Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Dipper or Scooper

Guest blogging by The LawnWhisperer. (LawnWhisperer is William's brother, who William feels should start his own blog because, well, because he is funny.)

Dipper or Scooper

There are two types of people in this world. There are dippers, and there are scoopers. I myself am a dipper, and I am surrounded by scoopers. Most of my family is scoopers. My dad is a big time scooper; I think he invented the scoop. My two youngest brothers, Mike and Jim, are scoopers, but I think they are pretend scoopers. They scooped all their life, just to get under my skin. Then I went and married a scooper. I should have done a better job of questioning while we were dating. I asked the silly questions like, “What are your thoughts on having kids?” “How many would you like to have?” “Are you a democrat or republican or neither?” “Where do you see us in ten years?” Then finally, “Will you marry me?”

I never asked the big question, “Are you a dipper or a scooper?” I’ll tell you, I am pissed that I did not ask the question. It definitely would have made me think twice about marrying her, if I knew ahead of time that she was a scooper. See, this is of major importance at snack time. I love chips and dip. I make a nice garlic dip. The perfect amount of garlic salt mixed with sour cream is mouth watering. It makes the worst kind of potato chip taste like heaven. One bowl of this dip gets you through a half bag of chips. That is if you are a dipper. If you are a scooper, you get maybe 10 chips. I hate sharing my dip with a scooper. I like to dip the chip in the dip. After all, it is called dip.

Sharing with a scooper, throws off the recipe. If I know I am sharing my snack with a scooper, I have to make more dip. Sometimes I will make two bowls, one bowl of dip, and one bowl of scoop. This way I get to enjoy my entire snack. But my wife wastes her scoop. She won’t eat it all, and then it gets tossed. That is perfectly good dip, that I could have another night, but it goes to waste.

I have tried to teach my wife to be a dipper, but she refuses. My siblings and parents have never crossed over to the dipper side. It is almost like a scooper creed, once a scooper, always a scooper. I am trying to teach my two little guys to be dippers. My daughter is a lost soul now. She has been with a scooper for far to long. I can’t convert her, but the little guys are still impressionable. There is hope still, but it will be difficult. I should have married a dipper. I did not ask the question, and now I am paying the price.

So all you single guys out there take notice of the important things. Ask the right questions before you pop the question. It will make a big difference at snack time. “ Are you a dipper, or a scooper?” If she replies in a way that is negative to your view on this topic, leave her. It will be better in the long run.

27 comments:

Susie said...

Wow, I've never seen anyone "break this down" before, but it really is a thing. I am a dipper. Straight in and out, just enough for a light coating of dip. (Note, it is called "dip," not "scoop.") Scooping really is unseemly; should be reserved for dog poop.

jd said...

HAHA! Good too see you're back, Lawn Whisperer! I'm a dipper... just for the record. Scooping is too much.

TBG said...

oh well good thing you arent married to me I am a scooper not a dipper!

Kami said...

I'm a dipper.

Dottie said...

LOL! DH and I were just having this conversation the other night as we were attempting to share a bowl of French Onion Dip. Attempting b/c he is a scooper in the most aggressive way and I am a neat little dipper who then smooths out the top surface. Thus creating a very inviting dippable dip for the next chip. He completely ruins it everytime! I should have asked the question......

Lowa said...

I am a dipper. I admit to trying scooping once and it was very traumatic.

The chip broke!

What is the point in scooping?? I don't get it.

I make a great herb dip. In fact, since reading this, I need to go get some started:)

judypatooote said...

Wow, I never thought about it, but I guess I'm a scooper....there is nothing worst than a double dipper...achhhhhh!

Kari said...

LOL, my hubby's just happy to have snacks, dipper or scooper, he's still faster than me so he gets more either way.

Personally I used to be a dipper...but lately, I've been slowly leaning toward the scoop side. It comes on slow, but now I'm not sure I can fight it!

LOL, sorry LW.

kalki said...

This is a classic post.

And I am SUCH a scooper. Sorry.

Bradley Egel said...

Terrifically funny post...

I am a dipper indeed...and not even a very impressive dipper...my wife is a mega scooper.

