Tuesday, September 13, 2005

And Heeerreees... the Lawn Whisperer

Guest Blogging By the Lawn Whisperer

Hello bloggers. I am not as talented as Bill when it comes to writing. I do not have the same cynical outlook on all life related things. I have an entirely different cynical outlook. I will try to keep you interested over the next couple of days, but if you lose interest, I will not be offended, as I do not know any of you.

I am actually the middle child in the family. I am the fifth of nine. Bill is the sixth of nine. Bill likes to take the middle child thing and run with it. So, I don’t even get that. See, the middle child, getting screwed again. The only thing that I truly am, and someone has to try and take credit for it. I mean seriously, can’t I be overlooked and forgotten all by myself? My entire life I was lost in the shuffle, and here I am in my mid 30’s and I can’t even be the middle child, all alone. Lost again.

Poop and Boogies is true. We ate that every night. The funny thing about eating poop and boogies is that it tastes like chicken. That’s right. Chicken.

From my vantage point growing up, it seemed like we had chicken every day. We had Roasted Chicken. We had Grilled Chicken. We had Chicken and Dumplings. We had Chicken and Stuff. We had Chicken Soup. You get the point; we ate so much chicken, that I no longer like chicken. Now, our mom is a good cook, (that’s my disclaimer in case Mom is reading this.) but why so much chicken?

Now, I married a woman that does not cook. She does not cook, and she won’t even be mad at me for telling the world that. Here’s the kicker, the only thing she does cook is Chicken. I certainly did not marry her for her cooking, but give me a break. She cooks chicken ten different ways. That is the ten times a year that she cooks. So my kids ask her, “Mom, what is this we are eating?”

I tell them, “It’s poop and boogies. You’ll like it. It tastes like chicken.”

11 comments:

eclectic said...

I likes me some lawn whispering!

I am a Milliner's Dream, a woman of many "hats"... said...

Sounds like it ought to be CHICKEN POOP & Boogies.

Hh :)

Candace said...

You all sound like the Borg.

"Five of Nine"

"Six of Nine"

Am I to assume that resistance is futile?

Peanutt said...

LOL. I think everything tastes like chicken!

kimmyk said...

It's good that you've let all that "middle child" thing go.

My kids yell I make too much chicken-but, it's so versatile. Except for breakfast or desert...then it's not a good thing.

Who cooks then in your house? How she do that? Not cook? I need to do what she's doin....give her a big thumbs up from me would ya?

Effie said...

And when I cook chicken, so it's nice and tender--you can cut it with your fork--my hubby says "I don't like it--it's not chewy enough"--I don't get it. Maybe he had too much chicken as a kid too...

And teehee to Misfit--that's true--so does that mean that Seven of Nine is your sister?

mrtl said...

Cooking chicken well is a gift, and don't you forget it!

don't mind me - i'm pouting - can't cook chicken at all

Mainline Mom said...

That is so funny. I cook chicken at least 10 different ways too, and I hate to cook. I hope my kid doesn't grow up hating chicken like you do.

Bradley Egel said...

My mom used to make chicken a lot...and now I don't eat it :)

I sense a trend here :)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Max's Favorite Uncle said...

I have seen better work from the Lawn Whisperer, I hope he doesn't Bore everyone over the next couple days. Hey! the one person wants some advice, hook them up.

Kari said...

I hate chicken too!
Sorry about the middle child thing...I was the baby, therefore, the spoiled little brat, yep that's me....oh and the only girl too, life was good.