Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Boris

You know the type of fear that causes the hair on the back of you neck to stand up and your feet to get numb and tingly? The type of fear which causes your legs to feel like rubber and you get chills down your neck and back? It is a true emotional reaction to something you see or hear or feel that you just can't shake, even though your body automatically shakes for you. The feeling is a combination of real fear and some phobia mixed up with a serious case of heebie jeebies. A fear that causes a mental, a physical and emotional reaction.

Well there are not too many things in this world that cause that reaction in me. I have a short list of that type of fear.
1. Lightning. I have tried to face this fear many times. Each time there is a storm I get better and better at dealing with the lightning. It still scares the shit out of me and I live in the lightning capital of the world.

2. Puerto Rican Joe. That his name. He was not Puerto Rican from what I could tell it was just what the other wanna be gangsters called him. He scared me.

3. Walking through a spider web. There is nothing that causes me to change into a panic stricken fool like feeling the invisible threads of a web being pulled through my eyelashes. If you ever walked face first into a web you know what I am talking about. Hours after you have clawed it off your face you can still feel the threads in your hair. I think the reason I fear this is because what is attached to the webs.
4. Spiders. I can't stand spiders. I don't like most critters or insects but I can deal with them. Spiders however, I do not mess with. Here are pictures of what I found in my back yard this weekend. I will stop doing the yardwork completely until this thing leaves. Lauren looked it up on the internet and it is not poisonous and actually gets rid of a lot of pest bugs. She will not kill it for me. I swear to you it was the biggest fucking spider I have ever seen in a real situation. From head to butt it was about two inches. In an effort to face my fears I took the pictures. It is a big fucking scary spider.





Look at it. It casts a frickin shadow. Spiders are not supposed to have shadows.

45 comments:

adam said...

I share your fear of spiders. Poisonous or not, that's a creepy looking creature. I probably wouldn't abandon my yardly duties entirely, but I would certainly go out of my way to avoid him.

Sharkey said...

Yeah, yeah, it's a spider. Whatever.

But look at the awesome photos you took!!! :)

Effie said...

I saw a spider JUST LIKE THAT at my house a couple of weeks ago--I swear its body was almost the size of a quarter!! And it was tiger-striped and WOW was the spider web big! Scary!

I too HATE HATE HATE walking through spider webs--and they tend to make big webs in the backyard--attaching from the car to the side of the carport or from the deck to the shed and I have started to wave my hands in front of me first to get rid of the webs! Blech! Reminds me of "Arachnophobia"--which totally freaked me out too!

Sandy said...

I damn near laughed out loud...not at you of course, but because I know exactly what you are talking about!

The good news is that I have had several of those kinds of spiders at my house...their life span is not very long...actually what you have is a female...and what'll happen is that after she puts out a couple of sacs (filled with gazillions of babies) she'll die. End of creepy spider...then the only problem you'll have is her babies...lol

Amanda said...

I agree with you they are not suppose to have shadows. I hate spiders.

We had the same spider in our back yard.

Teri said...

I'm with Lauren, just leave it alone, they are good at eating all the nasty bugs. You might have to adjust your yard work area if need be.

My friend who lives in Florida mentioned the "wolf spider" to me at one point. He said you could hear that thing walk across the carpet. ICK!!!!!!!!

I wonder if Momo9 is embarrased that she raised such sissy boys who are scares of dogs and bugs???

Karen said...

This is a Golden Garden Spider.... they eat all sorts of other nasty bugs. Charlotte of Charlotte's Web was based on this type of spider. Not poisonous, and won't even bite unless provoked. Very cool looking.

If I walked thru it's sticky nasty web, I would so totally freak out.

s@bd said...

unless they're spider man ...

MetroDad said...

Dude, that thing scares the crap out of me. I freaking HATE spiders. Also cockroaches. You haven't lived (or peed your pants) unless you've seen a giant NYC cockroach. They could eat those spiders for breakfast.

Kami said...

BILL! HOLY CRAP. I think it moved to your house from my house.