I also should have asked!!!

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Anonymous said...

I am a total dipper. I even dip tostito SCOOPS!

Renee said...

I am a dipper married to a scooper. Maybe we should start a support group!

Awesome post by the way!:-)

Bradley Egel said...

I am in for the support group...it seems like there are quite a few of us!

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Rhonda said...

I too am a dipper who married a scooper. It is most annoying. Although I do confess that I scoop salsa (but ONLY salsa) because if you dip all you get is tomato juice and a soggy chip. And what is up with those Scoops chips--do we really need to encourage this behavior? I think not.

Bradley Egel said...

Dunkin and other future support group members...

I SOOO agree...

Where are the DIP CHIPS???

I think we need to take our newly formed support group to the Frito Lay Scoop factory and protest their unabashed egregious behavior!

I also see an Oprah here...where battered Dipper spouses come and explain how their lives have been changed by the scooper in their life... :)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

kimmyk said...

My name is KimmyK....

and I am a SCOOPER.

SAYIN IT LOUD...SAYIN IT PROUD.

Now pass me a chip, damnit.

Cat said...

I am SO a dipper, but my momma? Woman's a scooper. And an UBER scooper at that! You have to hide the chips and dip, or she'll scoop that dip away in a matter of minutes. She'll only go through four or five chips, too, which leads to quite the imbalance in the whole chips-to-dip ratio, now doesn't it? What can we put on the chips NOW, Mom, huh?! HUH?! GOSH!

Although truth be told, I must confess that I have slowly evolved into a mini- (MINI, mind you!) scooper. But I fight it, so it's all good.

Anonymous said...

Wow never knew there could be such conversation on a topic such as this.... I'm amazed at how the Lawn Whisperer comes up with these topics.... What must go on in his Brain???

Well I will leave you with this:
Scoopers Are Better Lovers!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, but I thought for sure your Dad was a "combo" guy. You know,
a "Scipper" ?!?!?!?!?

Stacie said...

Hmmm sometimes I'm a dipper sometimes I'm a scooper..where does this leave me in the grand scheme of things? I definitely think you should have your own blog! Stacie

Tink said...

First off: I had NO idea what you were refering to for the first paragraph lol. Second off: Scoopers are just Dippers evolved. You have to Dip in order to Scoop and sometimes you have to do a two handed Dip/Scoop in order to get the hand with the Scoop chip with anything on it. Phew. Thanks. You've made me hungry now.

Kari said...

So, I just got done eating some chips and dip.

Here's what I found out...

As a dipper do you dip vertically, straight up and down? That would define dipping, no?

So I do this dip thing but it's kind of a diagnal dip which is not quite a scoop but definatly more than a dip...

Just thought I'd share...

Suzanne said...

I am totally a dipper. I find that too much dip ruins the whole thing. Scoopers really chap me too, but only if I am sharing something with a scooper. It's not a race people, savour the flavour! haha great post :)

Peanutt said...

I am a dipper as well! Scoopers are just selfish and want all the dip to themselves. We need more dippers in the world. Why do you think its called DIP in the first place????

Twixie said...

I think when it comes down to it... I can't help it. Even if I start out dipping... the dip will be sooo good that I'll start to scoop. Sometimes you just need a little more on the chip. Really that's all it is.

Odd Mix said...

You missed the other two types - or maybe you considder them to be variants on the first two.

There is the skimmer, like myself, who likes a bit more than a dip, but less than a scoop, and so "skims" the top of the dip with the chip. If done properly a good skimmer can eat the last bit of dip with the last chip on his plate.

Then there is the digger, like my offspring, who in an attempt to get more dip in total than thier siblings, will try and dig out fully 1/3 of the bowl of dip with a single chip.

My solutions to the problem of digging are A) cook cheese onto the chips so no dipping is required or B) provide them each a small bowl of dip and tell them when it's gone, it's gone. They always have chips left.

My secondary line of defense is to each salsa which they won't touch.

Happy dipping. :)

Anonymous said...

Seriously? Just garlic salt and sour cream? Share the recipe and I'll be your best friend.