Senseless

I was standing in the middle of Home Depot, like I do every weekend, trying to figure out the best type of weed and feed to get for my yard. I was actually out in the garden center at the corner where the shelves of this-and-that end, and the sea of table tops on cinder blocks covered in plants begins. I was facing the shelves with my back to the aisles-upon-aisles of various plants. Maxfield was standing on the ladder that clearly stated "employees only". A woman wearing the Home Depot orange approached and I hurried Max off the ladder in an effort to look like I was respecting the rules.

"Do you need help?" She asked. "He is okay on there as long as you got him." She said referring to the ladder.

"Yes. Actually I do. Thanks." I let Max climb the ladder as I held his hand. "I need a weed and feed that will also kill grubs and other insects. Do you have anything like that?"

She walked further up the aisle as she said something over her shoulder. I escorted Max from the ladder and started to follow the Home Depot Lady. Max stopped, he was fascinated with a bird feeder. I let him inspect the feeder as I followed the lady. The further I got down the row of fertilizers the further I was away from Max. He was too far away from my comfort zone and I called to him to catch up. Max ran up and grabbed my leg as the Home Depot Lady smiled at him. She realized that she walked us in the wrong direction and we headed back down the aisle towards the ladder, the birdfeeder and the rows upon rows of plants. She led us past the ladder, I could no longer "feel" Max at my 5 o'clock position. I stopped, looked, and saw he was at the birdfeeder. I called to him and he came running.

As he ran by, the Home Depot Lady said something about the type of granules I should use and she pointed to a bag and, and, and, and....as he ran BY?

"Did Max just run by me. " I thought, the Home Depot Lady was on her way to help another customer. I turned toward the direction Max was heading and I could not see him anywhere. All I saw was thousands of plants of various sizes and colors. My heart stopped.

"Max." I called out. "MAX." There was no reponse. "MAXFIELD ALEXANDRE." He does not know his middle name but I knew using it would make ME feel better. Still no reponse. I could not see over some of the tables of plants, into the next aisles, due to the size of the lush green leafy plants.

My head started spinning. "Ohmygodholyshit.Wherethefuckishe.Ohmygodholyshit. Hewasjustheretwofuckingsecondsago." I thought as I ran up the aisle I thought he was in.

My brain would not let up as I ran back and forth through every row. "Ohmygodholyshit.Wherethefuckishe. Not here. Holyshit he could run out into the parking lot from here and get hit by a truck. Oh fuck. Not in this row. He could get run over by a fork lift in here. Where the fuck is he? Oh Fuck a stack of paver stones could fall on him and crush him. Wherethe fuckishe? Holyshit. Someone could take him. Should I call 911?"

I stopped running. I called his name, first, middle and last, a few more times. My feet were cold. My fingers were numb.

I mentally tried to quiet my surroundings to see if I could hear his footsteps. "Shutthefuck up beep beep beep of the fork lift in the back, I am trying to listen for my son. Fucking Cash register is too loud at the front of the store. Could someone please fix that squeaky shopping cart. Someone needs to run out to the parking lot and tell people to stop pulling in here. Everybody needs to stop right fucking now. I have to tell someone to put the store in lock down. But if I take time to get someone Max may get hurt. My son is missing! What the?"

"Sir, Are you all right?" A woman asked, snapping me back to reality.

"No. I am looking for my two year old. He just ran through here." I muttered.

"What was he wearing?"

"What?" There was a ringing in my ears. "Holycrap I can't remember what he was wearing. why didn't I write it down when we left. Am I suppoed to know these thing? I guess so. I am his father. What the fuck was he wearing? Was it his red shirt? Maybe, but was it his red shirt with the white stripes or the blue stripes? Was it his red shirt at all? What the hell was he wearing?"

The lump in my throat and the dryness of my mouth made the word "RED" sound like a groan as it escaped my lips. The woman started to look for Max as I took off up another aisle. "How could he possibly be gone? He is fast but not that fast. I bet that weird dude I saw over in lighting department followed me out here and took him. Oh God. Where is he? Wait, was that a flash of red?"

I looked. "No. It was just the Poinsettias. Why does he have to be wearing red at Christmas time?"

I tunred a corner. "There, another flash of red. Or are my eyes playing tricks?" I ran to the next row. I looked. There was Max running down the row towards me. All smiling and playful.

"Little fucker". I thought. I picked him up, as all my senses came back to me. I gave him a hug and kiss as I scolded him.

I have been in many scarey situation in my life. Car accidents. Fist fights and brawls. Gunfire going over my head. But I have never been as scared as I was for those 90 seconds that Max was gone.