Sunday, September 07, 2008

Honey

If you were sent to Sam's Club to pick up 5 lbs of honey, what aisle at Sam's do you think the honey would located?

The aisle marked cereal?

The aisle marked peanut butter and jelly?

The aisle marked spices and sugar?

The aisle marked condiments?

Or the aisle marked tea?


If you were sent to Sam's Club, to get honey, and you were already there for, like forever, and you ask the 90 year old lady wearing a hairnet and plastic gloves, who works at Sam's handing out samples of mint jelly, for assistance in locating the honey and the conversation goes like this:

Me: Excuse me. I am looking for honey.

Her: You are looking for a honey?

Me: No. Just. Honey.

Her: Well if it was A honey. You found one right here.

Do you pretend to flirt with her just so she will direct you to the correct aisle that much quicker?

24 comments:

SciFi Dad said...

Shudder.

I pretend to swat imaginary flies from my head - ala Rain Man - and wander off, hoping to find less creepy assistance in my quest for honey.

btw: my guess would be the PB&J aisle.

Nilbo said...

I would be thunderstruck by the sudden realization that I have tragically reached the stage of life where the only women who hit on me are elderly matrons trying to sell me samples of mint jelly. And I would cry.

But I'm sure you handled this blow with dignity. Oh, wait ... I didn't mean blow. Sorry. You didn't let her ... oh, William.

Anonymous said...

I plant a kiss on that woman like the kiss from A Princess Bride. Like the kiss from From Here to Eternity. If I like it I go back for seconds.

Papa Bradstein said...

I would retreat to Denny's, order some tea, steal all the honey packets that came with it, go home, call it a day, and then sit on the balcony, watching the sunset, sipping a beer, wondering who needs five pounds of honey and why?

gigglepotamus said...

I would flirt with her just because at 90 she's still got her sass...

Redhead Mommy said...

I do believe I happened across said 5lb of honey the other day. I want to say it was in with the baking stuff. We were picking up our flat of canned evaporated milk (we use it in coffee).

As for the overly nice Sam's woman...run away, as fast as you can.

Ali said...

LMAO!!

nikkirae said...

That's hilarious.

Blink and say "Nevermind" and then run just like Redhead Mommy said.

joanna said...

FIVE POUNDS of honey? I'm thinking the sugar & spices aisle. Do I get a prize if I guessed right?

Anonymous said...

Clean up in Aisle 5!

teri said...

Bill, I often go to the store (Wegman's, Home Depot, etc.), stand there and say "if I was ____, where would I be". Then I proceed to go to the 5 aisles I think it would be in.

I have to, once again, agree with your wife regarding the old lady.

Ra-Ra-Ra-Rachel said...

You know what. I'm going to need to move up to where you are ... I never have hilarious "gems" to report back on after a day at Sam's!

And yeah, I hope you flirted to get your freaking honey!

I think it's on the Peanut Butter & Jelly Aisle???

littlebluerambler said...

oh, go ahead and flirt, some old ladies like to tease young men. they seem to know if it will annoy them and go for it. And if my mom was any indication, they just get increasingly incorrigable.

Tismee2 said...

Old ladies know how to play with you young men (wink). Bet she enjoys watching you squirm. LOL

Melinda said...

Question 1.) Jams and jelly aisle.

Question 2.) Oh give the funny gal a thrill! I am 54 but still feel like I am 17. At least her eye sight must be good if she is hitting on younger men!

cat said...

Dude. You totally met your soulmate handing out samples of mint jelly in the aisle at Sam's Club! Your OTHER HALF! I mean, with the SASS?! Seriously!

Of course, the timing could be better...

Oh, and I vote for the aisle marked peanut butter and jelly.

Stacie said...

I would think the peanut butter and jelly aisle, but I imagine it was on the sugar aisle. I don't flirt. not with cute boys, not with 90 year old ladies. I just leads to disaster. I don't know how to do it right and it just leads to disaster. I'd rather walk every single aisle 20 times than flirt...

Stacie

Suz said...

Im a new reader to Poop and Boogies and getting closer all the time to the 90 yr old's stage in life. I say, give the old girl a thrill and flirt a little. You made her day, and as a bonus it gave you a blog post. A twofer.

Suz

CrackerJacks said...

I would have to say with the PB&J. Right? And yes, I would do a little flirting to make them move faster so that I could get out of there after searching for the honey for.ever!

sari said...

There isn't less creepy assistance at Sam's Club, no matter which one you visit.

JP said...

I would've played along and had some fun. Then, I'd go back to clueless browsing through the aisles until I found the honey.

kalki said...

ARGH. I hate when I can't find some random item at the grocery store. I'm guessing the peanut butter aisle?

I hope I'm that spunky at that age.

AirmanMom said...

love this story!

~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

Leann I Am said...

The 5-lb container of honey is smack-dab betweem the peanut butter and the maple syrup. (I go through a lot of honey and practically live at Sam's Club!)

Isn't it at least nice to know you have options???

*giggle*