Friday, September 12, 2008

Cemetery

While driving to a party we passed the cemetery where my dad is buried. I mentioned to Lauren that it has been a while since I went to visit his grave.

I went a few times not long after he died. The rectangular plot was still just dirt and pebbles and stark and raw. The grave was fresh, like my sadness, and it reminded me of how I felt because of his passing. But it was still nice to have a place to go and "visit" him. In the spring my brother, the LawnWhisperer, went to cemetery with his rakes and fertilizer and grass seed and even though there is a grounds crew to take care of the plots, he made sure that my dad would have the best looking "lawn" out of everyone there.

I said to Lauren, "I really should go and visit him. It's been a while since I "talked" to him."

Lauren and I discussed the concept of having a place to go to visit our departed loved ones. She told me that I really didn't need to go to the cememtary to talk to him. I could talk anywhere. I agreed with her but I like having a place to go to feel a connection.

Lauren said the she feels more comfortable going to one of her dad's favorite places in order to feel connected. That if she wants to talk to her dad, she could go to the lake where her dad liked to fish. She finds that more comforting. It would be a more happy place. She suggested that maybe I could do that, instead of feeling the need to go to the cemetery.

My dad had many favorite places. I thought about it for a minute and I told Lauren, "I think you are right. I am going to go to Philly Park (horse racing) or maybe the casinos the next time I want to talk to dad."

Visiting dad may become expensive.

19 comments:

Susan said...

I can't relate to losing a parent or even grandparent, but it does sound like going to a place that they enjoyed would be easier than going to a grave site.
Leave your wallet at home when you go to visit your dad and just enjoy the moment!

Charlotte in Pa said...

I don't know... it's not that you WANT to make yourself sad, but there's something somber and respectful and peaceful about being at a gravesite for me. I "visit" my grandparents lots of places, but I still feel the need to go to the cemetery every once in awhile for a proper visit.

Anonymous said...

i've lost both of my parents in the past 9 months...and i live away from where they are buried.

So when I am in town, I visit the cemetery every day. Not long, but I have to stop.

So i feel on both sides...

and of course...if you visit your dad while playing the ponies...he'll make sure it doesn't become too expensive...LOL

Practically Joe said...

I kind of like the idea of going to a place my dad frequented to re-connect.
I'm giving Lauren's idea a try.
Pussycat Lounge ... here I come!

eclectic said...

4 years for me now, and I live 1500 miles away, so I don't visit his grave. I just look for him to visit my life. And he does -- often in the form of one of my children.

Oh, and for the record, you're a smartass, in case no one's ever told you that. Have fun at the casino. ;)

Sue said...

Does this mean I should start taking my mom to the strip club so that I can "visit" her there someday? Just a thought! :)

joanna said...

Good thing you didn't say "strip club". You'd be on the couch.

My parents haven't passed yet, but I would think I could connect with them anywhere peaceful.

Anonymous said...

I miss Skip.

AirmanMom said...

My dad passed away three years ago and truly going to the cemetery is one of the most peaceful of places. There is a poem titled "The Dash" by Linda Ellis...to see the dash between my dad's date of birth and date of death...reminds me of the special days we shared between these two dates. Truth is, I feel my dad with me each day, wherever I am whatever I am doing. The love is constant. As long as you never forget, it matters not the place, he is always in your heart!

~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

Becky said...

Food for thought, I suppose...makes me wonder where I would feel the most connected.

Mom would be at Baskin Robbins...pretty sure...and she would tell me to get a second scoop! ;)

Dad, well, probably throwing all of his money away at the casino...or at a car dealership somewhere. ???

Hmmmm...

The Maid

Karen said...

I never used to visit any cemetery on my own. That's what we did with my grandmother. It was sort of creepy.

Then my brother died. And then my girlfriend. Now I get such pleasure from stopping, maybe pulling a few weeds, and looking at their names. I know they are in heaven, probably laughing at us poor folk still here.

thanks for the post

Cole said...

You're a good son and Skip definitely lives in you.

nikkirae said...

I've never went to visit a grave. But hmm... I think to remember my Mom I'd have to visit the Catholic Hall we play Bingo at in the small town she lives in. For my Dad... the farm where they're moving from soon. Thanks for setting us to thinking.

Michael said...

I've only been by to see dads place twice. I do however go to where Mara and Michael are, and when I'm by myself, I've never felt more peaceful.

No_Newz said...

Good thing Dad wasn't fond of brothels. ;)

BTW, Lauren is right, he is with you wherever you are.

Rosa said...

Hello, I've been reading your blog for some time, and I really love how you find a balance between your humourous and heartfelt posts. I lost my brother almost 10 years ago. I don't visit his grave often (esp. now that I live in Europe), but I do things that remind me of him. For example, I'll bake his favourite brownie recipe or from time to time I buy red roses (which he had always loved). Lauren is right that you can find peace in visiting other places ... or perhaps things. The pain does ease a bit over time but you'll never forget a loved one.

Melinda said...

I baked 8 loaves of zucchini bread on my mother's 11 year of passing away this August. It was from her hand written recipe card to me. I found great pleasure in remembering her as I baked. My kitchen suddenly smelled like her kitchen did when she baked this bread.
I love remembering my mother and all the wonderful things she did for me.
I personally don't need to be by her grave but I can understand why others do.
That race track memorial visit sounds good fun! All you boys and 1 sister should have a special visit there together.

Ben and Bennie said...

My Dad is buried here in my hometown but I am certain he is following my children, particularly my special needs son.

You may call me whacky, off the wall, or whatever but I truly believe those that have left us still watch over us.

JP said...

I feel the closest to my Dad on the golf course. He taught me how to play and it's where I got to know him the best. I picture him smiling at me when I'm doing really well.

I can understand the cemetery connection too. I'll stop by and "talk" to my Dad every so often when I visit my Mom.