Friday, January 20, 2006

See My Thumb?

Guest Post by William's brother The LawnWhisperer.

It is well documented that I am not the world’s perfect father. I am the one that documents this, so I know it to be truth. I am, however, very clever in my ability to avoid Child Meltdowns. I have written about this ability in the past, and am going to share another perfectly orchestrated, quick thinking, and catastrophe stopping moment. Some of you may find this to be a bit unsettling, but I do what I have to do for my own sanity. Don’t try these techniques at home, unless you are willing to live with the consequences.

We were having one of those dinners that did not sit well with the kids. Young Skywalker and Solo do not like anything that is not nuggets or pizza, so they often fight us on the subject. Luke was especially upset on Monday about his soup. He wanted no parts of it, and was being a total pain in the ass. The whining and crying was growing more annoying by the minute. The threat of no dessert is no good in my house, cause I subscribe to the dessert before dinner theory. That is an entirely different blog topic. Anyway, he was up in arms and I was getting the early stages of heartburn. I had to react, and react I did. I sang the famous child jingle about beans. We were not having beans, but I sang it anyway. “Beans, Beans, they’re good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you fart.” Skywalker looked at me and smiled. Solo looked at me like I just said a bad word. They asked me to repeat it. So I did. They laughed the biggest belly laughs. They laughed until tears rolled down their face. They called pop-pop and sang it. They called Uncle Bill and sang it. They sang it, and sang it, and sang it. They also ate their soup. Then we had some ice cream, and sang it some more.

The down side to such tactics is that they are singing it every night. We still laugh just as hard, but Mrs. Whisperer is getting a bit upset. She is concerned about when the teacher calls home. I don’t have to field those calls, so I am not very concerned, but I see her point. I have already taught them the “see my pinky, gee your stinky”, and the ever popular “see my thumb, gee your dumb” rhymes. I want them to hear it from me, before they pick it up on the schoolyard. It’s a father teaching kids how to be kids, isn’t it? Anyway, “does your face hurt? No, well it’s killing me.” Sorry, but my guys love that one too.

11 comments:

Football Widow said...

That's so funny! My hubby has told me that he HAS to teach our son about "pull my finger" so that when he goes to school he's not the only one who doesn't know what it is!

TBG said...

My brother taught us all those growing up. He was 12 years older than I was! So he always had some good ones!

Peanutt said...

One of the best things about being a parent is teaching kids to be kids! Life needs to be savored and enjoyed! The greatest reward are their smiles and laughter!

Grace said...

I'm still singing the "Hershey Squirts" song my brother taught me in my younger years.

Lori said...

I think I must've been about 60 in second grade, because I remember being totally horrified by my classmates when they sang that song.

Sheesh...glad I've lightened up in my older years...

Stacie said...

My mom always got me with the "does your face hurt it's killing me" line! Sigh... Stacie

Cat said...

Yep. TGIM taught MY children this little ditty:

When the feeling's not that nice, and you have to flush it twice,
Diarrhea! (Pfff! Pfff!)
Diarrhea!

When you're on the seat for hours, and it doesn't smell like flowers, Diarrhea! (Pfff! Pfff!)
Diarrhea!

Yep. Sometime I really HATE that man.

Carolyn said...

My uncle taught my young daughter -

"There's a skeeter on my peeter whack it off" song.

She had no idea what it meant but greatly enjoyed singing it.

islandarts said...

our bean song went like this;
Beans, beans the magical fruit,
the more you eat, the more you toot.
the more you toot, the better you feel,
so have some beans for every meal.
You can save this one for another timely moment LOL!!

islandarts said...

Or another one that made us giggle until we'd pee our pants;
"Campbells soup makes you poop in your boot."
sang to an old campbells jingle but you could make up anything and it still sounds hilarious.

Anonymous said...

I am slow.. but catching on.... Mr. Whisperer do you notice that you and Bill.... well and now me, are the only guys that comment on this site? Hmmmm ... oh well...

Ok, back to your story... hey where do we send checks for your kids Therapy Sessions?

-Anonymous Husband of a First Cousin or Until I find a better name-