See here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dallasks/sets/72157594309382005/

Rude Cactus said...

Dude. You posted pictures of spiders. I hate spiders. That wasn't nice, man ! :-)

Lowa said...

I can't relate to this at all, but I am can be empathetic. I am an empathetic person. I am sorry you are so scared. And the lightening? Man, that SUCKS. I LOVE lightening!

I think that spider looks COOL! I would not want it as a pet or anything, but it wouldn't bother me. Interesting how different we all are. Walking through spider webs only mildly irritates me, it is not a big deal to me.

The only spider that creeps me out a bit are tarantulas. I mean COME ON! You could braid the hair on those things, not to mention the size. CRAZY!!

My seven year old reads all about spiders and bugs all the time and I bet if I showed him these pictures, he would tell me what kind, without looking it up in one of his many books. I know people on here have already told us the kind, I am just saying, my 7 year old could also. He LOVES spiders:)Thanks for the photos, it will thrill him!

jaj said...

NASTY! I walked through a spider web a few weeks ago while trimming bushes, and it's all I can do to walk in that area of the yard again.

Anonymous said...

To Little Miss Muffet,

Use a walking stick.

Jewl said...

Creepy... we have had to kill several black widows over the past few weeks in our backyard for fear of what they might do to Em while playing. I hate them!!

A Fan of this Blog said...

We live in Ohio, my cousin had one of these in his yard...he fed it raw hamburger!

Anonymous said...

I just shuddered at those photos. HATE spiders!

bbsgirl said...

I'm not normally "afraid" of spiders, but if I walked into the web for THAT THING...I'd be freaked out tooo!!!

Circus Kelli said...

Ew ew ew ew ew ew

We saw a spider like that when we were in Hawaii once. When we got close to the web, the spider actually started SHAKING THE WEB.

Bleh *shudder*

Platypus said...

When I scrolled to the pictures they actually made me shiver. I hate spiders too but thankfully we don't have any that can actually do anything like you guys do. I mean, effie and jewl - that's just wrong!!! I loved Charlotte's Web but I'm not liking that beast and one of the main reasons my back garden is so badly in need of mowing is the big spider that's attached to my hedge and the washing line. I'd steer well clear!

Cass said...

I think it's an orb spinner. We have enormous ones here in Australia. I'm scared of spiders but, at the same time, I can't look away. They're pretty cool.

My sister once had a spider infestation in her lawn. Now THAT was scary...

The Bents said...

As terrified of spiders as I am too (actually, I'm terrified of all bugs, insects, or pretty much anything that crawls), that was a great picture of one! But it's easy for me to say since I'm not right there with that humongous thing!! LOL

Michael Manning said...

Spiders are underestimated--nothing to fool with. Maybe that's why a girlfriend of mine srategically dropped a stack of encyclopedias on a spider TWICE (to be safe).

becky said...

holy CRAP!!! i would have died right there on the spot that is a BIG spider

SoozieQ said...

Are you trying to kill me? SERIOUSLY! I once was taking a picture of a GIANT Tarantula and I kept shaking and dry heaving. The Hubs thought it was funny, me...not so much

Jillian said...

Garden Spider. Totally non-poisonous and non-harmful, just big and damn scary.

kittenpie said...

I am so with you on the Spiders. They creep me the fuck out. I had one of those huge stripey garden spiders in my backyard last year too and had an uneasy truce with it whereby if it blocked my path to the cellar, I'd break the anchor strands of its web to get it out of my way and it eventually rebuilt a little to the side.

Anonymous said...

PuertoRican Joe dressed up for Halloween as Spiderman

Anonymous said...

I'm with you on walking through the spider web thing...but you haven't been scared until something that size is walking up your chest, then stands back to climb up on your face...and people had the nerve to look at me like I was crazy jumping around like a lunatic, till it hit the floor...THEN THEY ALL STEPPED BACK!

Mich said...

Good lord - if you lived closer, I'd send SS Dad to kill it for you. Yuck. Nothing worse than a big old scary spider! Maybe you should put your house on the market???

