The Devil's cat.

I was sitting in the family room, reading a book, waiting for the new episode of Lost to start and Lauren was at the kitchen table, which overlooks where I was sitting, working on a sewing project. The kids were asleep. The cats were locked up and Luna, our dog, was out back. I was looking forward to a peaceful evening.

"Uh Oh" Lauren said. "I think Luna just got sprayed by a skunk."

I looked over at her. "Why do you say that?"

"I just heard her bark and I can smell it."

I stood up and walked the five feet to the kitchen. Lauren was sitting by the bay window that overlooks the back yard. I was smacked in the face by, what I thought at that time, was the most despicable odor I have ever smelled. Lauren said she heard a noise under the bay window. That must have been where the skunk was hiding.

"Oh No." I said and I went back to the family room to open the sliding glass door that leads to our screened-in porch. I opened the door and was smacked in the face by what I thought, at that time, was the most despicable odor I have ever smelled (and I just smelled the most despicable smell). "Luna!" I called out.

She came running to the screen door. I shut the sliding door behind me and walked over to the screen door and let her inside the porch. I leaned over and smelled her fur. And now, at that time I smelled the most dispacable odor I have ever smelled. Yep she got sprayed by a skunk. I knew I was going to leave her on the porch and as I tried to enter the house she tried to nudge her way past me. I grabbed her by the head and pushed her back.

I walked back into the house and our entire home now smelled of skunk. I would say it is was a "God awful" smell but I think that maybe a Skunk is like the devil's cat. The odor was pungent and putrid and Lauren and I both agreed we could taste it in the back of our throats.

"How do we clean her up?" I asked.

"Go look it up on-line." She answered. "Is she bad?"

"She does not look like she got it in her face but her coat smells horrible." I said as I ran to the computer and thank Google I had an answer fast.

"I need to run out to the store to get some peroxide and baking soda. I need to clean her tonight. I can't let her sleep outside. Its freezing." I put on my shoes and grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I thought the fresh air out front would be refreshing but the stink was still burning the hairs in my nose.

Ten minutes later I was standing in Walgreens Pharmacy looking for the materials I would need. I had to ask a young girl to help me find something and as she walked past me I could see her wince. "Holy crap!" I thought. "I smell like a skunk." I sniffed my hands. They weren't too bad. Maybe I was smelling a phantom smell. I sniffed my arms, my shoulders, my chest anywhere my nose could reach. The girl turned and looked at me like I was a crazy smelly lunatic. I must have gotten skunk on me when I pushed the dog back. I apologized to the girl and tried to explain myself but she just hurried away.

I took my basket up to the counter and,of course, at 9:30 on a Thursday night, is when EVERY ONE wants to shop at Walgreens. The people in front of me kept looking around and sniffing the air. The two people directly in front of me, kept looking back at me and making faces. I could swear that the guy at the check out counter, after I signed the credit card slip, threw the pen away.

When I got home the house still stunk. I put on some old clothes and some just purchased rubber gloves (I usually rent them . I have a lease with an option to buy*). I took off my shoes so they would not get wet and smelly. I made up the mixture of peroxide, dish soap and baking soda and I went out back onto the screened porch.

I scrubbed the dog for twenty minutes. My feet were soaked and numb from the cold. The instructions said to let the mixture soak in for a bit before rinsing it off. I went inside to warm up and I filled up two buckets of hot water to rinse the dog. The house still stunk. I waited the appropriate amount of time and I went back to rinse the dog. I poured the hot water slowly over her back. As the hot water hit the cold conrete floor, steam rose up into my face. The more water I poured, the more steam. Basically I was taking a skunk sauna.

Suprisingly the mixture seemed to work. Once Luna was rinsed she smelled more like wet dog than skunk.

Like I said before, a skunk has to be from the devil. I have never smelled anything as horrible as that sulfuric, pungent, nasty, burnt rotten eggs smell of a skunk spray. That's just how nasty it was. The smell feels like it has invaded my body to some extent, like I need to use Carpet Fresh on my soul.



*What movie is that line from?