I was at my friend JT's house the other night when he told me this story. The hows and why of him telling me this story are also funny but not as funny as the actual story. I will do my best to tell the story accurately but I may embellish a bit so it makes sense.
A long time ago JT had his first baby and he was discussing the whole diaper changing situation with his brother DP. DP started talking about how awesome baby wipes are for cleaning almost everything. Now DP's kid was little older than JT's kid and DP kept wipes in his bathroom for potty training purposes. DP then told JT that he uses baby wipes on himself when he has a hard time cleaning himself after, well, using the toilet.
"You know how sometimes, after you go, you just don't feel like you are getting your butt completely clean?" DP said to JT. "I use a baby wipe and I feel so much better."
Yes, guys, especially brothers who at one point shared a bathroom, do talk about bathroom habits, the good, the bad, the ugly.
JT made a mental note of this bit of fatherly/brotherly advice.
A few weeks later JT used the bathroom and did not feel like toilet paper was doing a good enough job. He noticed that his wife left a new container of wipes in the bathroom and so he decided to try DP's advice. He opened the container of wipes and wiped himself. He immediately felt an intense burning sensation that did not subside for a few minutes. The pain was so bad that his forehead started to sweat. JT thought to himself, "WOW! DP must be a serious trooper or really need to feel clean to go through this kind of pain." JT never considered that the wipes could cause a baby pain.
Later that night JT's wife asked JT if he opened the wipes in the bathroom. He told her that he did.
"What did you use them for?" she asked.
JT felt a little weird but then told her about his conversation with DP and that he used the new wipes to clean his own butt.
Of course, she most likely fell into a fit of laughter, because the wipes she left in the bathroom were Lysol Disenfectant Cleaning Wipes. With Bleach!