Thursday, November 16, 2006

Young Grasshoppers

In the event of my untimely death I know that Lauren would be able to raise the kids and that she would have the support and love of my family and hers to help her. I know that Maxfield’s and Wyatt’s Godparents (and Lauren) would see to them knowing about me and what I was like as a person. But part of me always thinks that there may be some lessons in life that I learned that may not get passed onto my kids. I have often tried to write them a letter, explaining to them how much I love them as well as trying to include tidbits of my limited wisdom but they always end up too mushy and sappy and I end up deleting the letters.

After much thought, I realized it would just be easier for me to write them a list of things that I think they should know and provide them with names of people that can help them out if the need arises, if I were to die early.

Max and Wyatt,

If you are reading this that means I am not around to teach you things that I think you should know. This will be a very long list but I am sure at some point in your life it will come in handy. Since I am not here to teach you these things I ask that you seek out these people to teach you.

Every boy/man should learn how to fish. I would recommend that you go to both PopPop and Uncle Pat. PopPop will teach you how to bait your hook, cast a line and how to catch a fish. Uncle Pat can teach you how to do all that with one hand so the other is free to hold a beer. If you want to actually catch fish, use Pop Pop’s method.

If you ever need a lawyer, call Uncle Dennis or Aunt Bridget McV. If you need legal assistance because you allegedly committed a crime call Aunt Bridget. She will not lecture you. If you are involved in a lawsuit call Uncle Dennis. He is an excellent attorney who dots all his “I”s and crosses all of his “T”s and could likely bore anyone into a settlement.

Always return your library books. Just ask your Uncle Moon.

Every Boy/man should learn not to gamble but at least HOW to gamble. I think the best teachers for this would be Uncle Tony (He is the bald Italian guy you see sometimes at holidays) for card games and Uncle Kevin for Dice. Uncle Tony will teach you about Chips, Steaks, and pots as well as chips, stakes and pots. Uncle Kevin may not know the odds on a Craps table but he knows how to hoot and holler like he is winning.

If either of you ever get into a jam that may require a more discrete but extreme solution or problem that no one else can help, I want you to call Dave C and Will D. They will know what to do. They are like the A-team but without the black Van. Plus they can teach you all about bourbon. They love it when a plan comes together.


I am sure I will be adding to this letter but it is all I have so far.

18 comments:

Wifey615 said...

I've been a lurker for a few weeks now, and I must say, this ranks right up there with the "best of poop & boogies" thus far.

You rock!

Teri said...

I agree with wifey615 but I always think the stuff you write about is funny and very honest.

I think the boys will appreciate your notes and suggestions.

What would happen, God forbid, if Lauren went first. Would the boys be doomed to hell because William can't figure things out?

I am a Milliner's Dream, a woman of many "hats"... said...

That is precious and poignant, while maintaining an air of humor. Hopefully, you can (figuratively) rip it up someday when the boys reach maturity and start telling YOU what to do (like mine do.)

Hh

Scottsdale Girl said...

Who will they go to when they are having "girl" issues. Cuz it ain't gonna be mom.

Effie said...

sounds like you've been thinking long and hard about this one!

Kami said...

Your boys will be so very well prepared!

Stacie said...

What a great post, I love this one.
Stacie

Platypus said...

Love the post William. It's something I think about a lot too because it's just me. I hope it's one letter they'll never have to read but it's beautiful anyway.

Mainline Mom said...

Very very good idea, writing such a letter!

eclectic said...

Silly William, just send 'em to your blog!

Laura said...

That's a great letter! Do you mind if I add your family to my will? I'm looking for new people to raise the kids in the event the worst happens.
;)

p.s. Add me to the list of those who heartily agree with wifey615. youbetcha!

Anonymous said...

I do not hoot.

kalki said...

I can't help but wonder if your thinking about the possibility of your untimely death has anything to do with the extreme amount of Kid's Crest Cavity Protection Sparkle Fun you've consumed...

kimmyk said...

I say let them have your blog. They will learn far more that way. About life and about you.

s@bd said...

love it.

(and can I get all those guys' numbers for my kids? you know, just in case?)

Lynilu said...

Great letter, but . . . you are so . . . so . . . MALE! What's wrong with a little sappy and mushy? No, never mind. I don't want to interrupt the flow of your world. Just don't add any grunts to that letter! ;-)

Susie said...

Oh my gosh. I started to leave, because I thought, "I can't read this, I can't start crying..." I'm glad I stayed. I didn't cry a bit. :)
I think about such things a lot these days. But I did even when LG was a toddler. I might post about that sometime.
This is great. Please continue the list. AND don't delete the mushy letters you write to them, even if you don't show them to us. I'm sure they're keepers, too.

whfropera said...

oh my gosh - I don't even have kids ad never will, but I absolutely loved this.

:)