Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Guy's Night

Lauren’s mother was in town visiting with us this past week. On Friday night, Lauren and her mom decided they were going to go out together, just the two of them, and leave me home with the boys.

As the ladies were getting ready I was mentally prepping Max and Wyatt for an evening without their mother as well as a night without their Mom Mom, who they both adore. I was talking a big game about how it would be a “guy's night”, just the three men, with no one to tell us what to do. I was telling the boys that we could sit around in our underwear and watch cartoons all night. That we could fart, burp and be rude at will, that we could be men.

I was selling them on the fact that Daddy would be in charge and I joked out loud, “Heck, we might even go to Hooters. Who is gonna stop us?” Like I said, I was talking a big game.
Maxfield looked up at me and gave me a puzzling look.

“Do you want to go to Hooters?” I asked Max. He did not say anything.

Lauren and her mom were all ready to go and they stopped in the kitchen to say goodbye to the men of the house. They kissed Wyatt and then Max and as Lauren was about to kiss me goodbye she asked what were we planning for the evening.

I turned to Max and asked him. His response was a two-year-old’s attempt to pronounce Hooters. Except he failed to pronounce one of the “O’s and the “T”.

It sounded like he said Whores.

Lauren looked at me with wide eyes and a look that said I can’t believe you taught him that word and I am going to kill you when I get home.

I tried to explain that "whore" was not the word I taught him and that it was actually the word "Hooter" that I wanted him to say but then I realized I was in a lose lose situation and I let it go.


Anonymous said...

Soooo, what was your guy's night like? Did you call Lauren on her cell? (which I know she had at the standby) Bet you did! Honey,where's the bink? Honey,what story do they like best? Honey, where's the Laurie Berkner C.D.? Honey, I can't find the pajama bottoms. Honey, when are you coming home?

JP said...

Smart, smart man. Hooters and whores are just about equivalent when say that to the wife. Besides you just go to Hooters for the hot wings, riiiiiiiigggghhhht??????

Stepping Over the Junk said...

AWESOME!!! As if Hooters wasn't bad enough!

My little one used to call the big red fire trucks, "big red fire f***s." (fill in the blanks).

Susie said...

Yea, "Hooters" is a waaaaay better word to teach a 2-year-old than "whores" is. I had no idea you like to live on the edge like this. Lauren is not to be trifled with, we can tell.

Anonymous said...

1. Brilliant, brilliant post. Easily one of the funniest I've read in a while.
2. Inquiring minds want to know... what was the guy's night really like? Did you sit in your underwear drinking milk out of the carton watching cartoons?
3. You simply must post about the fallout (or at least the clarification discussion) for this masterful screw-up.

Anonymous said...

she should NOT be surprised by anything you say or do at this point.

hope you had a great "boys" night.

Unknown said...

Bwahahahaha -- Oh William. You're somethin else. :)

Anonymous said...

How can you have a guys night without midgets?

Anonymous said...

Shushing was obviously the smartest move right there. Good man.

How did you happen to explain it, by the way?

Lois Lane said...

I can see him at his play date next week, "Me and Dad love whores!" Hahahaha! You are in so much trouble with that little guy. And you have yourself to thank. Now that is a win/win, right Lauren?! :D

Anonymous said...

I happen to like their chicken wings, the spicy ones.
That said I really don't see much difference between the two words. ;)

Howeverrrr, hub and I once had a long, spirited debate over the shorts and tshirts they wear. It started when he claimed I was looking the waitresses up and down.

I was. BUT... I was simply looking at the way they looked in their shorts, that's pretty much it. I wasn't looking at them suggestively. Women do this stuff, we look to see the way other women wear their outfits.
Hub was looking her up and down a whole OTHER way and fashion was NOT on his mind.
ahh men, sheesh. LOL

MrsDoF said...

Aw, I love it when little kids have mistakes in speaking. It takes awhile to get the mouth movements just right.

My husband hasn't been back to Hooters since the lunchtime when he realized that the perky waitress had been in school with one of our sons.
Husband remembered being tutor for a group doing Junior Great Books, and she kept wiggling a loose tooth and slurping while another kid was trying to read aloud.
Really took the fun away of going out with the guys at mid-day.

I have caught him looking at a tall woman in her late 30s who was wearing a pretty sundress.

Lowa said...

I totally saw that coming!

Well, since Lauren reads the blog, she will know what Max really meant.

But yeah, not much difference. At least from what I have heard, I have never actually gone to a Hooters. Don't understand the concept at all.

Men are so weird!

Michelle said...

Oh William - I have got to send you the speech chart - the one that tells you about mastery of speech sounds. You clearly need it before trying to teach Max any more new words!!

Anonymous said...

As Max's godmother, I do not appreciate you teaching him such things. Hope you told him Hooters is only good for the wings!

eclectic said...

Like a guy at Hooter's with a baby and a toddler is gonna have time or opportunity to look at much of anything besides the kids, anyway?! ;) I'd give a LOT to overhear the conversation between Lauren and her mom for the next half-hour or so...!

Anonymous said...

You think he just couldn't say the word right, but the truth is the little dude is already messing with you and getting you in trouble with Mama. Love it.

OhTheJoys said...

Those Hoo-ers are not going to like all the burps and farting!