrupted by an announcement or two about the church. At 9:00 all the children in the church left the service to attend Sunday school. Lauren and I, not knowing what was going on, kept Max with us and let him play on the floor beside us. He was being very good.

Pete the minister asked that everyone open their bible, (we didn’t bring one, because, well because it’s a church, you would think they would have some there. You don’t bring medicine to a hospital right?) and follow along in the chapter he was going to cover. Without the music to keep him entertained, Max started to get a little antsy. He proceeded to empty the diaper bag of all its contents onto the floor. He played quietly for a few minutes and then decided it would be okay to empty Lauren’s wallet onto the floor. Lauren, not wanting her credit cards and Gym Membership cards to make it to the collection plate, took the wallet away from Max. Of course he started to whine. Not loudly but enough to show us his displeasure.

I picked Max up so Lauren could put all of our stuff away. Max let out a scream. An usher approached us as I was trying to slip out of the row of seats, trying to make a quick exit. The usher whispered, “We have a daycare center you could take him to.”

I thanked the usher but said I would just go outside until Max calmed down. As we were leaving the church I heard Pete the minister say to the congregation. “I am Sorry. I just lost track of where I was. Usually when something like this happens I am pretty good about keeping on track but that really distracted me.”

I could feel the eyes of the whole congregation staring at us. I even saw some of the people give me, not dirty looks, but the hairy-eyeball of judgment looks. We exited through the back of the church and went outside to play. I didn’t even look back to see if Lauren was behind me, which she was not. She stayed through the rest of the service.

When it was over, she told me the minister was distracted by Maxfield, and it took him a minute to get back on track. We were both somewhat embarrassed by the whole thing. We made a beeline to our car and we boogied out of there. So far the score is Max 2 -Churches 0.