A long post about nothing really.

I am married again. Lauren bought me a new wedding ring for our anniversary. She gave me the ring last week but it did not fit. I needed to get a bigger size because you know what they say the bigger the finger...the bigger the..., well you know...the bigger the ring size. So last night we packed up the family and headed to the mall to exchange the ring.

At the mall Lauren took Maxfield to the book store while I took Wyatt to the jewelry store to exchange the ring. "Hi. Can I help you?" Said the lady behind the shiny glass case.

"Yes." I said. "I need to exchange this ring for a bigger size. I think this is a size 10 and I need either an 11 or maybe even bigger."

"Do you know your ring size?"

"No. Do you have something I can try on? So I can figure that out."

She handed me a giant "ring ring". I would have said "Key ring" but it was actually a ring with a bunch of rings on it. While I figured out what size I needed the girl behind the counter took my reciept and started to process the exchange.

" That will be $40.00" She said.

"For what?" I asked.

"For re-sizing the ring."

" I don't want it re-sized. I want to exchange it for a bigger ring?"

"We do not have a bigger ring in stock and that would be a special order which could take a couple of weeks."

"I can wait. I will hold onto the receipt and you order the new ring and when it comes in I will exchange it. "

"I can't do that. The only thing I can do is re-size that one."

"Okay, what if I came in and wanted to order this type of ring in size 11, would it be more expensive?"

"No."

"But since the ring was already purchased it is more expensive to get it in the right size?"

"Yes."

"What if I wanted to return the ring, could I do that and a full refund?"

"Yes."

"Okay. And If I did that and then ordered this ring in the right size it would NOT cost me the extra $40.00, is that right?"

"Right."

"I just want to return the ring and get a refund."

"Do you want to order the size 11?"

"No. I just want to return the ring and I will get another ring somewhere else. I am totally confused by the whole extra forty bucks thing. It does not make sense."

She would not let me return the ring because Lauren used her credit card. I went down to the book store and explained everything to Lauren. I stayed with Max and she took Wyatt to return the ring. We agreed that Max and I would wait at the book store unitl Lauren got back and then we would all go to a different jewelry store.

I was sitting in the children's section reading to Max when a woman who worked there approached us and told me how "Precious" Max is. We get this a lot. Almost everytime we are in public women will tell us how cute Max is. That he has beautiful eyes or a cute smile. Max usually flirts right back.

At some point Max decided, as he usually does in a book store, that it was time to poop. The smell was awful. I could'nt change him because Lauren had the diaper bag. With my eyes watering I anxiuosly waited for Lauren to return. When she finally returned I told her I needed to change Max. She looked in the diaper bag and realized we never packed diapers for him for our trip. She figured we were not going to be out that long and it would not matter. I told her I would hurry at the next jewelry store so we could get home and change Max.

As we walked down the mall you could almost see the smell emnating from Max's backside. It was like walking with Pepe Le Pue. The older ladies would stop to admire his eyes and they would get a whiff of him and they would run off. I entered the next jewelry store and apologized about my son stinking up the store. I quickly found the style of ring I wanted and asked to order it in a size 11. The one in the showcase was an 11 and a half. I took it because I felt bad that we stunk up the place. I asked the clerk to bless the ring since it was my new wedding ring. We took the ring and headed home.

I told Lauren that I got the half size bigger.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I wantred it tight enough that it wouldn'e fall off but I wanted it lose enough that I have some room to get fatter fingers without cutting off the circulation."

"You getting fatter should not be a goal of yours. What am I going to do with you?"