Friday, July 21, 2006

Terrible T.O.'s

Last night I am sitting in the Barnes and Noble children’s area watching Max play with the Thomas the train set. I was in a mood. Not a good mood, not a bad mood, just one of those moods. There were two other kids there with their fathers and we were exchanging the normal small talk of “How old is your son?” and “Terrible twos and sharing” and “blah blah blah.”

Dad #1 started discussing the Thomas the train videos and how much his son loves them to Dad #2. The other dad was clueless to the Thomas videos. His son has never seen them and really isn’t into the train thing. Dad #1 was saying how he thinks Dad #2’s son would probably like them because they are simple yet interesting and how George Carlin is the voice on most of the tapes. Dad # 2 seemed interested.

It was at this point that I had to speak up. “Just because Carlin is doing the voice it does not make them funny. And quite frankly I don’t think the videos actually have much to offer kids. Sure I let my son play with the trains but I don’t want him picking upon the how the trains treat each other on the videos.”

“How is that?” Said Dad #1.

“They just aren’t nice to each other.” I responded.

“What do you mean?” Said Dad #2.

“Well, I can’t point out specifics but I have seen many of the videos and well the trains are just, how do I say this? The trains just treat each other… they are selfish and mean…they just. All of the trains are D-I-C-K-H-E-A-D-S.”

Both dads looked at me while they computed what I had spelled out. Dad # 1 nodded his head in agreement and said, “I see what you mean.”

The conversation switched to where we each are from and I mentioned Philly. Dad #1 started talking about the Eagles and how they lost T.O. to Dallas. He was a Dallas fan. I explained that the Eagles didn’t lose T.O. but they got rid of him. I told him that I thought he was an exceptional player but that the Eagles were better off with out him. Dad #1 then mentioned that Dallas has such a great team this year and blah blah bah. That T.O. is just misunderstood.

“Misunderstood?” I said. “There is no misunderstanding about it. I think he is a great player but he is not a team player.”

“What do you mean?” Dad #1 said.

“What I mean is …how do I say this…I think T.O. is an A-S-S-H-O-L-E. He was one before the Eagles and he is one after the Eagles.” I watched as both dads computed in their heads what I had just spelled out. Dad #2 nodded his head in agreement.

“Basically” I said, “I think he watched too many Thomas videos growing up.”

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are F-U-N-N-Y. How long till the dads grabbed thier kids arma and said Let's Go? Let's get away from the M-O-O-D-Y Dad.

EveryRosetta said...

T.O is the biggest A-S-S-H-O-L-E in the NFL. As an Eagles fan stuck in TX, I hope to see him crash and burn this year.

LoisLane said...

Enjoy the spelling things out while you can - it won't last very long. ;)

barry said...

Post-of-the-month without a doubt. you have a gift, William. You've only begun to discover your power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

Anonymous said...

William,

I think you should write childrens stories for Dads to read to thier children under 3. Instead of popups the dads could insert the spelling of such words. Example... Hansel and Gretl (who was a H-O-T-T-I-E). They went to the house and the lady was a B-I-T-C-H etc.

stepblog said...

Dad #1 and Dad #2 clearly didn't know who they were dealing with when they started their I-N-N-O-C-U-O-U-S conversation. Dad #3 is V-E-R-Y comfortable voicing his O-P-I-N-I-O-N-S. I love anonymous's idea.

Speaking of the Eagles, is anyone else excited about the new movie coming about Vince Papale? I got choked up during the preview (I'm a soft touch).

Cat said...

You know, J-E-R-K is much shorter. Makes things much easier on your listening public. I would have been all, "Wait. They're dictators? What?"

Anyhoos, you = H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!

OddMix said...

I laughed at this post... out loud... at work. Too freaking funny.

I refuse to let my kids watch about half the "kids shows" on tv because the all act like D-I-C-K-H-E-A-D-S.

MetroDad said...

Bill...I thought you weren't allowed to speak to strangers anymore!

Just kidding. I totally agree with you on T.O. Plus, I think he's going to be a nightmare for Parcells when Dallas starts losing this year.

TBG said...

There is much Thomas Mania in my family. They have everything Thomas. I will say those trains are quite cheeky as they put it. They are down right rude and Sir Topem Hat well he is another ass telling the trains that they are so useful, and is mad at them when they arent!

Ok way too much thomas in my brain I am going to do a post about that check in later I will do a post about the thomas mania!

Circus Kelli said...

Hee hee

Betti said...

Bravo! *applause*
A rant like that belongs on a stage.

Nilbo said...

Well played, my friend - a lovely story, nicely executed. (Applause)

Mainline Mom said...

H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S. You are so right about T.O., obviously. Too bad for Dallas. Nate likes Thomas toys, but not Thomas videos. Guess that's a good thing.

lawnwhisperer said...

Poor Max and Wyatt. If they can't even watch a Thomas video, which are completely innocent videos. I quess they will never have X-Box. Poor kids. I thought that William wrote this blog, not Dennis.

Stacie said...

Hilarious! stacie

Michael said...

I have one Thomas video and I noticed how they are mean to each other.
I want my boy to see that not everyone gets along. It always turns out good at the end.
T.O. is the bomb and Dallas is going to roll the Birds twice this year. I guess the Birds will be better off without him. How many wins is better off? 4

LoriSchuster said...

That may very well be the last time either one of those dads strike up a conversation in the children's area. I'm envious though...I always THINK things but don't have the B-A-L-L-S (I know it's getting redundant) to say anything. This was very, very funny. I needed a laugh today!

Lowa said...

My kids never liked Thomas. Or trains. We left it that way.

And yes, at LEAST half the "kid" shows AND movies around now are totally wrong and inappropriate.

Dunno who the T.O. dude is that you guys refer to. But yes, I have seen the Preview for that football movie with Mark Wahlberg (sp??) coming out and it chokes me up too. I can't wait to see it, and I despise football. But I love any sports movies.

Mich said...

Makes me glad I've got girls - well, except for Bratz and My Scene Barbies, aka Hookers & Tramps.

susie said...

I never thought Tom was very nice to Jerry or that that Donald Duck was very nice either. But I didn't grow up to be a good speller like you either.

The Thomas trains are all constipated - just look at their faces. They act like kids - making snarky comments and taunting each other. Then they get in trouble or it comes back to bite them in the A-S-S. Sounds like the playground to me! Might as well let Liam learn the ropes! Besides he's really just about anything with wheels and the trains fit the bill.

At least they don't run each other into walls or drop anvils on each other.

Kami said...

Let me just say that the Thomas videos S-U-C-K.

kalki said...

I love this story. And it's good to be back - I missed you!