Friday, May 26, 2006

Purple

When Maxfield was about 6weeks old I became concerned that his circumcised penis was not healing correctly. Every time we changed his diaper we made sure that we were very careful with cleaning him and applying the proper ointment and such. Sure it looked healed but I could not get over the fact that his “fire helmet” was always a bright purple. It was six weeks after the procedure one would think that the penis would look normal.

The only point of comparison I had was, well, my own, and I know that mine was not the color of Barney. I did not want to call the doctor because part of me felt that maybe this was normal and that it just needed a while to heal. I thought about calling my brother Jim whose son, Bo, was born two months before Max, but I did not want to subject myself to his laughter and ridicule to me possibly over reacting to something that may be normal.

So like most people, (I guess) when in need for baby/medical advice, I called my mom.
When she answered the phone I could hear small children in the background, “Hi Mom. It’s Bill. What are you doing?”

“I am watching Jimmy’s kids. They had a wedding or something to go to.”

“Oh. Well I have a question for you and it may sound weird but, Max’s penis is a bright purple and I just want to know if that is normal.”

“What do mean bright purple?”

“It looks like, you know if you were to tie a rubber band around your finger really tight. But only it is brighter than that. I figured you have more experience with penises than anyone I know. Okay that came out wrong but you know what I mean.” (My mom raised 8 sons).

She chuckled. “I am sure it is normal but I don’t remember if any on you guys having a bright purple penis.”

“You don’t? I am not sure whether I should call a doctor or not. Max’s next check up is like two weeks away and I would hate to wait until then. What do you think?”

“Bill I am sure it is normal. You know what? Hold on.”

I could hear her put the phone down and telling my dad that it was me on the phone. I waited for a few minutes. When she picked the phone back up I could hear her laughing.

“I am sure it is fine and nothing to worry about.” She reassured me.

"Why?"

“I am watching Jimmy’s kids. I just went and checked Bo’s penis. His is purple too.”

I laughed and hung up the phone.

About 20 minutes later the phone rings. I pick it up. “Hello?”

“Bill. It’s your father.”

“Hey Dad. What’s up?”

“Why is your mother asking to check everyone’s pecker.”

31 comments:

betti said...

I've startled all my coworkers with a huge hacking fit from choking on orange juice - it was worth it! Thanks for the laugh!

Mrs Groovy said...

That was the best laugh I've had all month!

Odd Mix said...

Oh. My. Goodness!

I can SO hear that conversation in my parents' voices. And I laughed so hard my asthma kicked in - you are bad for my health, Bill. But I s'pose I shouldn't expect poop and boogies to be healthy.

ieatcrayonz said...

I may have just peed my pants at little...at work.

God, I love your parents.

Mich said...

He said pecker. I think we must be a little bit related. As usual, thanks for the laugh!

Effie said...

I seriously started laughing out loud when i read this one....body shaking laughter! Thanks William!

Anonymous said...

Mine is not purple

kimmyk said...

OH MY GOSH!

That had me crackin up cause I could hear that whole conversation out loud in my head!!!

So uh...everything is ok now I take it?

bbsgirl said...

I'm laughing histerically over here.....my grandson was born January 4th of this year and my very own Daughter called me frantic one night to stop over so I could infact~~~~ check out Isaac's penis~~~ she said "It's so purple, do you think they did something wrong at the hospital?".

That is enough to worry any parent and I suppose a Father more so. Thanks for the laugh though. You told that story so well.

Anonymous said...

The Color Purple was not a good movie

Lowa said...

My three sons' were purple for a while too. I don't think it lasted long, though.

I am assuming it is fine now?? Or is it going to stay purple??

Be glad they actually cut enough off. Or not too much, I suppose. My third son had...ummm...extra for a while. It was like he was half circumsized, half not. We had to pull the skin back a little and clean under it. I was thinking "What was the point in putting the little stinker through that, when we have to treat him like it didn't happen anyway??" They said as the penis grew, it would kind of just...I dunno...fill in the extra skin. He is 7 now and showers himself. I don't pay much attention to it, but last I recall, things were alright.

All the things we need to be concerned with as parents, eh??

What your Mom did sounds like something my mom would do!

if only our sons knew we talk about their penises on here:)

Sandy said...

Good Lord! You should really warn a reader that they are about to read something that could cause irreparable damage...I think I just hurt myself...lol...

And because of my uncontrollable laughter, I had to reread it to my husband and then he forced me to walk down memory lane and see if I could remember if our 21month old son had a purple pecker...lol...

Anonymous said...

Nerple

s@bd said...

i'm still just kind of stuck on the '8 boys' part ...

i'll be back soon ...

TBG said...

That is hysterical! Well now you know if the new babies penis is bright purple it is normal!

nikkirae said...

LOL!!!!!

Can't wait to tell this one to my husband.

-n

Michele in Michigan said...

“Why is your mother asking to check everyone’s pecker.”

Absolutely PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!

Kami said...

You said "pecker."

I can't wait for the hate mail you're going to get for "torturing" your boy.

BWAAAHHHAHAAHHAAAA!

Mrs. DallasK, mother to a cut boy :)

samantha said...

I literally threw my head back with a raucous laugh. The cat ran away.

I don't have a penis so I don't know how men feel about it, but if I have a son and see that it's purple, I'm still calling the doctor, ridicule be damned.

But hey, I guess now I don't have to. Gee THANKS poop and boogies! You're swell!

No_Newz said...

Hahahahahaaaa! Too funny! Mom round up the boys for a pecker check, hahahahaha!
Happy Memorial Day!
Lois Lane

Pioneer Woman said...

Ha! I happen to have a pecker story on my blog right now...(not human, canine.)

Mainline Mom said...

Hehe...I don't remember my son's penis ever being bright purple like that. I probably would've been all freaked out too.

Circus Kelli said...

Priceless.

Sharpie said...

Hilarious.

Raven Shields said...

That was so good! Thanks for the chuckle! :o)~

Aunt Jo said...

Thank you for my morning laugh!

Dottie said...

Thanks for the laugh, even if I did have to go get the windex to clean the spewed Diet Coke from my 'puter screen! Bless your Mom for raising 8 boys, I have two and it is something new everyday! LOL

Kimberly Schrock said...

Thanks for this post...it saved my four month old a trip to the doc! It's lookin' purple and i'm from an all girl family!

ukreal1 said...

googled "son's purple penis" and found your blog. My 5 yr old's popped out from behind the old foreskin and was purple. I freaked. But I knew that is must be OK. He thought it was hilarious and tried to put it on his sisters leg! Some other person referred to it as 'squeezing out purple toothpaste' YUCK!
Thanks for the laughs!

Anonymous said...

OMG sooooooooo funny priceless

Anonymous said...

I too found this blog after googling about the purple peenie. My son is almost 6 weeks old and I noticed his tip looked purple while bathing him. I freaked thinking its fate was the same as his belly button stub! Thanks for the reassurance (and laugh!)