Thursday, September 27, 2007

Flirting

I love hitting on my wife. I really do. Sometimes the flirting is a genuine, “I think you are beautiful.” Or something along those lines. But most of the times the pass or come on line is usually an immature verbal “boob-grab-honk-honk” type of compliment like “You are so hot.” Or “You are sexy.”

And like most guys, my flirting, and yes it is flirting, sometimes is just turning a normal conversation turned into something along the lines of a wink-wink-nudge-nudge.

Lauren’s cell phone is broken. It only works when it is in speakerphone mode. Meaning that anyone around Lauren can hear what is being said on the line. It took me a couple of conversations to remember that I am on speakerphone when talking to her.

She calls me.

“Hey Bill. I am at my mom’s and she is going to watch the kids while I run to the store to get dinner.”

“What are you going to get?”

“I need to pick up some spices for a recipe I am trying.”

“I got some spice for you.”

“Bill.”

“Yes.”

“You’re on speaker phone.”

That is how the conversations went. Now that I know her cell only works on speakerphone I use it my advantage.

“Hey Bill. I am at Jessica’s and I need you to do me a favor.”

“Am I on speaker phone?”

“Yes.”

“What kind of favor do you need? Bow Chicka bow wow.”

“Bill. Knock it off.”

I now use the phrase “Am I on speakerphone?” very much like Michael from the show The Office uses “That’s what she said.” It may be starting to get a little old with Lauren.

She called me the other day.

“Hey Bill. My Mom and I and the kids just left the park and we are going back to her house for dessert. Can you stop and pick up some Cool Whip?”

“Am I on speakerphone?”

“Goodbye.” –Click.

She didn’t even wait to see if I could pick some up.

19 comments:

Patience said...

Methinks it is time for a new phone!

Circus Kelli said...

Wait... the nonverbal “boob-grab-honk-honk” is a compliment? That's flirting? I had no idea my husband was flirting with me all this time...

This post made me giggle! So, did you get the Cool Whip?

Annie said...

Can't wait for The Premiere tonight!!! wish you all were here to watch it with us :(

Teri said...

OH, you crack me up!

Mainline Mom said...

That's frickin' hilarious. I don't think my husband would ever flirt with me in front of our parents!

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

It is such a same she hung up on you...that was the perfect set-up. Whip cream...what could have been better?!

Julie said...

Ahhhh....I like Lauren more and more everyday. :)

Ali said...

My kind of woman!

kittenpie said...

I do love it when my husband gets around to flirting...

BUt I can understand why she hung up on that one. There are just too many places to go with that opening!

kalki said...

Cool Whip, huh? Now that's hot.

Rob once asked, in front of my parents, if he could touch my box. I was actually holding a box. But still.

Chris H said...

OMG do you have that darn stoooooopid advert over there too? The one where the chick says "bow chicka bow bow" ???? So hate that ad! And you are still a cheeky shit I see, no wonder your wife hangs up on you!

Mindy said...

Thanks for putting into perspective that the grabbing and honking of boobs is flirting. I just assumed my man was a pig:)

Bradley Egel said...

Very funny William :)

Isn't it sad that our "flirting" is still as childish and frowned upon as when we used it in high school.

:)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Steve said...

Seriously, I laughed my ass on this one. That was hysterical. I also think Lauren is the coolest woman ever.

creative-type dad said...

I would also add butt grabbing to the boob grabbing.

charlotta-love said...

At least you still flirt with her. I'm hoping she flirts back occasionally and doesn't just hang up the phone. :o)

t_cole said...

said it before...
saying it again...
i just adore Lauren.

jeremy said...

I do this to my wife all the time too! We need a support group or something. Thank god she flirts back at me... sometimes. I've been instructed not to do this in public though... it's a shame.

I second the nomination for butt grabbing.

-M said...

Hi there...I've been a long time reader (found your site originally as a link from Millners Dream) and its been nothing short of hysterical. In fact my partner got into reading it as well, not wanting to be left out while I giggled and snorted at the computer.

I thought I'd share this...

Currently I'm living here in the states for a year, he's at home in Canada. It's thanksgiving at home for me, but alas I am here.

I was noting this to him, how I missed my long weekends. Without missing a beat he said:
"Am I on speaker phone? I'll give you a long weekend!"

I just about died laughing.

Bill, you're taking over the world...