ME: Did you blow Bubbles when you were younger?
You: Yeah.
ME: I just saw him and he was asking about you.
This is one of my favorite jokes. It is kind of like when someone says, "Give me a hand?" and you clap. Annoying yet funny. I don't know why but it is. Every so often I try the bubbles joke. It has been a while.
This weekend Lauren kind of used it on me. I took a sip of soda and it went down the wrong pipe. I started choking and wheezing. Lauren asked if I was okay and I responded the best I could spitting out the words. "Bubbles,..(cough)...went down...my..(cough).. throat..the wrong way."
Without offering me assistance or sympathy, Lauren said "Oh Yeah. I just saw him and he looked happy to me."
I hate it when my jokes backfire.
Do you have any jokes? What are your old stand-bys?
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26 comments:
I hate when that happens! My old stand-by's are when my kids say "I'm hungry or I'm thirsty" and I reply with a handshake and say "I'm mom, nice to meet you" or "I'm Michelle, nice to meet you"...kinda lame, huh?
hahahaha
go Lauren!
one common joke when I was growing up was
Effie "Hey, Dad..."
Dad: "Straw, Effie!"
or "Never assume, because when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME"
"Got a match?"
"Yeah, my ass and your face."
"What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?" "DAMN!" Four year old boys seems to especially like this one as it allows them to cuss. It always cracks me up.
I personally LOVE stupid jokes - they crack me up!
My personal fav - especially when told to your 8 year old when they are learning about different Kingdoms in Science class....
A mushroom walks into (supposed to be bar - but I changed it to Pizza Parlor) and the owner says
"Hey - get outta here - we don't serve YOUR kind here."
Mushroom replies - "Why not? - I'm a fun guy!(fungi)
Never seems to get old to me. And seeing your daughter come home and retell it to her father as she explains the hysterical laughter from her teacher when she told it in class - classic.
And yes - I am well aware that i promoting her to be Class Clown. It's ok with me. That's what we need more of in this world - Unabashed Laughter.
The boys have been working the "Is that your face or did your neck throw up?" insult / joke pretty heavily on each other the past few weeks. It's not funny to me, but...
One of Loverman's favorites is to refer to someone as a "dickfor." This is a joke that requires patience. He said this around me for several weeks until I finally asked, "What's a 'dickfor' anyway?" The punchline is just a smug look with raised eyebrows, which causes you to realize what you just said.
My hubby loves, loves, loves to use the "You know what?" "Chicken butt" joke on me all the time....pfffffft! One day...I will get him back for all the heckling...one day.
Me: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You: I don't know
Me: You neek up on it (unique/sneek)
Me: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
You: I don't know
Me: Tame way, you neek up on it.
My mother in law is Okinawan. She looked at me completely straight faces as I was laughing my fool head off and said to me "Is that funny?"
Of course everyone else howled...they're all sick of my jokes.
2 and a half hours later, I kid you not, my MIL starts laughing hysterically. It took her that long to get the joke. She patted me on the back and asked if I had anymore.
sigh...
Q: Why do fish swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why is Charlie Brown bald?
BECAUSE HE HAS NO HAIR!
OMG. That took me WAY TOO LONG to get. Good grief.
I burst out laughing reading Stacie's comment! neek up on it... wow.
This reminds me of The Office and Michael always saying "That's what she said..."
I get my lamest one liners from my dad.
"Wow it's really coming down out there!"
"Hey when it starts going up, let me know!"
"Did you get your hair cut?"
"No I got 'em all cut!"
My husband loves when any one around him says, "Oh God!" and he ALWAYS responds, "You can call me Dan."
What do you tell a woman with no arms and no legs?
Nice Boobs!
Someone: Wow! You're an attorney?
Me: Yeah, I'm a recovering attorney. It's a 12-step program... one day at a time. Wish me luck?
Just the other day, grandson Kyle says to me,"Mama, your pretty!" I turned to thank him, and he laughed and said,"pretty ugly". Broke my heart, but I laughed and laughed, he got me. So I in turn said, "Kyle does your face hurt?" He said 'no' so I said, "It's killing me!" then he laughed and laughed. Maybe he'll use that one on his other grandmother.:)
not really a joke, more a snark
"hey you wanna do me a favor?"
"no."
Here's a good one. My kids are fond of 'what if-ing' us to death. When their 'what ifs' take a turn for the ridiculous, my husband grows weary and says, "What if monkeys flew out of my butt?"
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
I never get tired of "Hey, look under there." Clare likes it...but she'll probably mature past me soon too.
"Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks."
And then there are always the no arms/legs jokes. Russel, Matt, Bob...
Pete and Repeat were in a boat...
We used to have neighbors named Pete and Pete Jr. Hubby made me stop calling them Pete and Re-Pete when Punkin started learning to talk (so she wouldn't repeat Re-Pete to them)
Oh man! I was eating my lunch and almost choked on my applesauce at the bubbles thing!
My favorite little dumb joke is -
How do you make a kleenex dance?
You blow a little boogie in it.
I have 2 faves...
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Cuz 7 8(ate) 9
And...a cricket walks into a bar, bartender says "Hey, we got a drink named after you." Cricket says, " You got a drink named Charlie?"(can use any name)
They crack me up everytime!
Love the chicken butt too altho it doesn't work on my husband anymore, J wore it out :)
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