Monday, June 26, 2006

Pets

My patience and tolerance of our pets has been waning. They are really starting to frustrate me. Yes I know they are pets and they do things that pets do but I am really getting to the point where their unconditional love and “friendship” and all the other benefits of having pets is no longer outweighing the negatives.

I feed the cats. I feed the dog. I walk the dog three times a day. I clean the litter boxes. At the end of every night I gather the cats and lock them in the garage so they won’t disturb us. I let them out in the morning. I am constantly stepping over the cats and dog while walking through my house.

A month ago I spent a Saturday afternoon steam cleaning our carpets. Within 2 hours Bogart the cat gets a dingle-berry stuck to his ass and scoots his backside across the carpet. Basically he used the carpet as toilet paper.

Luna, our dog, in desperate need of attention is constantly nudging her way between Maxfield and I whenever we are playing on the floor. She gets so excited and wags her butt in our faces, until we stop playing.

My in-laws are in town for a few days and I was discussing with them the all of the stuff that annoys me regarding our pets. My In-laws love pets. I tried to convince them to take the animals back to Pennsylvania with them. I thought I made a good case. I offered my Father-in-law the dog in exchange of my Mother-in-law.

My Mother-in-Law laughed and thought it was a great idea because she would get to see her grandkids all the time. I thought it was great idea because I would not have to walk her or feed her. She could babysit the kids and Lauren and I could go out. I only gave her one rule: She was not allowed to shake her butt in my face.

18 comments:

Sharpie said...

I say, for FREE and TRUSTED babysitting - you let her shake her butt anywhere she damn pleases. AND drag her ass on the carpet.

Betti said...

As much as I *love* my little dog, there are moments that I would trade her in for a taco. She'd have to go to a fantastic family, and the taco would have to be really big and fancy - but all the same, when I step in yet another indoor puddle (or worse) I give it consideration . . .

Jewl said...

I hear you on the pets... I am ready to find new homes for the cats. I am tired of cleaning up crap boxes in my house... YUCK!
And I agree, my carpet is not an ass wipe!

Andrea said...

The fur on our carpet and furniture alone has been enough to make me think we might not replace our two cats after they are gone. Not to mention the cat puke. Ugh. One cat does it, like, every other day. The worst is in the bathroom, when I don't see it first thing in the morning...and step in it. Times like that, these cats are in serious danger of extinction.

lawnwhisperer said...

Dude, you are my hero if you are 'walking the dog' three times a day.

eclectic said...

Plus the flea medicine, the heartworm medicine, the shots... at least your mother in law has health insurance for HER prescriptions! I like how you're apparently going to let her drag her butt on the carpet, but you won't let her shake it in your face. Nice. Next you'll be telling her to clean her own litterbox...

Effie said...

so--did it work? Hmm?

Stacie said...

If she's anything like Lauren, I already love her,and boy will they have you trained in no time with two of them to keep you in line! :)Stacie

Sandy said...

I'm surprised that your Mother in Law didn't just jump right on that deal!

Circus Kelli said...

That last 'requirement', not shaking her butt in your face... that was the deal killer, huh?

I loved our cats when we had them. I did. Then, the kids came along, and I can't tell you how happy I am that we don't have pets anymore.

mary said...

I remember when our dog did a butt slide across our tan carpet (master bedroom carpet, in fact). I saw the streak he left behind, and then I watched as Brenna crawled toward it. I picked her up before she could reach it, but I still had to think of how many more areas like that must have existed in our house. That's why we got new carpet after we found the dog a new home.

Anonymous said...

dingleberry... That is funny.

MetroDad said...

I'm feeling you, Bill. I love our dog but lately he's been a pain in the ass. In the past week, he crapped in the living room, broke into a bag of potato chips and ate the whole thing, and subsequently threw up on the kitchen floor. At this point, I'd gladly trade him for my MIL.

Kami said...

Dude. I know you are being funny, and all, but our three dogs are wearing me out, too. SERIOUSLY.

judypatooote said...

Animals can be annoying...but then so can mother in laws....hehe

Suzanne said...

Good Rule! I think i'd rather have pets that my mother inlaw around - oops did I really type that?? ha-ha :)

momo9 said...

Give me babies anyday, and leave the animals to the zoo!

Peter said...

I have two dogs, with each child their popularity wains. If I did not make my wife feel awful about giving them away they would be GONE baby GONE!