Medical Story

One morning, about a year ago, I was stirred awake by a strange sensation in my body. After sitting up for a few seconds the sensation ceased. I figured I must have been dreaming and I went back to sleep.

A day or two later, while I was driving, the same feeling from a few nights before started again. It lasted a few minutes. I knew I was not dreaming. I got out of the car and tried to walk off the odd way I was feeling. Everything returned to normal after a few minutes and I felt better.

The next day, while I was at work, my symptom returned. I took a walk around the building and I felt better. Through out the day my symptom returned again and again. Each time was longer than the last. I took several walks around the building in an effort to ease my uneasiness. The next day was the same. I mentioned the weirdness to Lauren and she suggested I call the doctor.

The fifth day, the symptom, the odd feeling, the strange sensation came back and it did not go away. I called the doctor.

The family medical practice that I go to is a facility where they train doctors. Basically there are one or two permanent physicians and all the others are just there to learn before they move on to their specialty or another practice. I do not think I have ever seen the same doctor twice. The practice is like a box of chocolates, when you make an appointment you never know what you are going to get.

The receptionist answered and I told her I wanted to make an appointment.

"Well sir, the first available appointment we have is three weeks from Thursday." She said.

"Do you have anything sooner?" I asked. " I think I should see someone sooner."

"Is it an emergency sir?" She asked in that condescending tone that all medical receptionists have.

"Well, no. Not really. I mean I would not go to an emergency room or anything, its just that I need something sooner."

"I could have you see Dr. Lingen at 7PM tonight. You would be her last appointment. What is your name and date of birth?"

"Great." I said and I gave her my name and birth date. "Wait. Did you say her? I would rather see another doctor."

"Well, sir, is this an emergency?" She asked again stressing the word emergency making it sound as if she doubted me.

"Is there a male doctor I could see in the next day or so? I mean, not a doctor who only studies males but A doctor who is a male."

She got defensive. "Sir, ALL of our doctors are qualified and each one of them is supervised by our attending physicians, male and FEMALE."

"I would just prefer a man." I said and I was about to get rude but I realized she already had my name and I did not want to get blacklisted.

"Sir, why don't you tell me what you need to come in for and I will see if I can schedule some one."

"Okay." I took a deep breath. " My testicle, its vibrating."

" Ex..ex..excuse me?" She blurted.

"My testicle. It is vibrating."

"What do you mean?" She asked and I could hear her stifling a chuckle.

"I mean exactly that." I could feel my face and ears get flush. I continued, "My left testicle is twitching like there is a cell phone on vibrate mode stuck in my sac and it won't stop."

"I will have Dr. Frank Smith see you tomorrow at 11 AM."

"Thank you." I said.

The receptionist verified my date of birth and my name and when she said my name she stressed every syllable. I swore I could her her writing it down in the appointment book really really big with three exclamation points next to it just so she would remember to tell the other ladies about me and my testicle and they could all chuckle the next day.

to be continued....