Monday, April 30, 2007

Shed

Since moving in with my parents, two weeks ago, there has been a debate going on between my mom and dad. The debate has been over the shed that my father built 20 some odd years ago. My mom wants the shed taken down and replaced with a new one. My dad thinks otherwise. My mom’s argument is that the shed is a ghetto shed. It has holes in the roof and floor and it has not been painted in many years. My dad thinks the shed has character.

The main reason my mom wants the shed destroyed is due to the critters. There is at least one ground hog that lives under the shed and Lauren and I saw an opossum hanging out near the shed last week. My mom was not happy to hear the news of a new critter.

This past weekend, the debate ended. With the “help” of my dad, (“help” meaning that I used his pry bar, his hammer, his Saws –All and his sledge hammer) I dismantled their shed. The ruckus that I caused at 9 AM on Saturday morning was enough to cause, Mrs. L, the widowed older neighbor, whose property borders my parent’s property where the shed occupied, to come outside and inspect the demolition. Mrs. L is pleasant enough and her and I got to talking about the different critters that live under the shed. She has seen the ground hog and noted that she thought they lived under her deck just 30 feet away from my parent’s shed.

Every now and then my mom would pop her head out the back door to see the progress. She is deathly afraid of animals and would not come too close in fear that the varmints would come scurrying from the home at any moment. She brought out drinking water on one occasion and asked me if I had found any money in the shed. I told her, with the 8 boys that lived at their house I was more likely to find beer, pot, or porn mags stashed in the shed. There was none.

After a few hours the shed was completely demolished. Mrs. L was in her back yard doing some work by her deck and she yelled out. “Oh my God. There is something under my deck. I think it is the ground hog.”

I walked over and peered through the lattice covering. There was definitely an animal there, but it looked more like an opossum and I told her so. She was convinced it was dead and I told her that opossum’s do that. They play dead. Mrs. L carried on for a few more minutes about the animal under her deck. She tried banging on the deck and throwing water on the animal but the thing did not move. She finally asked my dad for help. He found a long thin pole and attempted to nudge the animal though the lattice to see if it would move.

Lauren and my mom must have heard the commotion and came outside to spectate.

“What’s going on over there?” My mom asked nodding towards the neighbor’s deck.

I laughed and said, “I don’t know but this day is getting weirder. I am watching Dad, poke Mrs. L’s opossum with a pole.”

18 comments:

TBG said...

So I guess Mom 0 9 won the battle of the sheds!

kimmyk said...

You're twisted.
Now you're dragging the poor widowed lady into your game of madness.
Is no one safe?

Patience said...

Poor little homeless woodlands creatures.

sharkey said...

That was a long way to go for the punchline, but it was totally worth it! I laughed out loud.

Stacie said...

I laughed out loud at this one! Too funny.
Stacie

bbsgirl said...

Fabulous story.....and I could picture then entire thing...the best thing to picture though, is the look on your Mom's face once you told her “I don’t know but this day is getting weirder. I am watching Dad, poke Mrs. L’s opossum with a pole.”


Thanks for the morning laugh..I really needed it!!!

Nancy said...

We are all a bit twisted for thinking "watching Dad poke Mrs. L's opossum" is funny.

Hilarious post this morning!

Anonymous said...

I like the word varmint.

I also forgot the "o" in opossum. I thought it was silent.

Kami said...

AAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Charlotte in Pa said...

I think we've finally found a new euphemism for sex. THANKS!

Sue in Toledo said...

LOL! Why is it so much funnier when YOU say it???

Katy said...

Mna, sounds like your Dad is getting around.

Effie said...

hahahaha...did you get smacked for that comment?

stepblog said...

that sounds dirty

Anonymous said...

The end of Grumpy Old men is awesome with Burgess Meeredith saying all of the euphemisms for "poking the possum"

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I lived with my mom for a year and a half with my children. There were many debates. I think your mom has a point...replacing the old one. I mean, she could use the excuse of having little children around, so it isnt safe!

Oh, The Joys said...

Every possum needs a good poke.

kalki said...

Hee!