Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Security

My wife is very sharp. She is on the ball. She is witty, hot and smart. But sometimes she has her moments. Moments where her speech and brain do not interact. Like today, we were driving, running some errands and talking about an upcoming business trip of mine.

I was discussing how Orlando International Airport has a security program for frequent flyers, where one can register and have speedy access through security check points. A person would pay a fee and submit to a background check as well as agree to have their fingerprints on file and also submit to a retinal scan each time they are at the airport.

I told her Orlando is the only airport that offers this service at this time. She thought about it for a minute and said, "I guess that is the way it is going. You know security and all. With RECTAL scans and everything else."

She caught herself and what she said and then proceeded to nearly crash the car as she as laughing.

27 comments:

Mainline Mom said...

FIRST! Yeah blame that one on pregnancy brain. But she's smarter AND funnier than you, dude.

Sharkey said...

Hmm . . . long lines, rectal scan? Long lines, rectal scan?

After standing in MCO's security line on Saturday, I can say that the rectal scan just MIGHT be worth it.

Circus Kelli said...

Score one for you, William... I think she's still ahead of you, though. :)

ieatcrayonz said...

So you're telling me that rectal scans aren't a part of the normal procedure?

DAMMIT! I knew I should have asked for identification.

MetroDad said...

hahahaha! The next trend in airport travel. Rectal scanning! hahaha!

Lowa said...

LMAO!

Lauren, you are HYSTERICAL!

But yes, at least she has pregnancy as an excuse. Of course, things will NOT improve.

Every child you have sucks 1/4 of your brain out once he/she is born. It leaves with the placenta somehow (not sure of details).

I was told this some years ago. Not believing it, I went on to have 4 children.

I am now functioning with no brain at all. I am impressed with myself. Some days it is more obvious than others. teehee

I am not sure what this means for women like your mother, with more than 4 kids. I think they are super human or something!

Effie said...

really, if it takes 1/4 of your brain, it should take 1/4 of the remaining brain which would leave you with 3/4 of your brain no matter what...mathematically speaking...*slinking off to my corner now, while still giggling about rectal scans*

Meegs said...

Um, remind me NOT to fly into your airport!

ps. you should do the meme i have up too, because I think your answers would be great.

Mich said...

Definitely preggo brain. She's gestating, she can't be expected to keep all her words straight!

Stacie said...

OMG! That is a riot! Those rectal scans can be a real BUMmer! ROFL!! Get it BUMmer...Ha...O..I CRACK myself up...oh no, I did it again..CRACK! Ok I'm going now!..Stacie

kimmyk said...

EW @ a rectal scan.


Sharkey-ew...not me...I'll take the long lines.

kalki said...

ieatcrayonz beat me to it.

Charlie Blockhead said...

It's the kids man!! It is a scientific fact that for every chorus of "Five Monkeys" you are forced to sing, you lose 10 brain cells.

TBG said...

Ha that was hysterical! I wont be flying through orlando if they are giving rectal exams!

Kami said...

EW. Yeah, sign up for a rectal scan, William!

nikkirae said...

LOL.. Very funny slip-up.

-n

s@bd said...

Aren't sphincters as unique as fingerprints? Or retinas, for that matter?

Anonymous said...

At least they are just doing the scan and not a full cavity search. Not only do you have to remove your belt and shoes but your buttonflys as well. It could be entertaining in the line at least.

just susie said...

That is funny.

Tammy said...

She's a fortune teller. I have no doubt that one day it will come to that.

eclectic said...

I hope they use condoms.

Daddy D said...

soooo....what's the problem?

- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com

No_Newz said...

Don't you doubt her speech/brain interaction skills. Any troubles she is having are clearly your fault. :P
I think you should be sent in for a rectal scan. A little Brokeback Airline perhaps?
Lois Lane

Greta said...

bwhahahahaha!!that is funny shit

Cat said...

Heh. Very smooth, opening with the compliments and all. That being said, BWAH! I don't even know her, but I totally love Lauren. Then again, I AM easy, so there you go.

What?

EasyGOING. Sheesh. You need to get your mind out of the gutter.

croutonboy said...

Well, you need to make sure that no one is smuggling any of those cannonball bombs with the long fuses in their butts. I guess you'd call that a "poo-bomber"

ba dum bum

LizzieDaisy said...

I was so happy when I read I didn't have a brain (4 kids) so I must be ahead of the game as I am still somewhat functioning, only to read in the next post there that my math was lead astray by my excitement over the *almost* excuse. Always did hate story problems. So... still have a brain but obviously it doesn't work.

Rectal is about right... flying bites. Thanks for the laugh, glad she didn't actually crash the car.