Monday, June 28, 2010

Possessed

Needed: a Priest or Rabbi or Shaman or Friar or Monk or Hippie Witch Doctor, Padre or Son of a Preacher Man to perform an exorcism of a demonically possessed red plastic plate.

The red plastic plate is clearly possessed because it causes two boys to argue in high pitched wails over who gets to eat off of it. This red plate causes 6 year old boys to scream, "I GET THE RED PLATE!" over and over again. It also causes 4 year boys to cry and yell, "YOU GOT THE RED PLATE LAST TIME."

"I WANT IT."

"NO, I WANT IT."

"YOU CAN'T HAVE IT."

"NO YOU CAN'T HAVE IT."

The possessed red plate also causes 40 year old men to holler "IT IS JUST A RED PLATE!"

It also causes mothers to cover their ears and shout, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

I have threatened to throw out the red plate but the children break down into tears every time. They weep and say, "No daddy, please do not throw away the red plate. I NEVER get to have the red plate. Please *sob* don't *sob* throw *gasp* it away."

It must be possessed by evil spirits to cause this reaction.

It is just a red plastic plate. We have a blue, green, yellow, light blue, orange and white plastic plates and none of them cause this reaction from the young ones. Just the red plate.

I will pay top dollar for the exorcism. If you do a good job there are a few other items I will need to have the demons removed from; like the silver scooter (not the blue one), an orange plastic bat (the yellow one does not seem evil), the Nerf-like rocket launcher (the other one broke), the garden hose (when washing a car but it does not seem evil when watering the plants) and any last grape, last strawberry, last marshmallow or last juice box we have in the house at any given time. All these items cause the same reaction.

Only experienced people need apply.

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What is possessed in your home?


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The winner of the 5 packs of Huggie Little Mover's (post from last week) is Pam. The winner of the new diaper bag is Tara Wilburn. Both winner were randomly chosen. Thanks to everyone who commented.

April from April's Reign interviewed me for a blog post on her blog. It is kind of long but it was fun. (that's what she said).

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Puhes was e name of my fork back in the day.

Anonymous said...

Putches

handstowar said...

Tom Beregeron of America's Funniest Home Videos. Every time it's on she won't blink. Once its off she goes balistic. In fact, Tom may just be the antichrist

Jibberblog said...

can you not just get a second red plate?

Melinda said...

Suggestion...decal' Barbie' on the red plate. Let's see who wants the red plate now.

Mainline Mom said...

The green cup. The Yuengling blanket. The Little Tykes shopping cart.

ToadyJoe said...

You know, do you not, that they'll still be arguing over that damn plate at: a) your funeral, b) their weddings, and/or c) when they go off to college. Also, it is no good buying a second red plate. Then they'll argue over who gets the NEW red plate vs. who gets the OLD red plate. There is no winning, here. :)

Anonymous said...

Get rid of it! No need to tell the children. It just disappeared! The 'possessed' plate disappeared! Then they can start to argue over the blue plate. I loved Melinda's response about the Barbie decal. That was great! Don't you remember having your favorite spoon or glass? It happens in all families. I still look for my favorite spoon for mixing, or my favorite glass for Iced tea only. we are weird!

inklenaomi said...

the decorated spoon.
curse you decorated spoon!

SciFi Dad said...

I agree with the notion of acquiring a second red plate, and if that isn't possible, then a sudden disappearance would probably do the trick.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Smash the plate in front of them with possesed looking eyes and shout it's OVER now! (This is only after the demon has moved from the plate to you of course.)

Or, find another plate.

Karen said...

why don't you just buy ANTOHER RED PLATE??

Laura said...

Buy 2 more red plates. Jackson will express an interest in it soon. Oh, better yet, you use the red plate every time.

Anonymous said...

William... you don't have to put out the red plate.

Those days are over.
You don't have to sell your body to .....

CrazyLovesCompany said...

Great pic in your last post. As for the red plate, it would be absolutely horrible if it just went missing one day.

Anonymous said...

The dang plastic fish bowl. Shaped like a fish, complete with fin and very colorful. My 18 year old, yes I said 18, still glares at her young cousins every time they come over and have the audacity to use the bowl....
It took until she was 15 for her to abide by my rule, "the youngest gets to use the damn bowl." but she still finds that very unfair! ;)
Come to think of it why do I have a 18 year old plastic bowl in the cupboard anyway? Guess I'm attached too!

Michelle said...

in our house it's the pink plate. And who is fighting over it? An eight year old and a 2 year old. Seriously. And eight year old need to have a pink plasic plate, why???

Mamma Sarah said...

This totally made me laugh out loud. I think you should use the plate all the time. Our house it's everything the kids fight over. If one has it the other wants it... just part of that struggle of life I guess.

Erin said...

The task of retrieving the dog from his crate in the basement when we return home is possessed around here. Woe unto you who forgets which child did the retrieving on the last homecoming. It's almost enough to make me want to take the dog retrieval task back. Almost.

kcinnova said...

Dude, you cannot win this one. Someday it will break. Maybe. In the meantime, how about a calendar-style chart for taking turns? Or only use it for serving food family-style (sliced apples on the plate for everyone to share)?

My 19yo gets a little irritated if someone else uses his Thomas the Tank Engine cereal bowl. Yes, 19 years old.

Use my hand-carved wooden mixing spoon and I will shoot daggers at you with my eyes. And do not, I repeat DO NOT attempt to wash it! You will be doing it WRONG. Guaranteed.

Bonnie said...

In our house it is the pink cup. Tears are shed by my own daughter and every one of her friends who visits over this stupid pink cup.