Thursday, June 12, 2008

Why I enjoy shopping alone

I took the kids to the Super Wal-Mart the other night to pick up some items for Wyatt’s B-day. I usually fly through shopping trips when the kids are with me because they have a limited patience and are usually a handful. I usually shop by myself. Wyatt sat in the cart and Maxfield walked along next to us. A promise of Cheetos after the trip kept the kids in check.

Wal-Mart was a having a sale on the name brand Cheetos and I needed to compare the sale price against the price of the lesser-known brand. I like to know that I am getting the best price ounce for ounce when it comes to cheesy goodness. The Cheetos were about 18 cents an ounce while the imposter brand was about 14cents per ounce. But figuring in the 5 cents an ounce cushion I am usually willing to pay for a brand like Cheetos I was going to go with the name brand. (I am not that cheap but there are only a few name brands of food I am willing to pay more for. Examples would be Dorito’s and Turkey Hill Ice Cream and TasyKake)

I was standing in the aisle a little too long doing the math and Max started to wander. He was about ten feet from me and ten feet from the end of the aisle. A rather large woman, very large, all over large, turned the corner of the aisle and almost hit Max with her cart. Not because she was not paying attention, but more because Max stood in the middle of aisle, staring in awe of her large-ness.

“Dad!” He yelled. “Does that lady have a baby in her belly?”

You see, a few of Lauren’s friends have had babies in the past few weeks and Max has become fascinated with babies in bellies. I grabbed two bags of Cheetos threw them in the cart and quick stepped it over to Max to escort him out of the aisle, past the woman, as quick as possible. I did not make eye contact with the woman and I muttered a quick apology.

“No Max.” I said in a very loud fatherly whisper.

I tried to turn his head in the other direction from the woman but I couldn’t manage the cart and Max at the same time. Max pulled his head out of my grip to get a better look at the lady.

“Dad!?” He yelled again. “Maybe she has a baby in her chest. Maybe, maybe she has TWO babies in her chest.”

31 comments:

Teri said...

ah, that was a great laugh.

you gotta love kids and their honesty. but HELL, it must be embarrasing.

Mindy said...

That was too funny. My kids have done the same thing. But, mine are usually a little more blunt. For example, "Momma, why do some people get so FAT?"

And please don't say you buy generic mac n cheese. Anything other than Kraft is child abuse. Lol.

GAV said...

wow.... out the mouths of babes. I taught my kiddos that God makes all of us... in different sizes.

Anonymous said...

Was Maxfield at your bachelor party?

Charlotte in Pa said...

If I ever meet Max, you'd better prepare him ahead of time. That is one conversation I do NOT want to have with a child. :-)

To me, the best part about this post was that you have a "Cheetos" label.

Rachael said...

Oh my gosh. How embarrassing... but at the same time, you can't blame kids for being curious.

kcinnova said...

ouch.

Speaking of fat...I agree, Turkey Hill ice cream is worth the $$. But I can happily report it is on sale at Giant this week, 2 for $5! Time to stock up, if it weren't for more T-storms coming our way.

kimmyk said...

oh dear.

well...you could always leave 'em in the car with the windows cracked next time.

(kidding!)

kalki said...

Max is so kick ass.

Papa Bradstein said...

That's f'in awesome.

Lil Sass said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ROFLMAO!!!

kittenpie said...

Actually, Misterpie and I were speculating about what MY chest might be incubating the other day, since the baby that IS in my belly seems to have spawned some other major growth...

Patience said...

Bwahahahahaha!!!!!

I love Max!!! I'm sure the FatLady loves Max too!!

gigglepotamus said...

yeah... he gets that foot-in-mouth problem from you.

Anonymous said...

Shopping isn't over until she sings

Editor said...

Hi, I came across your blog quite by accident, looking up "Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails" for my 5 yr old son. :) It is wonderful. I can relate to so much of your experience; we have two kids, age 5 and 7, live in Delaware (which is kinda like living in Eastern PA) and have a creek (or crick) in our backyard. The story of the name of your blog is funny to me, too. Growing up, if we asked what was for dinner, my Dad, who grew up on a farm in the midwest, would always respond the same: "Pig's A$$ and cauliflower". Yum, yum.

Your family is beautiful!

worldoftiffany said...

What a riot. Kids are great for embarrasing us. Mine have done the whole, "Mom look at the fat lady" thing, even though I do teach them that God makes us lovingly in all shapes and colors.

I saw that Cheetos were on sale at Walmart today, too. They were calling my name. I can't believe I actually resisted them. I may have to go buy a couple bags tomorrow, though.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of babies in bellies... I heard you were trying for a girl

Becky said...

Wait until he is a teenager and he stays the night at the pastors house and tells his wife:

"My mom eats ice cream out of the carton with a fork."

No, it won't make you feel like you are white trash with an eating disorder or anything.

The Maid

Anonymous said...

William, your Dad took 5 and 6 of you shopping at the same time. You all went grocery shopping together. He handled it just fine! What's with this "Man Space" thing? Don't expect your own space till your kids are away at college. Cole is really spoiled! I'm gald he realizes it. You wait, your time will come. You can't have kids and expect privacy. Your Dad had space in every room of the house. Just take it. It will drive Lauren crazy, but you gotta do what you gotta do. The painting should not be over the piano. No musical inspiration there. Why not put it in a closet? Happy Father's Day! I love you momo9

Ra-Ra-Ra-Rachel said...

Wow. That is the funniest story I've ever heard!

Found your site from another's, thought I'd stop by and say hi!! Your kids are beautiful!

Erin said...

A couple of weeks after I had my third baby, my 4 year-old son said to me, "You had Jill in your tummy and then she came out, right? When is the baby in your boobs coming out?"

I guess at least it was just said to me...

Surfer Jay said...

That's classic. Your boy allready loves them twins!

Lowa said...

Hey, just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you today. Your first Father's Day without your Dad has got to be very rough. Just wanted you to know you are being thought of, as is your dear mother.

Hope you have a special day, you deserve it! You are an incredible Dad to those sweet little boys or your's:) You obviously had an awesome example!

*HUG*

Susie said...

Happy Father's Day, Bill. Thinking of you and Lauren and your families. May today be much more sweet than bitter.

sari said...

We were at Baskin Robbins once and a terrifically huge man came walking up. I knew immediately it would be trouble so I tried to take my son outside but we couldn't make it out before he YELLED in the store "Momma, that guy is HUMUNGOUS!!!"

He was, of course, but still...

Mainline Mom said...

heehee! Sometimes I am really glad my kid is pretty shy and often quiet in public. I know my day is coming though...

Anonymous said...

Were you there for "The Fat Lady, and the Skinny Man" song? Now tell me, that wasn't funny! Guess Who?

tricki_nicki said...

Oh. my. goodness. And our kids think we embarrass them!!

JP said...

I hate imposter junk food. And um, Tastykake, there is no substitute...

The Middle Child said...

That's the funniest thing I have read in ages!
Kids say the darnedest things, don't they?