Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Stranger Celebrity

There was the time we left the Hatboro parade in the late 70's. My mom parked the car in the lot behind the retirement home. We couldn't leave because someone blocked us in. We waited for what seemed like hours. Finally the fat lady and the skinny man showed up and moved their car. We were so happy that we created a song at that very moment called "The Fat Lady and the Skinny Man." Not all of my family was there but the story has been told so many times that everyone thinks they were. The fat lady and the skinny man have provided my family with 30 years of a funny memory. Perfect strangers who will never know their celebrity status with my bothers and sisters.

There was the guy in Cape May back in the late 80's who bought my friends beer. My buddy Jeff , underage at the time, gave him money to get a case of Busch. While Jeff and a couple of other friends waited outside the liquor store they noticed that the guy's car had extra antennas and other official equipment in it. When the guy returned with the case of beer Jeff asked if he was a cop. The guy nodded. Jeff asked if he was going to be arrested. The guy said no. The guy placed the beer on the ground and walked away. I was not there but I have heard that story so many times, that sometimes, I believe I was. A perfect stranger who will never know what type of legend status he holds amongst a group of friends. Someone we don't know provides us with entertainment when the story is retold every time we get together.

There was that guy at Mallory Square during the Sunset Celebration in Key West in 2002. He held up a sign that read "Dirty Jokes 50 cents". A brilliant way to panhandle. I gave the guy a dollar and he told Lauren and I two dirty jokes. I gave him another dollar and I asked him to pose with my new wife of only a couple of days. Lauren sat on his lap, he made a dirty gesture and I snapped a picture. Lauren and I talk about the "Dirty Joke Man" all the time. A perfect stranger who will never know that he brings a smile to our faces a few times a year when Lauren and I talk about our honeymoon. He is a small celebrity in our lives and he does not know it.

When we were down the shore last week we stayed in a hotel/condo conversion that had a small pool. The kids and I went into the pool everyday in the late afternoon. We didn't really swim but just relaxed and floated. I made sure that Maxfield, Wyatt and Jackson all had their float-able tubes and what not and I would walk the pool making sure that they each were okay. Everyday we shared the small pool with other people from other units and I had to remind Max and Wyatt to keep the volume down.

One evening in the middle of the week Lauren joined us in the pool. I walked and waded in the pool next to my boys, just like I had the past few days, and Lauren swam and dove under Max and Wyatt, tickling their toes as she passed. The boys were having a blast with their mom. The only other people in the pool were three teenage girls who were chatting against the wall about 8 feet from us so I did not feel like I had to quiet the kids.

I started to feel a little jealous that I was not the one that was causing Max and Wyatt their giggles and laughter. I asked Lauren to keep an eye on Jackson and I swam to the far end of the pool. I called out to Max and Wyatt and said I was going to get them. They both turned towards me as I went under the water and pushed off the wall as hard as I could at them. The force of the wall kick caused my swim suit to slip down to my knees as I swam under Max and Wyatt. I quickly fixed them as I came up for air hoping that nobody saw.

"Daddy!" Max yelled from the other side of the pool. "I just saw your heinie crack. And it wasn't just a little bit, I saw the whole thing and it was really big."

I blushed. Lauren laughed. The three teenage girls busted out laughing. One girl was trying to stifle her laugh while the other girl could not contain herself. They laughed for a good ten minutes.

I am a perfect stranger to those girls and I know that in the future, if they are still friends, they will share a laugh over the guy in the pool with the really big butt crack.

19 comments:

Circus Kelli said...

LOL - THAT is SO funny!

Hubs and I have the "Stacey from the Iowa Teen Tour" story that we've retold dozens of times. In short, 16 yr old Stacey (on a TEEN TOUR from Iowa) was puttin' the moves on mah man. I sidled up to her while she was chattin him up, stared her down and introduced myself as "HIS WIFE" when she asked me my name. Then, I had the pleasure of watching Stacey's unnamed friend nearly soil her shorts in an effort to get Stacey out of there while Hubs just stood there grinnin'. This all took place in Wall Drug in 1994.

I'd love to hear Stacey's friend's version of the story. ;)

Melissa said...

William...i feel QUITE SURE that you are "the perfect stranger with celebrity status" among countless people you have encountered.

Given the stories you tell on here, i don't think your vacation last week is the first time you've "shown your butt"!

LOL...great story...and yes, i am sure those girls are still laughing!

i love you and your family. Lauren, God love her!

SciFi Dad said...

This is a great post idea. It's so true that there are strangers who live on in stories we tell.

(But dude... a cop actually bought your friend beer? That is one of the most awesome stories I've ever heard.)

Barb said...

Hard to tell if Max just did the normal kid thing by saying something to embarrass you, or he is practicing to be just like his dad....to say things that will embarrass his future wife. Too cute!

Bogart in P Towne said...

I often wonder who remembers me and for what...thankfully, I am sure it has nothing to do with nakedness, since I keep my pants on in public.

Roger said...

Classic! I think I read about that on Twitter. :)

Little Miss English Teacher said...

You're posts are hilarious! And now, with my own little boy on the way ... I can't wait to have some of these moments ... minus the butt crack ... I mean unless I lose ALL KINDS of baby weight. Haha.

Anonymous said...

20 Years ago when I was in Sea World an 8 year old boy said "I don't wanna sit in the splash area". He must have said it 100 times in a row. He will always be 8 and always be annoying.

teri said...

ah kids, always so honest.

Ali said...

I seriously don't think your stories could get any better.

Anonymous said...

"The Five People you'll meet in Heaven" I think you just mentioned them. The people we meet for a sec or a minute, who give a lasting memory. So many of them. Those girls in the pool are STILL talking about you!

nancy said...

That was just too funny. You are a fiiiine storyteller. I shudder to think what I'm remembered for.

Patience said...

Memories! Yes, those girls will be talking about you at their 50th high school reunion!!

creative breathing said...

Yeah for celebrity strangers! Without them where would story tellers be! E

shari said...

Well, now that you've shown them your butt crack, you're not really strangers anymore, right? ;)

kalki said...

I loved this post. And I have no doubt that SO many strangers are still talking about you, each with their own hilarious story.

kalki said...

PS - I wonder if the teenage girls think you underwater-mooned your sons on purpose, to compete with your wife.

Ann (http://theblergblog.wordpress.com/) visit me! said...

This was an awesome post.

Anonymous said...

At least he didn't say HAIRY heinie crack.