Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Spirits of Christmas

Spirit of Christmas Past

Hard Wear



Greatest Gift


Spirit of Christmas Present

Last year Lauren trash picked some wicker rein deer. They were covered in Christmas lights and they seemed cute. She thought they would be great for our yard for our Christmas decorations for this year. That Lauren, she is always thinking ahead. I stored the wicker light covered reindeer in the garage for 6 months. I got tired of moving them every time I needed to use the mower that I eventually move the deer to the attic.

Our attic was/is packed with junk and the reindeer were jammed between an old pool table and some fireplace equipment and covered by a musty mattress. Once the holiday season arrived I took out the deer and put them in the front of our house. I did not plan to do too much with lights and I figured they would work for one year. I plugged them in with some other lights that I hung on the bushes and fence, only to find that half the lights on the deer were not working. I didn't care. I stood the deer next to a bush and was happy to have just half a lit reindeer.

The deer wouldn't stay up. Being crushed in my attic had caused the wicker legs to warp in a way that prevented them from standing straight. They kind of leaned bit. In an awkward way. Lauren called them stroke patient deer. Then two of the sets of lights I hung on the bushes went out. They were indoor lights and could not take the cold temps. Our house became a ghetto Christmas house.

Our next door neighbor asked Lauren if she wanted help fixing the deer and the lights.You know your Christmas decorations are bad when your neighbor volunteers to help you make them look nice. That means he was embarrassed for us and for himself and wanted to keep the property value up. Lauren declined his help. That night my brother Jim called me from his cell phone. He was out driving through neighborhoods with his family looking at lights. He laughed and mocked my decorating.


Spirit of Christmas Future

Both Wyatt and Maxfield asked for the I-chip for Christmas. I just can't believe that they can make an MP3 player that holds 50,000 songs the size of a thumbtack. I told them both that I would take them to have the I-chips implanted at the Piercing Pagoda. I told Max he could drive so he can get some hours in under his learner's permit. He is going to be in for a rude awakening when he has to pay for his own solar power for the car. I can't believe the price for an hour of sun is now up to 3 bucks.


Merry Christmas Everybody.

22 comments:

kcinnova said...

Ha! Re-bar and/or tent stakes will help the deer. My dh always says he is going to restring the lights, but I'm about to put that poor deer out for some sucker who comes a-junking. (Now you know why the last guy got rid of it!)

Your Christmas past stories cracked.me.up.

Anonymous said...

Now I lay me down to sleep...
Pray the lord my deer to keep.

littlebluerambler said...

Thank heavens for somebody with worse decorations than ours. We once had a Marie Antoinette beheaded flamingo. Have a happy!

kalki said...

I have to say, that photo looks like a crime scene. Or maybe some hunter accidentally shot Rudolph.

Tari said...

At least you put them up my half lit raindeer are still hiding in the garage.

SciFi Dad said...

Methinks one too many egg nogs were had at the P&B house last night.

Also? $3 per hour for sun is CHEAP dude. You should see Canadian prices.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Fulton Quads said...

Today is the 23rd & we still do not have our decorations up! You are better than me!! Have a VERY Merry Christmas & all things happy in 2009! Cathy & her gang

Sharkey said...

Merry Christmas to you, Lauren, and all 3 boys!

iVegasFamily said...

The deer are just resting. It's hard standing for hours on end.

Anonymous said...

I think you were a half-lit reindeer putter upper.

Susie said...

They just look drunk. Half-lit, whatever. It's OK.

Mr Farty said...

You have reindeer? Heck, don't let Mrs Farty see, she'll want some, drunk or not.

Tracey said...

This was a great post! I went back and read your links.. the Hard Ware was too funny and the Greatest Gift, for whatever reason, I found myself reading and hearing the voice from Christmas Story!! Priceless. Have a very Mery Chirstmas Bill, Lauren, Max, Wyatt and Baby!!

mrtl said...

If you're going to leave broken deer in the yard, at least make it look like some kind of statement. For laying down, stage an accident with a kiddy car. Otherwise, rig them up into some weird positions and decorate them with bulbs or holding a basket full of candy canes.

It is effort, Bill, that will take your from ghetto to artiste.

gigglepotamus said...

Hey, at least I dragged their bodies behind the bushes somewhat...

movin' down the road said...

My kids are asking for ipods but I have trouble thinking of them plugging in at such an early age. So they're getting dolls. Deer in the yard can sometimes be very wrong, especially when they are down for the count, looking like they've been shot by hunters. (per your photo)

kimmyk said...

MAN DOWN!

kimmyk said...

Oh yeah!!! Almost forgot....

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Mainline Mom said...

I bought a new grapevine moose this year for our yard, whose head moves back and forth. He has stayed upright, but already lost half his lights and one ear so far. Texas is damn windy! Merry Christmas!!

JP said...

William. Darn good I met you this past year. Merry Christmas!

Bogart in P Towne said...

Merry Christmas to you and the family...including the reindeer that I hope finds its way to rehab.

Ern said...

Merry Christmas!