Monday, June 05, 2006

Pool Party

This past Saturday we attended two birthday parties for some neighborhood kids. Both parties involved cake, presents, lots of kids and the worst part, swimming of some sort. Now I like cake and presents and such but the swimming part was difficult for me. I had a decision to make. I am a vain man, but I also realize that most of my vanity is in my own head. So the decision was do I take off my shirt to go swimming or do I leave it on.

By taking off my shirt I would reveal to people, that I hardly know, my pasty white, somewhat overweight, partially gray hairy body. By not taking off my shirt, I look like the guy who is embarrassed by said body and when I would get out of the pool the t-shirt would stick to all the flabby areas of my midsection. The worst part about it, whether I wore a shirt or not, my hair would get messed up. I am very vain about my hair.

At the first party Max wanted to go into the pool right away. So I sucked in my gut and took off my shirt and we went swimming. After a few minutes Max went over to the baby pool and I sat on the side letting the sun dry me off. I felt very awkward being introduced to people for the first time with messy hair and no shirt. I am glad most of them were wearing sunglasses because I am sure that their eyes would have revealed their shock and horror to amount of water pouring out of my belly button as I stood up to shake their hands.

16 comments:

lawnwhisperer said...

fat ass!!!

teri said...

you know, it's a wonder you're not in therapy considering you have do deal with your crazy siblings, especially that LawnWhisperer guy.

William, don't sweat it. No one looks their best when it's hot and humid outside and especially when you're at a pool party and have been swimming. I think you should just have fun with Max. You could be like us girls and bring a bag with you filled with hair stuff so you can do a quick fix after the swim?!

RzDrms said...

happy birthday tomorrow! (i'm pretty sure it's tomorrow.) :-)

Kari said...

Never wear a shirt in the pool! It's SO tacky and always looks way worse than the body underneath.

Have fun with Max. It's summer, there are fat hairy people everywhere! Who cares?

Sandy said...

I don't blame you at all....I also don't want to see the looks of horror on the faces of people, so I don't bother going to the pool at all...it's a bonus that I can't swim.

ieatcrayonz said...

Aw damn. I should have gone pee before I read this. Yeah, there is nothing worse that a self-conscious middle-aged man trying to hide under a t-shirt in the pool.

It's like a middle-aged wet t-shirt contest that you don't want to be the winner of. Good choice.

Odd Mix said...

First Mainline Mom says you are fat and now Kari says you are fat AND hairy. Ouch.

I jus sit on the side and let them hold onto my toes because, while not hairy, I am fat.

Susie said...

Nice to see men have similar body issues as women. Not that it's NICE to feel that way..well you know. I always get stuck wih Liam in the pool because Dan also has body/hair/getting wet issues. God I just realized, he's SHM (Summertime High Maintenance)!

TBG said...

I am not a fan of pool parties either but kids love them!

Peter said...

Just TAN IT! It hides the hairs and the rolls.

Stacie said...

Aw Bill, you are probably the only one that's thinking about it at all...I bet no one even give a second thought....not that no one would think about you, it's just that no one probably noticed if your gray or overweight. I'm not saying your overweight, or even gray for that matter, just going by what you said...I'm leaving now...

Greta said...

bwhahahahah water poring out your belly button...that's classic

Rude Cactus said...

...and now you know how I felt about the swimming pool picture I posted a while back...

Jewl said...

I am so glad that I am not a guy and don't have to worry about going shirtless.
LOL... My sister in law (Kari) just called you fat and hairy.... Nice!

kalki said...

This is just like the bikini-or-not-to-bikini issue I blogged about earlier. So glad to know men suffer similarly.

Anonymous said...

The lunatic is in your head.