Keri said...

Oooh, the pictures are GREAT! It really captures the essence of the spider but you don't need to know that. ;) It looks like a banana spider...is that what it is?

Charlie Blockhead said...

I'm not too sure that's a spider. If I were you I'd be looking around for the space ship it landed in.

Laura said...

William! If you're gonna live in Florida, you've gotta get used to the spiders! ;)
Or not. I just sort of avoid them...

Mainline Mom said...

Yeah I'm kind of afraid of spiders. But I TOO have learned the trick of facing your fears by taking tons of macro shots of them!! Great photos!! Check out my Flickr for the tarantula I found in my garage last night!! It's HUGE.

Ortizzle said...

Oh, geez, that is a freakin' big spider. I would have stopped mowing the lawn, too.

Biggest arachnid I ever saw was a real, no-kidding, tarantula, fuzzy hairs and all. About the size of my hand. Sittin' on the wall of a cabin. Somebody later told me that those suckers will JUMP off of walls. And onto... people. It was years before that nightmare went away.

JP said...

Dude, that thing is like from that arachnaphobia movie. I wouldn't go near it for fear of being paralyzed and twitching on the floor. I remember this one woman from a High School job I did who had a pet tarantula and she showed me its molted shell. I almost lost it right there

stepblog said...

Wow, I can't believe how many fraidy cats read your blog.

That's a garden spider and it's gorgeous. We had quite a lot of them in our yard this year, which delighted me. Don't be scared. For fun, try throwing something a little big into its web (like a big leaf) and watch it start shaking the Web to get it out of there. Embrace your eight-legged friend, William.

Jem said...

I'm scared of cockroaches etc. Theres a spider right above my pillow right now, just a daddy long legs, but I would probably still sleep with it there, thats how used to thm I've gotten. But cockroaches scare the HELL out of me, especially since I found one on my toe once. We have so many in my house. I saw one on my friends neck once and I couldn't help her, I just ran.

susie said...

That is a scary fucking spider! AND GROSS! I might have thrown up if I saw it. I definitely would have gotten the heebies for like a week.

GypsyMommy said...

Florida spiders are evil creatures.

When I first moved to Florida, I got out of the shower to see a ginormous wolf spider in the corner. I thought it was fake, so laughed at my roomie... it moved. I screamed. And screamed. And screamed some more. It was blocking the door, so I was trapped in the bathroom with this thing. I nearly back my bags and moved back up north.

momo9 said...

One day, a long time ago, you were a super hero! What happened to that man? Yes "TERI", I am embarrassed! L. W. afraid of dogs and William afraid of Bugs! Their father is not afraid of either one. He's my hero. He kills the bugs for me. That spider in the pic, may be too pretty to kill! I like seeing him at a distance! Come on, William get some courage! Get some therapy!

Linda and Denny said...

Looking closely at the first picture it appears that the spider has written "William" at the top of the web. Does that mean something? Something nasty in your future? Hmm...kidding.

Katherine said...

Hi, here from "Truths and Half Truths." I'm really enjoying your posts - quite entertaining! Except the spider pic scared the crap outta me, thanks so much.

Heather said...

I share your fear of spiders. I was bitten the Friday prior to my wedding last year. The Sunday after the wedding I went to urgent care. I ended up on antibiotics every 6 hours for two weeks plus they gave me a steroid shot and a tetanus shot because I couldn't remember when I had my last one. We still have no idea what type of spider bit me we just know that it was bad. The doctor kept saying over and over, "it is so good that you came in". That alone gives me reason to stay away from the darn things and have my husband kill them on a regular basis. Kudos for being brave enough to photograph this one…I would have ran in the other direction and not come home until it was dead.

kalki said...

We have garden spiders like this all over the place in the summer. Whenever I'm weeding and I come upon one, I make Rob move it before I'll continue. He's not afraid of them, but he's not exaclty fond of them either - he moves them with a shovel. A shovel with a long handle.