Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Secret Porn Name

When I get into a book I often times find myself overcome by the characters or the mood of the book. I also do this with movies or television series. In normal everyday situations I end up thinking to myself “What would Lou Boltd do?” Or I ask myself “Would I rather be Swearengen or would I want to be Bullock?” both characters from the HBO series Deadwood. (I am just finishing the first season).

I am also captured by the situations in the stories. I can’t help but think about what I would do if I was caught in the middle of an international espionage ring. How would I get a message to my family if I was kidnapped? I play these dilemmas over and over in my head until I move onto the next book or television series and ask myself different questions.

Recently I have been reading a bunch of Harlan Coben books. Harlan Coben writes mystery/thrillers. I was lucky enough to discover his books just a few months ago and a friend has lent me several of his works. I do not devour books. I am a slow reader. It usually takes me a week or two to finish a book. So, I, more or less, snack on them. And using the comparison of snacks I would rate Harlan Coben’s stories like a bag of Ranch flavored Doritos. Not my favorite flavor, but still Doritos, and I can finish a bag (or book) in just a few days.

The one I most recently read was “Tell No One”. Basically a guy thinks his wife is dead but then he starts getting mysterious emails containing information only his wife would know. One of the bits of secret information was that his wife was using an alias and the name she was using was that of her middle name and the street she grew up on. She took her middle name as her first name and her hometown street name as her last name. And of course her husband knew this and of course finds her eventually.

A few nights ago I was in bed watching 48 Hours Mystery. Lauren was asleep next to me. 48 Hours is basically a show about murder and who done it and how did they do it etc. etc. I forget the actual case because they run 48 Hours marathons on cable all the time and I get confused, but a woman went missing and they were trying to find her. There was a ransom demand and the police wanted to make sure that the woman was still alive and asked a question that only the woman would know.

I forget the details because I immediately had to wake Lauren so we could come up with a secret code word in the event she ever witnessed a horrible crime committed by the KGB and had to go into hiding and she needed to contact me.

“Lauren, wake up.”

“What?”

“If you ever need to use a secret name to get into contact with me, I want you to use Andrea Carlson.”

“You want me to use my stripper name?” she said referring to the various “Name Generator” types of websites, using her middle name and street name.

“Yes.”

“You woke me up for that?”

“Yes. I just want to make sure we are on the same page.”

The next day, after I put some thought into it, I realized that the KGB or rogue CIA agents would probably know her middle name and street name. So we needed to come up with a different plan.

“I think we need to change your secret code name.” I told her the next morning over coffee. “What was the name of your first pet? Was it B.C.?”

“No. My first pet’s name was Miss Catsky.” She said. "So now you want me to use my porn star name?”

“Your porn name is Miss Catsky Carlson? I think I like that.”

26 comments:

April said...

It is so reassuring to know that there are other couples out there who are just as dorky, I mean prepared for emergencies as we are. We also have a secret handshake and a code word used to let the other know when we want to leave a party, a family get together, etc. That's how we roll.

Bogart in P Towne said...

I am so happy you woke her up to figure that out. I don't know why, but I am happy for you guys.

Do you remember secret code words for your kids? If you had to send a friend or other adult to pick up one of your kids, they would have to use a code word before the kid is to get into the car...

Ours was "Bubbles".

Crap, now I have to come up with another one.

iVegasFamily said...

You've got one active imagination. That's awesome. I personally haven't thought much about secret codes in case I'm kidnapped by the some rogue international agency. Now you got me thinking. By the way, using the middle name and orginal street name, my porn star name would be Brent Concha. Little weird. My wife's would be Perez Hill. Almost like Perez Hilton, but not quite. My son's would be William Comanche.

Giddy said...

Sheba Trombone!

My daughters will be Kitty Mustang.

Somehow I think we are all the wrong sex.....

kittenpie said...

Those names never work for me. According to the porn star thing about pet name + street, my porn name would be Tom Simpson. Yeah. Sex-AY! And I have no middle name. Boo.

JP said...

I am Sonny Orillia. Sharkey is Sasha Pinecrest... Hubba... Hubba...

Charlotte in Pa said...

My porn name is Kit Coleman. Not TOO bad. Have you ever read Clive Cussler books? They're treasure hunting mystery/adventure books. (mostly to do with underwater treasure) You might enjoy them.

kalki said...

First of all, I'm totally with you on this. You know how I feel about spies and the like.

Miss Catsky Carlson is THE best porn/code name ever. Using the same rules, mine is Misty Rural Route 4.

Becky said...

I am...

Sugar Cochise

Kind of a Native American thing going on...right.

How.

The Maid
Oh, and the Butler would be:
Spade Ingleside

eclectic said...

Wow. The petname + street combination would be very unfortunate for me: "Ladybug Country Hills Drive." Not pornstar-ish AT ALL.

Also, now that you've broadcast Lauren's code names, she'll never be safe. You'll have to come up with new ones.

Lowa said...

You guys are a hoot!

I must be boring. I don't have a stripped name OR a porn star name:(

Anonymous said...

My son (who is in the military) and I have a secret codeword for whenever he finds out there is extraterrestrial life! ;)

sari said...

Mine is Shasta Shamrock. Woo!

sari said...

The pet one, anyway. No, my middle name is not Shasta.

Miss Catsky Carlson said...

meow...

Anonymous said...

Mine sounds more like an old-timey movie star than a porn star - "Tippy Derby"

Crumbs said...

I'm P.K. Midfield.
I think that calls for a Private Eye type movie, maybe a scene of ripping off glasses.

Lynn said...

I'm getting ready to sink my teeth into a Harlan Coben novel tonight. It's 'The Woods'. Can't wait.

If you like Coben, you'll love Joseph Finder. My favorites are: Company Man, Killer Instinct, and Paranoia. Awesome stuff.

I like the porn star name concept. I'd tell you mine, but that's Top Secret stuff. :-)

(p.s. I love a good word verif. I got 'smurb'. I think it's a blurb written by a smurf.)

Cloudsters said...

Enjoyed reading your post! We don't have secret codes, but when we want to communicate anything urgently - or don't want anyone else at the party to know what we are saying - we lapse into pidgin German.

What if the KGB hit squad listening in includes a member who kann gut Deutsch sprechen, you ask triumphantly?

Ah, but our German is so atrocious, it's effectively a secret code. Thus far unbroken.

Not quite sure whether it's wise to feel smug about that...

a husband said...

How funny. You guys are entertaining. My wife and I have secret codes, I think, but we've never vocally talked about them; they've just developed.

Love this blog.

Effie said...

teeeheee--my duaghter will be Smokey Emerald--kinda sexy...

I am Lady Simcoe--very boring...

Hello!! (I posted!)

Effie said...

whoops--I mis-typed: daughters not duaghter

No_Newz said...

You really are a freak aren't you? I love that about you!

Tismee2 said...

I like this game!

Mine would be Spookie Beaumont

I rather like that too.

geeks in rome said...

My mom and I had secret code names for the exact same reason. Obviously I cannot share that top secret info with the world since that would put my life and my mom's retirement savings into jeapordy.

My porn name, however, is for public consumption: Mama Copeland (I'm a Queen-Latifahesque black jazz singer hooked on cigs and bad men)

My hubby is Mario Joe Green (short squat former boxer who got into porn because of his lean, mean, green machine).

Eyrev said...

The title of your blog is what I eat for breakfast each morning.

Eyrev
eyrev.cbcr@gmail.com